supreem thoughts

By the Token of Time...

2011-12-27T07:23:00.000-08:00

I look back at the last ten years of my life and see the immense amount of change. I see the paradigm shifts, the outbursts, the tensions, the transitions, the pushing forward, the falling back, the temporary bouts of insanity, the moments of true clarity, the anger, the happiness, the frustration, the cheerfulness, the all of the above and more. But, when last year I finally had the opportunity to stand in front of a classroom and just share a part of my passion, to students who were unwilling given that American Government is a general requirement no one wants to take, I've felt the aforementioned feelings plus ten-fold. I wonder what influence Time has....

Time is a beautiful, yet disconcerting teacher. She challenges your forbearance, but if you withstand her, you reap the rewards. There are moments when engaging with Time, that you hate her so much, you'd like to cease her existence. You'd like to press that "pause" button for all of eternity. You'd like to rewind her, change her, fast-forward her --> but you can't. Benjamin Franklin says "Lost time is never found again" and to some extent that is true. However, you can never lose time, she is always there, silently with you. Waiting for you to take notice of her, waiting for you to remember her. You may forget Time, but you will never lose her. She is there, with your every breath, every step, every blink, every smile; Time is your life-long companion... Treat her well, and she will treat you well.

One of the biggest epiphanies about time I had, was when reading St. Augustine's Confessions during undergrad in my Ancient and Medieval Political Thought class... St. Augustine asserted that time, like human beings, are a creation of God. That God exists despite time, outside of time, beyond time. Upon reading that notion, I realized that Time, as a creation, as a 'being' needed to be treated as well as I would treat myself, my family, my friends, even my things... Time needed to be treated with the accordance and love; with justice and patience; with hope and with fear; with tranquility and with tension. Time needed me as much as I needed her. We exist together on parallel planes, in different forms, within the same universe.

I learned that over the last 24 years of my life, Time has been good to me. She helps me in tough situations, she gives me a piece of her whenever I need an extra moment to breath. She condenses and expands when I'm in tight situations. In fact, when Time is short, she gives me more; when Time is long, she reminds me how much of her I could forget, misplace, or neglect. When I remember her, I could swear I can hear her as she calls up to the Lord and says: "Reem remembered me... so, please Lord, remember her."

Maybe, I am in a mystical fantasy... Maybe, I am just one of those crazies who see things in material form despite their abstractness... Maybe, I fell in love with Time when I realized that our Lord made her specifically tailored to me. To be my best companion and friend. When I neglect her, I neglect a piece of myself. When I forget her, I forget myself...

Time is alluring, strong, patient, willful, nurturing, challenging, and thought-provoking. She is the epitome of beauty... there is no wonder that God swears by her in the Quran "By the Token of Time...."

<3

I hear you

2011-12-21T11:51:00.000-08:00

I hear you, from the tranquil thrumming of a damascene 'Oud
to the patient plucking of a Korean Gayageum
in the whispers of the wind
through the chants of a Buddhist monk...
I hear you, through the vibrant and enchanting flames of a candle lit menorah
in the twinkling star, situated at the zenith of a christmas tree...
through the unruly curls at a young child's brow
in the spiral twirls of incense smoke ascending to the sky.
I hear you, in the rising steam of a hot cup of tea
through the purring of a contented cat
in the beguiling, trance-like dance of a dervish
through the murmurs and sighs of an unspoken secret
I hear you, in the romanticized memories of the past
and the hopeful enthusiasm of the future
in the restless pacing of a worried parent
through the excitement and passion of a new love.
I hear you, through the dense and impenetrable fog
in the flooding nourishment of the rain
through the blistering heat of the sun
and the dizzying whirl of snowflakes, as they coat the earth.
I hear you, in the storytelling of a native american elder
through the spirit of animals
in the history of souls
in the logic of time...
I hear you...
I hope you can hear me too...

restless

2011-12-16T10:49:00.000-08:00

In the wind,
multi-directional,
continuity...
faith, apples, yesterday
restless memories
of beehives... honey
combing away
the knots in your hair...
dancer,
flowing like a plastic bag
caught in the wind...

Point of Comparison...

2011-09-19T09:12:00.000-07:00

I am somewhat exasperated with people (well with the upcoming listed qualities) lately. I don't know why, but being in their presence is just head-ache inducing. To the extent, that I've outright avoided them, or walked away from them, or started having a totally different conversation in my brain, or even just continued to nod in their presence while trying to steer the conversation in another direction. It is like, over the last week, I keep running into people exhibiting these qualities. The reason I say it like that, is because they are not people who are typically like this.... in all facets of their lives. Maybe I've never noticed it before, but more accurately, I don't think they were every like this, unless when under extreme duress. Which begs the question (at least in my brain) -- should I ask them what is wrong? (what if nothing is wrong) Or should I just let it go? (despite the fact that they induce migraines)....

So, what has been happening?

First, I have been interacting with people, who constantly use themselves as a point of comparison. Almost, to steer the conversation away from the issue/topic at hand, and bring it back to themselves. Now, there is nothing wrong with comparing situations for purely epistemic (deeper understanding) purposes. But to constantly belittle another's experiences with reference to your own just isn't appropriate. For example, (TOTALLY FAKE RANDOM EXAMPLE!) - me talking to Emily about my difficulties with grad school, and Emily saying something like "your life is not as hard as you think it is, you are a kid with no responsibilities, just college". Now, if Emily was to say something like "oh I totally get what you mean, it's been challenging for me to balance my motherly duties with my academic duties", I see no fault with that. It's creating a point of reference in your own life. But by using it as a point of difference "your like is not as hard", that's just obnoxious.

----- God doesn't burden a soul more than one can handle ---- so you're difficulties are relative, your periods/experiences of ease are relative as well... Please, please, please just let people feel what they want, don't belittle their experiences.

Second, people who are just harsh. Now, this my overlap with the first point, but it's different. Sometimes I just wish that people will turn their critical eye towards themselves. To judge themselves 100 times more harshly than they judge others. Something as simple as "that girl is so fat" or "has a horrible sense of style" -- seriously, you have no right. Because don't dish out what you can't take in. Trust me, you aren't infallible. I am sure you are equally as flawed. How would you like it to constantly be pointed out to other people in public settings. Please, just remember, God hides our sins and protects our privacy, until we reveal our indiscretions to the world. Who are you to point out someone's past, present, or future misgivings? If you farted in the privacy of your car? Or picked your nose while in the bathroom? Is that something you want to be pointed out in public? Just let inconsistencies/mistakes/flaws of others go, unless you are one-on-one and need to advise them... then at least be tactful.

Third, even when you joke, be nice. Don't make someone feel subhuman, or at least less than you, even while joking. This ties #1 and #2 together. I was in conversation with someone, and they basically pointed out (while supposedly joking), that a certain quality of mine. This quality does not need to be positive or negative. But when joked about in a specific tone of voice, it makes a person feel deficient, incomplete, less than normal. For example, I have no qualms saying that I am very much emotional. Sometimes it is AWESOME because I feel strong levels of empathy and sympathy for people. Sometimes it SUCKS because I'll start crying in the middle of a conversation with someone in a very public setting. But to tell me that "oh reem, you'll never be able to teach, because you have no control of your emotions" then laugh it off like it was some sort of joke.... well, that's B.S. and people will eventually avoid you for your B.S.. Most people don't like to be bullied, and that what those kinds of jokes are, a form of bullying. Oh snap, now you realize that you may have been a bully without realizing... doesn't that suck.... o.O

Finally, I ask that you tap into your human center and constantly embody positive behaviors. I know this all sounds idealistic, and that we aren't at all as perfect as we'd like to be, but we need something to strive towards. If people tick me off, I have different reactions depending on the individual involved and the extent of anger. I could: smile, laugh (most of the time this is what happens with me), flip out, walk away, give them the "look", get confused, change the course of the conversation, or just talk out the issue. How I will react changes all the time. But, If someone is being negative towards you, then find a way to turn it into a positive experience. Whether it is during, before, or after the experience.

I guess that's it. I know this was long and tiresome, but I had to get it out of me. This is my post ex facto blog post to turn my negative experiences into a lesson learned. Because, honestly, no one really reads this.... So, it's more like an organizing of my personal thoughts. o.O

PEACE.

Audit to learn... learn to audit!

2011-08-26T18:47:00.000-07:00

So, I have this thing... about not taking classes officially because either 1) I can't afford it; or 2) it is not necessary for my degree, so there's no point in paying for it. So, I tend to Audit a class per year or even per semester. This fall, I am taking 3 classes, teaching, taking 2 comprehensive exams, working on a couple of research projects, reviewing some papers for potential publication, running some campus activities, and now I am thinking of auditing a class...

The thing is... I have too many good choices this semester!!! Let me show you what my options are:

Black Social and Political Thought
Introduction to Peace and Security Studies
Democracy
Race and Racism in America

See the thing is, I want to take 2 of them.... I can't just let it go... But I am way too busy this fall to take on extra (albeit voluntary) course work. I REALLY want to take the Black social and political thought class... but I really want to take the peace and security studies class too... and the Democracy one... and the race one... UGHHHHH!!! How can you narrow it down!!!!! o.O They all sound so interesting....

If you were me, what class would you add on????

I think I'm going to go with the first choice... why? Because I <3 WEB DuBois, and maybe this will expose me to some other authors during his era.... and maybe some more modern (of this time period) theorists..... hmmmmmm.....

I wish I didn't have to choose... In fact... I wish I could take all of them... o.O

This is the dilemma of the college student who loves the classroom and to learn.... I hope the professors let me sit in the class!!! Usually I audit Near Eastern Studies courses or political science, but this time the courses are from anthropology, sociology, peace and conflict studies and africana studies. So, different departments.... Don't know how the profs will react....

Pray for me!!! <3

Ramadany

2011-08-13T18:48:00.000-07:00

I haven't posted in about a month... it feels like forever... odd.

This Ramadan has been interesting, so unique because I don't have a crazy schedule. I just teach in the morning and the rest of the day, I'm essentially free (other than research/paper writing). It is my first Ramadan in a long time, that I've had the opportunity to go to tarawih (the night prayers), because usually I have night classes up until 10pm and I don't get home till 11pm. I haven't gone to Qiyams (which is a long prayer all night long) with such frequency 2-3 times a week. In all honesty, I don't think I've ever even tasted the spiritual sweetness of Ramadan that scholars always talk about. But this Ramadan, I think I'm somewhere close. Maybe it's the sleep deprivation, maybe its the community feel, maybe it's just God. But I feel like I'm getting there.

Recently, I've been looking into other ways of expressing my faith, a more spiritual side, and this started about a month or so before Ramadan. I felt like I was just a machine, mechanically prayer, mechanically practicing.... my hinges needed to be oiled, my body clanging with each movement, it was grating. It was exhausting. I just felt wrong. I think God saw this, maybe my friends saw this, but suddenly I was thrust into a new world of spirituality that I haven't experienced before. An avenue that is much misunderstood (and still is by me), but it is something I learned (aml earning) to find contentment in. It is GENUINE. It is something that I found God in.

Yesterday at the Qiyam Sheik Salim Khalid said "I ride the waves of faith/spirituality", and his statement really resonated with me. I don't think I truly would have internalized such as statement 2 months ago. I would have chalked it up to be flowery, probably mocked it to no extent. But yesterday, I found it to be so unbelievable true.

Before Ramadan started, I visited multiple religious centers of various faith traditions. People hummed/sang with their spiritual leaders. Some swayed. Some chanted with gusto. I took it in. I observed, smiled, and swayed along. But instead in my head, I whispered some dhikr (remembrances of god) "thank god, god is beautiful, god is merciful...." I felt like I was part of a body of worshippers, each of us worshipping God in our own way. Now, during night prayers, something I NEVER could connect with, I feel the thread tying us all together. At the mawlids, I feel that thread. With the gift exchange of prayer beads, I feel the connection. I realized, the tradition I was lost in (not a specific tradition, but my own established self tradition) was so difficult to deal with. I am a very active person and I thought that type of religious lifestyle suited me the best. So, spirituality and gatherings of seeking a spiritual side were pushed off as not being as productive. I don't know what I am trying to say, really. But I guess, I found a direction I want to go through and I'm standing at the door looking out.

better to shut up

2011-07-10T08:26:00.000-07:00

Often we hear that it is better to stay quiet than say something you may regret.... There are tons of famous quotes that allude to the power of silence.

“There are times when silence has the loudest voice”(Leroy Brownlow)
“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.” (Gloria Naylor)
“Silences make the real conversations between friends. Not the saying but the never needing to say is what counts.” (Maragaret Lee Runbeck)
“Do not speak unless you can improve the silence”(proverb)
"Say good words or remain silent"(prophet Muhammad)
“Silence is a source of great strength.” (Lao Tzu)
“Silence is the true friend that never betrays.” (Confucius)
“I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strangely, I am ungrateful to these teachers” (Khalil Jibran)
“Silence is also speech” (Proverb)
“Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute.” (Josh Billings)
“Silence is the safest course for any man to adopt who distrusts himself” (François de la Rochefoucauld)
“The world would be happier if men had the same capacity to be silent that they have to speak”(Baruch Spinoza)

and there are tons of others on the topic...

I've been trying to pick up the habit or art silence... I am a very talkative person (both internally and externally)... Ironically, I teach my students that "silence is consent"... but maybe silence is a bit more necessary... Sometimes you can really put your foot in your mouth. I see these quiet people, and lately, I'm jealous of them. I wish I had the power to shut up. There are times when warning signals go off in my brain and tell me to stop talking but I ignore them...

so why am I blogging about this...

Today, I opened up a conversation with my mother. I asked her if she could ever undo or edit a decision she's made in the past. I don't know what she expected me to respond with afterwards but I mentioned my education. I didn't mean that I wanted to change my career... or start a new one... I just wanted to de-stress. But I forgot, that sometimes people will misunderstand your words... No matter how many times you try to explain them. That people will forever interpret them with whatever lenses they're wearing at that moment or throughout life. I learned long ago, not to talk about school with my mom, because she never liked my career choice. Academia is a lot of work and I guess, in her own way, she believes that I should exert my energies in a place that may be more productive.

Well, I am going through the toughest part of my career and it's going to be equally as tough for the next two years. I am taking my comprehensive exams and then I will be starting my dissertation, God Willing. I've been in graduate school for over 4 years now; and I still have at least another 2 years... I guess what I wanted with my conversation with my mother, was a little support during this time, maybe some reassurance, maybe some love, maybe some hope... I don't know. But maybe I need to recognize that silence is the best option during times of stress. Maybe those who you normally go to with everything don't need to hear it.

Maybe, if you practice silence you don't have to worry of the repercussions of your words that bounce off another person and back upon you. My dad always quotes prophet Muhammad by saying "Those who say that the people are doomed, they are those who have brought doom upon the people" (really bad translation)... Maybe negative energy needs to be expressed, but not necessarily through words... maybe it can be expressed through other means. When you talk about how stressed you are, or depressed you are, or angry you are, or doomed or whatever.... I guess that's just fuel to the fire. Maybe there is wisdom in silence. It's been tested and tried, right?

Therefore, I have decided to up my game in practicing silence.... Before speaking I will answer the following questions in my head:
1- Does whatever I may say bring benefit? If yes... continue... if no... stop
2- Can whatever that needs to be expressed, be expressed in another way?
3- Is whatever I may say, something stemming from selfish purposes?

Any pointers on how to practice silence?

Moms rock

2011-06-21T06:37:00.000-07:00

So, I'm gonna keep this post short but I thought it was worth blogging about.

I'm sitting on my laptop, reading journal articles... Mind you, they're articles that are irrelevant to my direct research, but extremely relevant to my field of study (especially with the comprehensive exams looming). Now, I know my mom didn't read the titles or authors, and even if she did, she wouldn't have recognized which others were relevant. I mean, she doesn't really know what my research is really about.

But she said:

"Reem... Do your research!"

in the same tone she may have used about 10-12 years ago when telling me "Reem... Do your homework!" ...

So, my mom rocks. Because she still 'gots it'. I mean, seriously. Other people might have heard their parent say that and go "mom! I'm an adult now.... stop reminding me like I'm 12" but me, I love it!!! My mom, she is awesome.

Now, let me get back to my research... my real 'Hi! my deadline is today' research...

peace.

Maybe I'm too cliche

2011-06-13T05:29:00.001-07:00

My friend C.R. recently said something: that when God wants you to learn something, then God constantly bombards you with the same message over and over again. (completely paraphrased).

I don't want to say recently, but almost my whole life, I've had this love of differences. And as time progresses, I am bombarded with situations and people who are just soooo different and you can do nothing but embrace it. Humans were never completely the same. Even if our biological make up is 99% the same, we still have that 1% of difference that breaks the cycle. I've had this appreciation of non-conformity. I am enthralled by learning from people who have different outlooks, experiences, backgrounds and so forth. I don't care what the difference is, I just love to learn from it. However, we live in a society of herd mentality, conformity, and you know, being part of the in-crowd. So, in essence, I was often the odd man out. I learned, over time, to quietly appreciate from afar but never vocalize it. In college, I realized that I could speak up again... However, people started to assume that my curiosity in the 'otherness' of things was a way to affirm 'myself-ness' but really it's not. People get on the defensive and start arguing, where I would be totally content just listening. But, I am genuinely curious and interested and willing to try and experience what you experience to the best of my ability. I fear for those who go on the defensive, because that means that their experiences in the past have pushed them to that point.

Anyway, I love difference. I love it with a passion. I love it so much that when I was a kid, us girls would be like "I wanna marry so and so with such and such qualities" and I would always think "I want someone completely different than me" (whatever you may take that to mean). The thing that I cannot tolerate, or more accurately that thing that I dislike, is when people attempt to force you to take an opinion or to submit to their perspective as though it is better or worse than your own. Often people tell me, "Reem you assert your opinions all the time" and I would like to say:

No, no I do not. I express my opinions all the time. I do not assert them. You can take my opinion, reject my opinion, listen and dissect it, I don't mind. But I will never force it upon anyone. However, sometimes I "over explain my opinions" because I have a fear of being misunderstood. So, if I am saying something for a LOOONNNGGG time, trust me, it is because I feel like you may be misunderstanding me and not me forcing my opinion on you. And if you got what I was trying to say, just sincerely tell me - "Oh Reem, I got it, don't worry" and I'll probably stop, without any negative feelings or anything.

Went off on a tangent again... but anyway, the one thing I cannot handle is someone forcing their opinion upon me. Or indicating that my opinion was "wrong". Opinions were not made to be right or wrong.... that's what makes them opinions rather than facts of life. And even then, these opinions may be a fact of life for a person, but not necessarily for all. I mean, non of us can deny gravity, right? But not all people believe that twizzlers are AWESOME.

Maybe I have "post-modernist" tendencies., although I cannot stand being put into a neatly packaged box and commodified. I think we need to look at our perspectives and really explore how willing we are to accept people. I know that I need to learn to accept people who force their opinions as just peoples will a different take on life (not as pluralistic per se) but it will take time in general. I, myself, am a very opinionated person, in fact WE ALL ARE, even when we think we don't have an opinion about something. However, there are some of us who have no shame in expressing their opinions (or asking people about theirs) and their are some who think it's rude...

So, what's the point of this???

Please, please, please please please!!! Take humans for what they are, humans with opinions, rather than neatly packed ideologies. Experience what makes them human and what shapes their opinions. If people started to see humans as humans and not objects, trust me, the world would just be so much more peaceful and you'll be a million times more likely to experience all that is beautiful within it.

Maybe I'm idealistic. Maybe my opinion doesn't resonate with someone who is reading this. Well if that is the case, feel free to express why my opinion doesn't quite ring with you in the comment's section, in a loving and sisterly/brotherly way. I <3 constructive criticism.. Anyway, maybe I'm too cliche but --- appreciate (and experience!) differences.

Words slap hard

2011-06-09T19:19:00.000-07:00

If you do not know this about me, I am a person who typically chooses their words with caution. There is this lingering fear that overwhelms me; in which I will hurt someone deeply and never be able to truly apologize, because I will not recognize the offense. Coupled with this fear is my fascination with language; how one need only to look at language and see the power dynamics thrive as Wittgenstein and Lyotard described. But I realized, that although I am a careful person, I am human and subject to the socialization process of stupidity.

Quick question: Have you ever heard someone say one of the following, or an off-shoot:
I want to die.
Kill me now.
I'd rather die.
I'd rather commit suicide.
Hang me.
Shoot me.
ect????

Well, I have. Repeatedly. In fact, I've heard it so much, it became part of my daily lexicon. Me, who can never tolerate racial jokes, gay jokes or statements like "that's so retarded"; I use these "kill me" statements all the time. Despite the fact that I know people who have committed suicide, I know people who have attempted it, and I have even talked people out of it.

Now, some people might say something like: What's the big deal? It's just a saying....

No, it's not. A couple of months ago, a friend of mine who I knew was depressed was talking to me about the most random things. I said something like one of those aforementioned phrases. I saw the shock on his face, but at the time I didn't comprehend the shock. Maybe I ignored it. Maybe I told myself I was misreading him. I don't know, it was back in january or february... some month when it was snowing like whoa.

Tonight, I said something to the effect of 'hang me now'.... and the minute the words and body language slipped past my control, I regretted it immensely. I kept thing "oh crap, I am so insensitive". Maybe I'm selfish and want to redeem myself....? Maybe, I want to come to terms with myself... Maybe, I want this to be a teachable moment.... But I realized, sometimes we can do something for so long and not realize how much it may hurt someone. While at other times, it just clicks into place and you realize the mistakes.

To my friends who have sought my advice and help through their times of depression and sadness: I apologize.
To all others, I hope I learn to be more cautious about my words.

I continued to think and think..... and think about those statements. Have you realized that these statements are a form of self-degredation? You enslave your soul to a sense of worthlessness and send it into a limbo of hopelessness. An inferiority complex develops, and one starts to think that they really don't matter.

Think about who you have ever heard make these statements... Most of the time, I hear it from people of subaltern backgrounds. People of "otherness" (myself included). Is this a mental slavery? Is this a way to condition the minority masses into feeling like life is not worth it. Wittgenstein believes that language is the embodiment of power; that you see the dynamics of human beings through language. Is this a manifestation of it? Are these statements a way to keep people down. To question their self-worth? Honestly, I don't know.

Recently, a person close to me told me they wanted to die. They said "Reem, life is not worth living... I'd rather die" (somewhat paraphrased, but essentially that). And on the spot I said: "Don't say that! Don't ever say that!".... You only put yourself down into a rut that you sink deeper and deeper into, like quicksand. Depression is a scary thing. Suicide and death, even more so.

So, today, I am breaking free from my past linguistic servitude. Whenever I am tired, exhausted, frustrated, going nuts and even depressed.... I will say "I'm going to bring life" or something to that effect. When someone around me says something like "I want to die" I will respond with "but I want you to live"; it doesn't matter whether they were joking or serious. Life is precious. And words, despite the saying "sticks and stones....", can destroy the world.... or help build a beautiful one.

Therefore, to anyone who reads this: LIVE.
and this poem emerges:

Sticks and stones may break my bones
but words will never hurt me
is an inaccurate fallacy
people do get hurt,
in fact , they die...
A word, can trigger wars
or broker peace deals
It is the tight rope walk between
life
and
death
One person can joke
and another will choke
till the words drive them crazy
push them into a frenzy
of anger, laughter, hate, love
despair...
life is anything but fair,
and we need to bear the burden
of our rashly, vomited words...
I never understood how a negative statement
could become so common
We twitch at racism
but shrug at sexism
bat an eyelash at political incorrectness
but don't give a crap about those who are affected
It's a show and we're all jugglers
of pins... no words... no pins
that poke us in the gut...
because we had a gut feeling that something went wrong
with that last statement....
So, think deep, ponder wide
sink into a cloud nine
of hope...
life is no joke....
the phrase
"I want to die"
may be said non-committedly
but
can steal someones soul
throw it overboard
while we go on alive
without realizing
we became a murder...
just by uttering a few words...

----

Keep on living y'all. I know, that without a doubt, you have so much to contribute. Let no one stop you.

Reactive Fools

2011-06-04T05:18:00.000-07:00

Recently, I saved all my poetry that I could find in PDF format.... I've accumulated, over the last 5 years, about 200 pages worth of poetry. Some of it is okay, some of it is crap, and others are just post worthy. I've never considered my poetry to be great; actually, I've held a very critical view towards it for a long time. But despite that, I always feel my poetry. Reason being is that I tend to write in one rush of thought with no edits (unless the grammar and spelling are incoherent) and filled with the emotions I felt at the moment. If I start a poem and don't finish it, it'll never finish; it doesn't matter how great the beginning was. But the last poem I wrote was... I think in April.... Well, my blog posts are much the same...

Anyway, someone recently told me that I am too reactive to people. Not reactive as in the moment per se, but constantly conscious about other people's opinions of me. Which I find to weird, telling, incorrect, but somehow accurate. Why? Well, everyone, at some point in their lives has done something in response to perceptions. I am a very proactive person, so it was odd hearing this. But, I guess, what most people don't realize is that being proactive is actually a reactive sentiment from potential/future threats that one may bypass by being proactive.... whattT?????

So... I was told that I will exhaust myself if I constantly react to people, rather than find motivation and inspiration within myself. At this point, I felt being pushed on the defensive, maybe my hackles started to rise, and my eyes started to water--- but I was getting frustrated. However, I said nothing. I let the conversation continue. They continued to articulate that I was confused and unsure about who I am, i.e. that my identity was one that was forged out of reactive tendencies rather than a self will. When they were done, I told them that their perception was interesting, someone correct, but misunderstood, misguided, and well frankly colored in lenses of a world view that was strikingly different than my own.

Well then, who am I? Well, I was someone who grew up under the microscope, as are most young people. I am one who believes that in society, there will always be a referent, a point of comparison when people interact, as Rousseau talks about in the early transformations of society. But, I know exactly who I am. I see my double-consciousness, my otherness, my departure from the norm/mainstream and accept it. I never do things to appease people or defy people per se, but accept the forces of society that exist. I accept my context and define myself accordingly and in spite of. Therefore, if I react to something, it is because I choose to react and will it (yes the Nietzschean in me) then so be it. I am a person who loves to hear other perspectives, ideas, understandings of the world, and learn from them. I am a patch-quilt maker... I learn from the world, I react to the world, I take from the world, and hopefully I give back to the world. If we think that self-will can be completely stripped from society/social bonds, language games, collectivity, all of these ideals then life is reduced to socratic logic of 'If A is B, and B is C then A is C', but even Socrates/Plato recognizes that life adjusts, shifts, and reacts as time progresses; as articulated in the Republic and the transformation of people and governments.

So, what does this mean for me... Life, definitions, language games/rules, paradigms, wills ---- all these things change. Whether in minute details or is huge transformations. But back to the point, this person who told me I was going to burn out constantly reacting to people... No I won't, because you react to the world and people around you, but you just pretend that you don't. Call it what you want, accuse me as you may, but simply put... I react, but it is out of acceptance that life is constantly in flux. According to Lyotard (in my own paraphrasing take), language games are subject to rules, life is a series of language games, and if there are no rules, there are no games. However, the worst possible ending is entropy, which in that case, even if actions/words seem to be 'worse' they are in avoidance of completely dying/disappearing - entropy.

Maybe I went off on a tangent.... But what I am trying to say is this: just because people are reactive, doesn't mean that they don't know who they are. Some people accept it, and use it to change the direction of thought, action, life, the world. You think all the great philosophers were suddenly inspired (well other than St. Augustine in the Confessions) out of nowhere? They were reacting to the status quo of their society, whether they were incorporated within it or not. Contemplation, the idea of thinking about something, is a reaction. Your body is a series of reactions. If every cell reacts, how can you not as a whole being? Nietzsche called these reactions will to power.... maybe they are. Who knows really.

This post is a reaction...

Oh SNAP panic attack!

2011-05-16T10:27:00.000-07:00

Good Afternoon. ^_-

So, I have a tendency to reflect on conversations unintentionally for hours, days, weeks, months, and even years after they occur. I'm not really sure why. Some people have advised me to merely "shut off my brain" or "stop thinking" but it's not that simple. A person, especially me, can't just turn off their brain as though there is an 'on/off' switch. Bits and pieces of conversations always comeback to me. I may forget your name, but many conversations replay in my head, despite my lack of memory in regards to the person I am speaking to. But anyway, it is not something I can just get rid of.

The other day my dad was telling me that in his culture growing up, people used to burn their old journals to symbolize a new start. That with blogs, it is not as easy to give up on the past and start a new beginning with all these emotions still percolating in your brain. That well, people are unlikely to 'delete' all their old posts (or disable their old accounts). As much as I think that burning old journals is a wicked way to start a new phase in life, it is not really probable for me... Unless I suddenly get amnesia.

Anyway, so I was having a conversation with someone today. We exchanged some words and our argument escalated. It escalated quickly and ended quickly, but escalated nonetheless. This conversation was not a new one. It was one that has been lurking in my mind, snippets from other conversations in the past; Like they snowball into one moment and suddenly disperse. Anyway, I organize things in my head thematically, so it doesn't matter who the person is, it is the issue/topic itself that triggers emotions for me.

Basically, I realized something after my conversation this morning... well, in comparison to past conversations as well. People don't do the same thing. People don't think the same way. People don't remember conversations. In fact, people rarely think about the conversations after the day's end or maybe the week's end. I know it sounds silly to not realize that previously, because I knew this, I just didn't realize it. I don't think I bottle up emotions, but I do think that I have a reserve that I tap into sometimes. Today, is one of those days... When the reserve is overflowing, and on such days I avoid conversation. I avoid confrontation. I avoid speaking at large. I avoid it, because I know that whatever I say will escalate and I'd rather not save that argument unintentionally in my mind. This is not something people need to take personally, it's a human flaw that I have. I need to learn how to deal with it.

So, basically... What am I saying here?

For most people, they'll just assume that I'm temporarily 'moody'. I allow that assumption to hold. But really, I am overflowing with thoughts... I am thinking so much about so many things, that I avoid people till my thoughts settle. Sometimes it's a five minute break other times it may be a day. Otherwise, my thoughts are like boiling water, burning hot, bubbles popping, somewhat impetuous, and can only be tempered with a bit of time.

Why am I posting this? Well, for me, blogging allows some of those thoughts to settle a bit more quickly.
But really, Why am I posting this? Well, because although I know I can't stop thinking, I am hoping that someone out there has some constructive advice on how to deal with 'overflowing thoughts'. As well is, how to filter out some of those conversations that really don't need to stay in my brain, but end up there for years. I mean, I have conversations from when I was in summer camp in 1998 playing in my brain and trust me, that period of my life is done and over with. I have a couple from kindergarten even! And they just randomly play in my head... and I sit there and think and think and think about them. Constantly asking myself: What does this mean to me now? Why am I thinking about this? Is it wrong to think about this? Am I psychoanalyzing myself? Then I go on a cost-benefit analysis of self-reflection.... and this will all be going on, while I'm in mid conversation with one of you about, I don't know, say the revolutionary war or something. So, this internal frustration with lack of answers will lead to an aggressiveness in our revolutionary war conversation, and viola --> we escalate into an argument, that really was not supposed to happen.

So, again... why am I posting this?
A) Advice please! on de-cluttering the mind!
B) Forgive me if I ever pushed you into an argument without meaning to.
C) If I need a moment to 'breathe', please it'll just be better for the both of us if you let me take it.
D) I will think about our conversations long after you've forgotten about them, so.... just think about that for a bit.

I guess that's all I really wanted to say.
peace.

mother effer

2011-05-06T13:54:00.001-07:00

I type this... as tears stream out of my eyes and my heart clenches in a way that can only be the product of utter exasperation and irritation.
I walked around campus today, and heard and heard and heard the repetition of the word "mother effer..." but you know, the full word. Now, as a woman, mother anything strikes a sense of anger within me, but a word that is so saturated with racist history... well, that hurts.
It hurts me so much, that I could help but start crying when I turned to this boy standing by me. And I said.... "do you know what the word you just said means?" and the one who had made the moronic statement said "what?" As though he was unsure of what I was saying, or maybe that I even spoke at all. Given that my voice was shaking, we were in a room full of people, and well I was the only person who really looked "different" I gathered up my courage, threw a silent prayer to the skies and said "It is the term used, in which slave owners referred to their slaves, because they would force them to breed with their mothers"..... And the boy looked at me... I say boy, but he may have been my age, who knows. But he looked at me as though I was the ignorant one, as though I was the rude one, as though I was the one who spent the last 5 minutes cussing up a storm.
And he said, nothing. Actually, it was more of a "gasp" but not in that "oh my God" kind of way. But you know....

So, I walk away, to pick up my order from taco bell, and he turns to his friend and he's like "I have plenty of black friends, and I've never heard that before".... and then starts cussing me out, like I wasn't 2 feet away, or that he was pretending like I should pretend not to hear him. Now, if you were wondering about his race, I guess his statement makes his distinction clear.... So, moving from that point of distinction, his friend, who happened to be black, was so beautifully eloquent, that I just wanted to hug him on the spot, but resisted the urge. Anyway, the one who used the poopy statement, just went on and on about how I should have not spoken. But from the looks of everyone in the room, I think they all stood on me with this issue, and his friend said "she's just educating you about history".... and they just went on and on.

So, I moved on. Sat down at the first secluded table as I tend to do. And began writing. I decided, that I will write a poem about those words, about this encounter, but I am not quite ready to do so yet. Some things are better left unsaid, and sometimes the messenger gets shot, but someone needs to 'deliver the message'. I think he was upset that a small little quiet girl had the audacity to say something to him. I'm sorry for verbally castrating you stranger, but sometimes things are worth saying. Some things, like those words, are better left unsaid....

Now, why the post? Well, it hurts that people are so naively ignorant. Just because you never heard something before, doesn't mean there is no history to it. Science is the discovery of preexisting things, moments, times, experiences, and/or all of the above, and giving it a name or label. Not that I am reducing science to that meaning only, but in this instance I will stand by that definition. I instantaneously started crying when I heard this young man. Tears just poured out of my eyes, as though I was actually standing outside in the rain, rather within the shelter of a building. I hope that people become more aware about the words they use. Or willing to accept advice from a stranger, who has nothing to gain and everything to lose when giving their thoughts to someone they may never see again.

I don't know where I am going with this. But I know this, I am too sensitive when it comes to words. Maybe it's a product of being a student of philosophy, but I hope that people just develop a tiny bit more understanding and respect to their surroundings.

I don't know. I guess I'll never know. Thoughts anyone?

Some posts I'd like to share:

http://open.salon.com/blog/trig_palin/2009/09/04/a_history_of_the_term_motherfucker

oh snap! oh-sama!

2011-05-02T06:07:00.000-07:00

I don't really know how to begin to comment on this. In fact, so many people attacked their facebook walls with messages of relief, of shock, of sarcasm, of anger, of justice, of fear, of hope, of conspiracy theories, of so much. I find that maybe, just maybe a collection of those posts would be interesting to view in one larger post... but I'm too lazy to do some investigative facebook stalking *cough* I mean....journalism.

Anyway, so Osama Bin Laden has been killed. http://www.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/asiapcf/05/02/bin.laden.dead/index.html?hpt=T1&iref=BN
and really, I just don't know what to say. The first thought that popped into my head when CNN sent me my news update via text message was: wow... it feels like the boogey man is dead.

But then I thought, as I drifted back into sleep, that boogey man has friends.... and they are equally as scary. :x
I don't want to turn our political reality into a bed time story, or a 'monsters' movie sequel, but my relief turned into a sense of fear. Not because I believe these monsters may retaliate, because we could withstand that as long as we remain human, but rather people have been so accustomed to hating an unseen (and deserving) enemy, that we may direct that hate elsewhere. I don't know. I fear that we have internalized hate and it has become a part of us.

An interesting blog post I wanted to share: http://sweetlife.blastmagazine.com/2011/05/01/bin-ladens-dead-now-what/

So, what do I have to say about OBL's death, nothing really. I will not say that it was good or bad for him to die, because, in the end, he was a human being, twisted, but human. I would have felt that rather than being a casualty of war, he should have been put to trial for his crimes against humanity. This should have been something the world should have witnessed. Who knows. I mean, I'm just a young person with no real wisdom. But, I pray that we all find a sense of justice and hope towards improving society through mutual understanding, compassion, love for humanity, toleration, and even more so, acceptance of people's differences.

I will end on this:

“The cost of liberty is less than the price of repression” (W.E.B. Du Bois).

Not quite love poem

2011-04-12T05:13:00.001-07:00

It's been over a month... and I'm surprised I haven't posted in such a while. It is as though the urge has disappeared and I am just standing in front of a mirror, waiting for my reflection to say something. I don't know.

I started writing a poem... I called it my "not quite love poem"... But I haven't finished it yet. Usually, when I write poetry, it's a one shot game. I write it and that's it... or it gets deserted like nasty leftovers, that make your mouth taste like rotten eggs. But... alas, this is a poem that I want to finish eventually, because it is a perpetual feeling... :x

So, I'll post it, and you can give me feedback.

-----

They say that it is better to have loved and lost
than to have never loved at all
and it makes me wonder
how hard a person must fall
to scramble up their brains
how many butterflies they need to consume
to feel the nervous fluttering in their veins
how many metaphors need to be dropped
in order to feel true love again and again
but...
not everyone follows the rules of the game
when it comes to love
there are no rules
sometimes cupid is a damned tool
and people live in cruel fairy tales
beastly, sleepy, dwarfed, and caged
stuck in this 'i wanna be loved' stage
but...
those of us who aren't
are considered broken
for being one of the girls or one of the guys
and somehow, somehow
I'm supposed to feel hollow inside
fill up this hole, with kodak moments of
regrets and sorrows
fill it up with love
but I can't
I won't
In fact, in this instant, I believe that
ignorance is bliss
I mean, what is love?
An elusive word that can never be defined
except if you are part of the 'in group'
you're crippled if you can't be loved
because, you know, everyone wonders,
why no one else loved you yet?
So, I'm sick of hearing that quote
In fact,
I have no problem with love,
it's people's conceptions that I have problems with.
I love my spinsterhood
I love my career
I love my research
I love being me
I love seclusion and loneliness
I love my friends and family
I love running
I love sports
I love a million other things
so give it up... because
I hate being labeled
insecure,
or being sold off like meat
So, screw it…
I don't believe it at all
Maybe, just maybe
if I am desperate enough
I can be like you...
I'll fall in love with my self
narcissistic personality disorder
chase after a leaf in the wind
fall down the rabbit hole
swim upstream and catch fish with my bare hands
You want me to fall in love
with an idolized dream
with a hyper reality
unraveling strings
tug on the loose end
set me free
because
it is not better to have loved and lost
because your love is as shapeless as gas
as twisted as history
and as addicting as heroine
and my love
well, my love
is to be restriction-less
bias-less
self-sustaining
unconditional
unmonopolized
my love, my love
is free.

only at 6am

2011-03-08T05:46:00.000-08:00

I tend to have odd experiences... People ask me questions, and I never know why I frequently get asked... Maybe I look happy or something.

This morning I was at the gym.... and someone asked me if I was studying for my citizenship exams.... You know, for the naturalization process... and I didn't know whether to laugh.... or laugh, really.

Some days, when I'm pressed for time, I cycle instead of running, because I can read at the same time. So, today, I was reading an anthology of essays by Martha Nussbaum et al., called "For Love of Country"... It explores the question of patriotism. Well, if you know me, then you know, most of my research revolves around the question of Identity, citizenship, and patriotism from a philosophical standpoint. So, basically.... I'm catching up on some academic literature...

But if someone sees the book "For Love of Country" I guess they assume I'm studying how to become an American Patriot. Trust me... I already know. Actually, I'm a bit fascinated by the concept of cosmopolitanism, but it's all good.

I don't want to go into my political views of patriotism and citizenship, but suffice to say, I do not condone, in any way, shape, or form, nationalism, ethnocentrism, or the assumption that one human being or group is better than another..

Anyway, I just wanted to share the experience... Because, I found it hilarious that an instructor of American Government.... a student of the question of patriotism, a researcher of identity.... will be relegated to 'non-citizen' by proxy of her 'foreign image'... i.e. hijab.

I never understand why these questions always come to me.... I have other 'hijabi' friends... but why do I always get the awkward questions.... Maybe its because I have a natural tendency to want and need to break stereotypes, and that aura of defiance draws people, like moths to a flame... maybe not....

If you're wondering what I said..... in response. I just smiled, then laughed, then pointed to my MP3 player, then smiled again. I think he got flustered by my response of finding the situation 'hilarious'...

W.W.Y.D

2011-03-03T04:40:00.000-08:00

Good Morning,

I am sitting on the floor of my apartment. All my roommates are asleep... It's 7:40am, but I've been awake for the last 3-4 hours, grading, studying, thinking, contemplating, drinking coffee, texting, paying bills and so forth. I have all these thoughts roaming around my head and I don't have a clue how to organize them. Take a look at my daily planner.... trust me... I can barely organize that!
Recently, someone asked me, 'Reem, how do you do it all?'

First, I don't know what the infamous 'all' is... and secondly, 'what do I do, in order to know how?'

We've been discussing in the last couple of weeks in my Islam and the Challenges of Modernity class the question of agency, the question of engagement vs. disengagement, the question of grafting and transplantation of ideologies onto people, the question of ontology (the state of being) 'of that which is'. All of this takes me back to the question that repeatedly gets asked to me... how do you do it all... and my conclusion is this.... it's all relative. I know, I know, I maybe somewhat post-modernist, but it is really all relative, both from the 'doer' as well as 'the observer'.

The other day, someone asked me 'why don't you ever do anything?' And at that moment I was shocked, floored really. I couldn't believe that someone thought that I did nothing. It made me realize, that you just need to be. Descartes said "I think, therefore I am", but for me it boils down to "I am, therefore I am" ... Who cares what I think? Who cares what you think? Who cares what is perceived? It comes down to doing something, recognized or not, accepted or not, witnessed or not.

The question should not be, what would Jesus do, or what would Muhammad do, or what would your mom or dad do, or none of the above. It's WHAT WOULD YOU DO? Because, it boils down to you. Your actions, your thoughts, your beliefs, YOU.

Who cares about how I do things? Does it really make a difference? What I do, works for me, because I know myself really well.

My post is about this.... Get to know yourself. I mean it. This sounds silly, but the reality is, most people don't know themselves. What would you do in any given situation? How would you react? How have you reacted in the past, that may set your personal precedent? What are your priorities? What are the principles that guide your personal perspective of life?

Who gives a flying hoot how old, how much, or why I may do something? Think about yourself. What can you do?

I realized that I have stumbled upon the best career a person can have. That is teaching. I LOVE hearing people's thoughts and perspectives. And I constantly get to listen to people discover themselves over and over again. I have been blessed with the opportunity to be a witness to those thoughts, and I will cherish them forever. If any of my students (former or current) read this, I'd like to say, you need to ask yourself the fundamental question 'what would you do?' because your actions boil down to you.

Anyway, I didn't mean to get all philosophical, maybe its sitting cross-legged on the floor, in a room with very little furniture. Maybe its something else.

So ,find yourself, be yourself, ask yourself, 'what would you do?'... Just be. "I am, therefore I am"

Lost in a desert in North Africa

2011-02-20T06:17:00.000-08:00

If you have not noticed, then it's because of media silence... The voices of Egyptians have been heard, and you will see how much democratic potential was found there... but in Libya, and other nations, the voices have been neglected, lost, distorted, misheard. People are marching in the streets of their hometown, and being killed, abused, and hurt... Find it in your heart to respond to their call...
(this is a sincere and passion-filled, spur of the moment poem, without edit)

------

Lost in a desert in North Africa

I am 6 million strong
neglected and diluted by 6.9 billion others
my voice has been distorted by “the other”
to keep me into a state of servitude, slavery, under
control. Hundreds can die, but no one will know
because the media is being blasted with images
that show everything, but nothing
sensationalized, disconcerting
It hurts, when every family here
knows at least another family member or friend dead
streets can flood and flood, but for some reason, it floods red
the world is just color blind, waiting for order to come instead
of being part of the process, part of the movement
watching from afar, smitten with amusement
some hysterical, some disillusioned
hearing nothing, but white noise in music
While we rally and protest for freedom
One man’s control, obliterates all reason
all empathy, all hope for change
repressing a people, raping their fate
amputating souls, and massacring their faith
in a nation that can no longer be ours to claim
ravaging a house and calling it a home
kidnapping dreams, filling it will sorrow
But no... I am not hopeless,
I carry my home in this chest
and I will march on and march on
with the rest
I am 6 million strong
neglected and diluted by 6.9 billion others
and I am calling on you,
to stand by me, by your sisters and brothers.
Hear my voice, find me...
because I am lost
in a desert in North Africa
Hear my voice, find me....
I am not lost....

Egypt's pivotal moment

2011-01-30T04:40:00.000-08:00

Good Morning,
I've been sitting on my hands, trying to control all the thoughts I've wanted to type out onto my blog considering what's been going on around the Middle East. There is a movement, an air for change. This air for change was very different than America's when Obama's slogan was 'change' or 'yes we can'. This is a pivotal moment where the Arab world (or more specifically Egypt) can experience a collective paradigm shift. This is a much needed political paradigm shift, within the masses, not the "leaders" (although new leadership is a must, at all levels of government).

So, what am I trying to express? The Arab world, and the forerunner Egyptian state, has often been led by repressive, oppressive, and suppressive individuals. The people have just 'sucked it up' for quite a while. When I say 'quite a while', I mean, for a loooooooooooong historical period, with moments and pockets of anomalies. This moment of protest can shift the people from being 'individual leader' centered to 'institution' or 'system' centered. I don't think that every government must look exactly like the United States. However, I do believe in the uniqueness and neutrality of the democratic institution. Democratic institutions have the ability to move, change, reform according to the needs of the collective will. Individual leaders come and go. Therefore, politics is not centered around a person (within an institution) but a set of values, an ideal, a specific mission and vision. I think the Egyptian people (and the Arab world) need to experience a paradigm shift, in which the 'individual' is not the focus politically. It is the collective will that prevails and a momentary leader who represents.

Well what needs to happen? Something soon. We don't want to see chaos, anarchy and witness a willful and determined people fall due to lack of order or security. The people need to organize. Find people to represent them, and come together in making a collective decision. I know, I know, easier said than done, given that they have a population of 80,000,000. But they must come together and do something. Foreign military intervention IS NOT an option. That will just lead to a repeat of Iraq, which cause more harm than good.

I stand by the collective will of Egyptians who would like to see positive democratic change in Egypt, the 'removal' of 'oppressors', who have an eye open for the common good. I hope peace, security, sincerity, order, returns to the people of Egypt.

"Good Night, and Good luck"

On recent political events

2011-01-17T04:10:00.000-08:00

TUSCON Attacks

I couldn't have mentioned this issue any better
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/charles-d-ellison/why-arent-we-calling-loug_b_806729.html?ref=fb&src=sp

----

Tunisia... is there revolution on the horizon?

It is scary what people can do in resistance to oppression. I recognize the greatness of MLK's example of non-violent resistance, but people around the world are frustrated and acting out (or lashing out) because they can't stand it anymore. Should someone take a non-violent resistance approach like MLK/Ghandi and others? Or should they make a clear statement of their dissatisfaction because of the oppression they may face like Muhammad Al Bouazizi.

----

Egypt's chicken or egg debate
I will begin this issue with the statement that regardless of the situation I do not condone or approve of violence in any way, shape or form. Yet, the reality is people REACT to things. It is a scary concept, but unfortunately it is a reality. There has been debate between Muslims and Copts of who started off the disputes and clashes in Egypt. The Muslims argue,well the Copts abducted a convert and imprisoned them within the church and they were conducting a 'rescue mission'. On the other hand, the Copts argue that they were attacked by Muslims, and will protest against those attacks. My question is, who cares who started it. I understand it's important. But until we decide to fix ourselves and do what we can (not control another) to change, violent disputes will continue to occur. Around the world: We need peace not war. We need happiness, not depression. We need construction, not destruction. We need enfranchisement, not repression. We need liberation, not oppression. We need to ensure a true egalitarian world. This can only happen when we move beyond violence, and start utilizing common grounds to in order to reconstruct a better society.

----
U.S. Troops in Japan????

Why oh why do we need troops in Japan??? I understand that the USA wants to make sure that North Korea doesn't lash out on the surrounding areas and run crazy. But more troops? More fighting? I say we bring our troops home! Not send them off to more conflict! Even if it's just patrolling. Our society is falling apart because families are being separated. Communities are being divided. People are fighting for abstract ideals that have no physical manifestation or meaning. Lives are being lost. I am so sick of warfare... Does that mean I'm a bad political scientist? Did Joseph Nye have it right? Should we be engaging in soft power, instead of hard power?
---

Baby Doc back in Haiti
Former dictator of Haiti recently returned after 15 years of exile. What will happen? Political crises? Conflict? or acceptance? who knows really? If I was Baby Doc, I'd never go back after seemingly corrupting a nation and its values. Unless maybe it was to beg for forgiveness....

---
Philippines.. the city of Atlantis

What is going on with the world today? Left and right, you hear of floods, earthquakes and so forth. Religious peoples (yes I categorized them in one big lump) have been claiming that these are signs of the last day. You know... that day... when everyone stands before god and gets judged. But no! It's not quite the last day! What will to the world? How are we helping the Filipino peoples??
---

There's a lot more world news. Just access the different news websites. You have CNN, BBC, AlJazeera, the New York Times, the Boston Globe, the Washington Post and many others. Find out what's going on. Make connections. Where are we in the midst of it all?

Yes Ma'am, praying, and cleaning

2011-01-05T03:57:00.001-08:00

Well good morning.

So much has gone by in the last couple of months, I can hardly comprehend it all. I'm not about to list them all, because this semester has wrought so many changes, I have no idea where I would begin. So, I'm just gonna talk about the last three things that I've considered blogging about, but just didn't have the time to do.

YES MA'AM!

Apparently, I have a problem with saying 'yes' too much, or 'no' too little. I never realized I had this problem, before. Actually, it's almost as though, if I do not say yes, I am failing myself. I understand prioritization. I truly do. There are times where I will say no to people, and it will be like cutting off my left pinky toe, something that isn't really needed, but heavily painful. My problem is, that I will overload myself with so much work, and constantly tell myself "think of it as a temporary challenge" or "you know you can handle it", or something equally as 'motivating'. In the end, I can handle pretty much everything life throws at me. My friend growing up used to interpret the verse 'God does not burden a soul more than it can handle' as to meaning that sure, God will only dish out to you, what you're capable of. But humans can take on more than they can handle, and that's when it gets burdensome. So, maybe I'm taking on too much, maybe I'm not. The thing is, regardless of how much I take on, I feel like I always still have time for my family, friends, work, and acquaintances. I never feel like I don't have any free time. So, what's one more project in a string of projects. My friends (and sister) have told me I need an intervention... But I REFUSE... see, I can say 'no'! okay, okay, maybe I need to say no to people, but I see this as 'conditioning'. The more I can handle now, the more I can handle later. Or, actually, more accurately, the more I do now, the less I have to do later. I truly believe that. So, if I can handle so much, and still have time for my loved ones and alone time.... does that mean I'm saying 'yes' too much??? I think it means, that I am taking on exactly enough. I will never give up family time, friends time, community time, and alone time. I believe in giving each their right. So, yes... I can say 'no'.... but I say yes, a lot too.... but it boils down to what I am saying yes to.

What am I saying yes to? Well, anything that has some potential value that can be nurtured. Research, yeah okay. Hanging out with friends, okay. Reading 15 novels in a row, okay. Watching a marathon, okay. I just do things. Sometimes I do a cost-benefit analysis. I mean, I was going to work on a HUGE international research project last summer, and in the end I decided not to, even though I got accepted. I said no to pharmacy school, my #1 college choice, even though I was guaranteed a spot when I applied like 6-7 years ago. There are so many things I've said no to. I say no to injustice. I say no to abuse. I say no to oppression. I say no ignorance. I say no to inaction. There is so much I say no to every day, and in lieu I say yes to other things.

So, maybe I don't have a yes or no problem. Maybe, what I have is a 'letting people know how much I am doing' problem. Maybe, if I can handle so much, I don't have to tell people about my decisions... Just do things, regardless of telling people. My mom doesn't need to know that I went jogging that morning. My sister doesn't need to know I vacuumed the house. My brother doesn't need to know I bought the cat food. My coworkers don't need to know that I volunteer at different places. My dad doesn't need to know about my latest research project. My friends don't need to know about the newest political book I read. and so forth.

But then, what do you talk about? If everyone is giving updates, or asking you questions, what answer do you give? hmmmmmmmm..... I'm not really sure. Do you withhold information, so you don't have to hear people's thoughts about your actions? Or do you say what it may be, so that you share a piece of yourself with the people surrounding you? I honestly don't know. These thoughts have been revolving around my head for the last couple of weeks or so, and clearly, they are cyclical in nature. :X

Okay, well if you have any advice on that one, please post!

--

So, I said 3 things. I posted the first which was about the yes/no stuff... It ended up being a lot longer than I initially intended, and I try not to edit my posts. I let them be a stream of thought, just as my brain normally works. Anyhow, my second thing to post about.

Morning Prayers

I was at the mosque for the morning prayer last Friday, around 6:45am. With me were two other sisters. One of African descent, I believe from Ghana and another of South Asian descent, I believe from India. We were standing in the women's prayer hall, silently following the congregation. It was beautiful. Three women from three different backgrounds, in three different age groups, with probably three totally different mentalities, praying together in silence. It was a delicate, divine, and dazzling experience. The imam's voice wrapped around us, deep, reverberating, calm, almost a sense of serene stillness. We were being led in the motions of prayer, and it was utterly beautiful. I don't know how else to describe it.

---

Need to clean.

I have never realized how much of a clean freak I am.

Ever since my mom left the country, I realized how much she did to keep the house together. She would do things, like vacuum daily, and we would tell her, mom you're over doing things. Lo and Behold! I am sweeping daily, because the house just gets that messy. I'm coming to realize, after living with 4 other roommates, that people aren't necessarily as clean as you are, they have higher tolerance to messiness. And when you have a family of your own, you need to train and delegate those cleaning tasks to your children from a young age, to normalize the cleaning process. That is, if you don't want to live in filth. But most of all, you need to lay out your expectations and standards to those who you are currently living with (whether they are parents, siblings, or roommates). They need to hear what you have you say; similarly, you need to do the same. Recognize, each others values and standards of comfort and try to accommodate each others' needs, without overly sacrificing your own.

So, roomies, if you're reading this.... I am about to bring it full force for the new semester. I cannot live in crumbs... I just can't. My sanity and productivity depends on it!

So, those were my three posts, combined into one....

Enjoy!

oh and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

feline to feline

2010-12-17T07:07:00.000-08:00

Good Morning...
So, my brother brought home a cat about 3-4 weeks ago. He did so after the whole house was asleep, and we awoke to a new family member. At first we thought he was insane, but then I remembered how probably 12-13 years ago, my sister and I did the same... But that cat, Hurayra (which in arabic just means cat) left home... never to return. Well, our new cat, her name is Dora is 3 years old and a Bengal cat (i think).. I know nothing about cat breeding, but according to my brother it's some sort of pure breed thing going on... like I care about breeding? As long as it has hair and it's furry, who gives a flying toothache??

Anyway, so in the beginning, she avoided us like the plague. In fact, she was so scared, she hid out in places that took us forever to find her. Now, she's grown to recognize us as her housemates... no, not owners, but housemates... Clearly, she has a will of her own. Anyway, her name is Dora, because she's a very curious cat... So curious, in fact, that she paws at my bedroom door, just so she can explore my bedroom, which is closed all week long. Well, the reason for that is because, well, yes, you've guessed it, I'm ALLERGIC to cats. And my genius of a brother loves to torture me with cuteness. So, well in the beginning everything was okay. The cat would stay out of my way, and run scared of her new housemates. Now, though, she's a bit too affectionate. She came up to me, and is currently sitting on my arms as a type this message, rubbing her face into my face. Okay. This is scary because now, my face is itching like HECK! and two, I'm afraid that she has some sort of mite or something, because she always scratches herself, over the norm (we've had tons of cats in our past, trust me, it's more than normal). So, after a minute of cuddling with me, my eyes automatically puffed up... my nose is running. And i've sneeze quite a bit over the necessary. She has never done this before, but she licked my nose.. Yes... my nose... I mean seriously, come on now, you know that you make me sick... literally.... :X

So, what is a person to do, to say, feline to feline??? Should I take the 'GET AWAY FROM ME YOU ALLERGY INDUCING MONSTER!!!' or should I 'cuddle her with love and affection' that she is so desperately seeking out. I don't know. I just can't not love her. She started playing with my headphones, sniffing my laptop, sniffing me, sniffing my coffee, licked my cellphone, rubbed her face on my water bottle, took a nap on my bed, sat on my chair.... Soon enough she'll be eating out of my plate.... But I think she recognizes who takes care of her... since I vacuum the house, clean her litter, fill up her water bowl, fill up her food dish, show her some patient love and affection, play with her, and let her follow me around the house. Right now, she's sitting on the kitchen table grooming herself.... The kitchen table that I wiped down like 10 minutes ago.... the same kitchen table that will need a repeated scrubbing since the cat walked all over it...

(This is the closest picture I could find on google that represented Dora well... I am currently cameraless)

Come on now, what's the big deal? Cat's are clean??? No big deal... Except our cat apparently likes to sit in the sink.... I've also caught her in the toilet bowl twice.... I reported once and withheld the information the second time. But, I can't help myself... I love the weird little thing. Maybe she's the perfect addition to my overly eccentric family. How could we manage to get a normal cat, when everyone is so unique in my family already...?

Anyway, this was my random long awaited post...

If you are bored and lonely... maybe you can become a cat woman, like me... Okay well it's not really my cat, but my brother's, but still.... Share a little affection with someone, whether it's a sibling, a parent, a loved one, or a pet... Share that affection at least once a day, and you're mood will always be YAYish. :D

ACHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
BYE!

coming to realize

2010-11-26T06:21:00.000-08:00

I don't know about you guys, but sometimes I feel like my posts are all 'epiphany' or 'coming to realize' posts. As though, there must be an elaborate moment of truth that emerges from the text or the experience. I dunno.

Anyway, I'm coming to realize that life is nothing without the relationships that are found within it. Life is not worth living, if not for the people life is shared with. I am not talking about spouse or a family member per se, but human interaction at large. I feel like we're on the verge of a societal decline, because people have relegated relationships to the internet. Relationships of the here and now are deteriorating at a fast pace, because people are so focused on past relationships and future networking. You need to realize that the past is the past, and the future is the future, but the here and now only comes once in a life time. People from your past are important, but if you spread yourself so thin, you'll have no meaningful relationships in your present. That's what online networking does. It spreads you thin. You tell everyone, regardless of how shallow the relationship is, about your life, and your 'deeper' friends get the same information. I don't really know how to explain it, but I feel like relationships have become destroyed. Because someone can figure out what you've been up to through networks like facebook, they never have to call you or contact you directly. We are forced to live in a virtual world, and forget that there is a greater reality.

People can spend hours on facebook, but when it comes to spending one hour with a friend they have no time. You will never get those virtual hours back. Nor will you ever be able to develop true relationships through the internet. You need physical, face-to-face contact. You need to speak, hear, smell, touch and see. If long distance relationships are difficult to maintain, well how do you expect virtual relationships to be. Why do people love TV? Because the characters are DOING SOMETHING! They are moving, seeing, feeling, smelling, tasting, LIVING! So, screw the television, screw the internet. Just take time on a daily basis and call someone, meet up with someone, do something that is unrelated to school or work. Develop some sort of human contact or interaction. The world is no place to live in, if people are not living it. The best moments of my life are those when my friends and I do something completely out of the ordinary, like walk around our apartment building for 15 minutes at 1 am, just because we can. Or playing pingpong with my dad, just because we have 10 minutes to spare. SOMETHING!

So, why am I blogging about something, when I could be doing something? Am I being hypocritical? Not really, no. Because I don't really live in a virtual reality. Everything needs some time, and I probably spend a total of an hour at most, daily, on the internet. The last time I blogged was about 2-3 weeks ago. I share my experiences with people who I may not physically see or hear, essentially come into contact with, but experiences are there to be shared. But you need to realize that every tool is just a means. I find blogging an effective way of communicating my experiences. But if I live to blog, then that's a problem. Hence, the fact that I'm not a daily blogger. :x

Anyway, so my message is this. L.I.V.E. Living entails human interaction, and not at a virtual level. Move, experience, test, smell, aspire, change, forget, remember... DO SOMETHING! Get off your computer and just talk to your dad/mom/sibling/friend/acquaintance for like 5 minutes. Just 5 minutes! Recognize that human interaction is the foundation of society, and without it, we'll fall apart.

peace
-reem

learnable moments.

2010-11-04T11:01:00.000-07:00

Quote of the day:
From the 'Anarchist Against the Wall' presentation at WSU today from 12:15-1:15pm.

"Congratulations LGBT community.. you have now the ability to be masculine and kill people." (Gal Lugasi; Anarchists Against the Wall), on the DADT. This is an anti-war activist, anti-occupation activist. It had nothing to do with LGBT rights, but about warfare.

Well I guess you learn something everyday.

So, I am discovering, through my oral history class, that everything someone says can be filled with so many things to learn. Meaning, even if it sounds stupid as hell, you will experience a 'teachable moment' (or maybe a 'learnable moment'); you just need to be RECEPTIVE and OPEN to it.

This is teaching me so much about myself. I am discovering that I talk a lot less than I used to. I have become an observer. Where everything someone says must be filled with something to take from it. It doesn't matter who they are, what they represent, or whether or not you agree with them. Regardless, there is something that you will learn. It has turned into a game with me, I must discover something that I learned before the conversation (or the day!) ends!

So, as a teacher/instructor, we talk about 'teachable moments', but we forget that we need to be receptive to those moments. We have to recognize that everyone has something, some sort of impact and influence. This influence shapes you (and them) internally and externally, whether it's at a shallow level or a deep level. Recognizing this makes you unravel personal biases, and accept everyone without a standard that you may unintentionally set for them. The only standard set is the recognition that they have some sort of reciprocal influence on you, and therefore they are valuable. This value is never to be discounted, because, whether or not you discover the 'learnable moment', you recognize the person as someone who is worthy as an individual.

Dubois says that the factors that make a life worthy are the ability: to move, to know, to love, to aspire. (The Dubois Reader, Representative Men, John Brown, pg 259)

I agree with Dubois on that one. And I feel like, one mechanism towards achieving that worthy life is through recognition of other beings who are capable of doing those things. To not live in your own self-created bubble of a biased world. To move, to know, to love, and to aspire.

I guess I'll stop here...

peace
-reem

Chivalry is dead?

2010-10-20T13:00:00.000-07:00

PEACE!!!!!!!

Okay, so they say 'chivalry is dead'. That men, the carriers and inheritors of this chivalry, lost it at some point in time. I am not sure if I agree, or if chivalry is limited to manhood... but anyway...

This morning, I opened the door for a couple of people behind me. After 2-3 people passed through, one man... REFUSED to let me hold the door open for him. He absolutelyrefused. I was trying to figure out what he meant by it...
So, my hypotheses are:
1) He was so chauvinistic that a woman could not open the door for him
2) He was so embarrassed that he had not opened it for me.
3) That it was wrong for his individualism to have someone (regardless of gender) do something like opening a door for him.
4) Women are not supposed to be openning doors, because of cultural norms.
5) He was ashamed of not thinking of opening it first.
6) He just felt like, because I opened it for people, someone should have reciprocated and opened it for me.
7) He was having a bad day and just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
8) I challenged his independence
9) He wanted to remind me of my dependence
10) Muslim women should not be interacting with men (okay this one is a STRETCH!)

Okay... well those are my different theories. You can thow in a couple of your own! I just don't get why he wouldn't just let me hold the door open.

But on another note. The other day, there was this guy in a wheelchair. And he had pressed the button for the door to open, but I just felt like it was so unaccomodatingly slow, so I just held it open for him. We started talking after. He told me that he really appreciated that I held open the door, because often people just assume that 'we don't want to be seen in an inferior light, and so people don't do the courteous things, like holding open the door' It made me realize, that being courteous had nothing to do with independence or dependency. It had to do with the fact that you generally respect and love people. He kept on thanking me, and encouraged me to continue to be courteous, because now-a-day, there are few nice people left.

So, the question is.... Is chivalry dead? Is it limited to men (i.e. knights in the medieval periods)?

Much love,
reem

smile effect

2010-10-12T16:56:00.000-07:00

What have we come to???????!

I'm a smiley person, I just walk around with a grin on my face. But lately, people have been coming up to me and asking me the reasons behind the smile. Like I am committing something wrong, or not acting normal, by smiling.

Some of the statements/reactions I've gotten are:
"you look like you're harboring a secret"
"mischievous smile"
"you look like you're planning something"
"you shouldn't be so happy"
"you're always smiling, and it always confuses me"
"one day that smile is going to disappear"
"f*ck you, you're not happy"
"get over yourself"
*returns grin with a shake of the head*
*avoids eye contact*
*cocks an eyebrow up questioningly*
*scoffs*

I don't know why smiling has become such a "wrong" in today's society. I sometimes unintentionally smile. Or I just like sharing the happiness. There are times when I need to convince myself to smile, just to keep a cool. I smile out of relief. Out of private conversations I have in my head. Through the recollection of memories. At another smiling face. To follow the advice of the prophet of Islam, in that "a smile in the face of your brother/sister is a charity". To release discontent. To mock myself. To love myself. To discover my inner thoughts. To brighten someone's day. To brighten my own day. To stay 'together'. To keep things positive. To follow my heart. To change my heart. To love myself. To destroy personal biases. To unconditionally love.

Anyway, these are just a few examples of why I may smile. So, if you see me on campus with a giant smile on my face, it isn't out of some 'sketchy' purpose. It is out of all of the above, or despite them all.

Just a quote from Shakespeare's Othello "The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief." The 'thing' that is reclaimed through my smile, is my unconditional love for people.
<3 *GRIN* <3

No one is perfect.

2010-10-03T15:12:00.000-07:00

Take in a deep breath... hold it for about ten seconds... let it go... Repeat 15 times.

I am attempting to remain calm. I am attempting to keep myself together. I am attempting to stifle my 'reactionary' anger.

I was with my sister and she told me "No one is perfect, nor do you have to be" (I don't think she said it that way, but that's what I understood)... after she said that... I just wanted to curl up in a ball, somewhere, and hide.

My dad (who I love beyond reason, but in this instance I was ready to flip out on) walked in... took a look at me... and basically, told me to leave and find somewhere to calm down. To do whatever it took, for me to relax. I don't think he realized how he said it to me, because in my (twisted and somewhat irrational at that moment) head, it came off as accusatory... Like, you have no right to be frustrated and expressing that frustration right now. I know he did not mean it in that way, but that's how I perceived it. So, I told him to calm down. I projected onto him. I was on the brink of flipping out.

I need some excedrin, because I have this pounding headache, that won't go away. I don't think my parents realize how stressed out I am. I try to keep things positive. I try my hardest to refrain from complaining. I try my hardest to imagine what it may have been like for them in college/grad school or anything. I pretend to be them, and wonder how they may have acted.

I am jealous. I am jealous of my sister and my brother. Sometimes, I'm jealous of my mom and dad too. But specifically, my siblings, because they are so good at letting things go. They are so good at just embracing what is, and going with the flow. One word from my sister, and I feel like my heart is pumping, my lungs are unconstricting, and the flow of oxygen makes it to my brain. She is my reminder to "breathe".

I always wish I had more patience, but in this instance, I wish I could be patient. There's a difference between having and being. But, there's a thin line for me. A thin line between euphoric elation and extreme anger. One psychological word play... and that's it.

I scare myself.

I think, though, I need to remember...
"No one is perfect, nor do you have to be"...
Repeat it like a mantra...
Take in a deep breath...
hold it for about ten seconds...
let it go...
Repeat 15 times.
"No one is perfect, nor do I have to be"...

Grandfathers and oral history

2010-09-21T11:50:00.000-07:00

Good Afternoon,

As a precursor to this post, I unfortunately come with bad news. My grandfather passed away today, to God we belong and to God we will return.

I am taking an oral history class, and every time I read any assignments or even think about the class, I think about my grandfather. So, I don't know, if him being on my mind for the last 2-3 weeks should have flashed signals in my head or it was just by coincidence.

Why oral history and why my grandfather? Well, he was one of the best storytellers ever, as well as the most influential man I have ever met. I think I've posted about him twice in this blog before, but to tell you about him, he was a man who went to work daily at the age of 92. He maintained his physical fitness to the best of his ability, and continued to exercise up until his 90's. Although he didn't formally study religion, he was a scholar, he knew so much on the differing opinions of different sects and so forth. He was an optimist, as well as down to earth when it came to the human condition. He love his human brethren and tried to do his best by them. This is not a bias as his granddaughter, but rather, the view almost EVERYONE who ever meets him has.

From what my grandmother told us, he died immediately after completing maghrib (sunset) prayer. He had just finished prayer and serenely passed away. Muslims always wish for that type of death, one where they are closest to God spiritually, and physically (through actions, such as prayer).

I committed a grave injustice by not recording his stories and experiences in life. He was a man who lived against the odds, driven by self-determination and faith. Nevertheless, he was never arrogant. He was a man, who upon reading a book, he would underline passages, just in case his grandchildren one day came across it from his collection of books, just so that it would trigger thought and intelligence. He encouraged us to fulfill our goals to the best of our ability, even if it seemed at odds with our parents (but to maintain that loving and respectful relationship). He argued that age is nothing but a number, you are never too young (when giving me advise), not ever too old (when talking about himself). His life was filled with incidents of trials, challenges, hopes, fears, odds, self-will, and figures who tried to force him away from his personal goals.

He lived during the French occupation, the coup de tats of syria, and onward. He'll tell you stories of World War I (even though it was just before his birth) and World War II, bringing in the perspective of the middle east. My grandfather blamed no one, but the self. Meaning, if people were true to themselves, the world would change to the better.

He studied by street lamp, due to the extreme poverty that he grew up in with a single widowed mother in the early 1920-30's. He worked full time to support his family from elementary age, as well as went to school at night to challenge his mind, when his uncles wanted him to just work for them. He was one of the top students in his class, only because of his personal will to succeed.

My grandfather, had his grandchildren truly taken the time to listen to him and document his life, lived the life of a true revolutionary. He inspired positive change, in every person who met him, both in the public and in the private life. He was a public speaker in his younger years (30-40's), and became more of a private man, in his elder (70's-80's), giving advice to his children and grandchildren. He was a humble man, who was content with whatever God had allotted him for his material life, but always wanted more out of spirituality and mental development. He was all about educating and challenging the mind (much like Dubois). He lived under colonialism as well as independence, and saw the various parallels of the worlds however intertwined.

I had a goal 2 years ago to write a book about his life and experiences. I know what he has told me, and will try to the best of my ability to recall all of those amazing details. I intend to write a book dedicated to a man who changed his society, without being a public image or face. I hope all those who were influenced by him, will be willing to share their experiences, thoughts, reactions, and beliefs about him. I know, that without a doubt, he impacted his grandchildren more than anyone else in the world. So many of us, especially those living in America, lived in a world of bias, that elders in the Middle East were backwards. But my grandfather was more modern in thought, more knowledgeable, and more charismatic than any modern theorist. We went overseas (the american/french grandchildren), and listened to his stories in SHOCK, realizing that our lives were a joke, in comparison to his. That real struggle comes from within, and manifests externally. That we inherited the experiences of a man of a legacy, that we should carry on within us, document for our future generations in the United States, and live by his amazing example. I do not advocate for the idolization of my grandfather, nor do I advocate that we blindly follow him. But I do think we need to respect and consider his main principles in life: self-education, empowerment, spirituality, activism, and social-change.

sincerely,
reem abou

fathers and daughters

2010-09-09T06:51:00.000-07:00

Good morning,

If you know me, then you know that I read Dubois... A LOT. Yes, I am addicted to his works, I haven't gotten much secondary documents, but I read as much as I can get. Often, when he is talked about, we see him as a socio-political figure, and often forget that he was a husband and a father as well.

I have been reading his correspondence and I came across a beautifully written letter to his daughter, who was studying away at school. It is amazing and inspiring, and you can see the respect he holds for his daughter as well as excitement towards her future. He has confidence in her, and encourages to adopt confidence in herself.

Now-a-day, our daughters are so confused, and have major identity and self-esteem problems because they do not have a very interactive role with their fathers. This is not their fault, but the fault of the fathers who were and are supposed to be more present in their upbringing. One reason why many girls have no true self-worth of themselves, is because their fathers don't often encourage them to find within themselves that self worth. They need a sense of acceptance from both their parents, and especially from their fathers. Because of that lack of encouragement, many girls just hop from one guy to the next to find validation, but don't realize that you need to find that validation from within yourself, and your parents should be the people helping you discover that. Fathers do play a critical role in helping develop the psyche of their daughters. If daughters don't gain true active acceptance and communication from their fathers, they will seek it out in other male figures, leaching onto the male figure and attributing their worth to that man, rather than their selves.

Anyway, the letter is from "The Correspondence of W.E.B. Dubois, Volume 1 Selections 1877-1934" Edited by Herbert Aptheker, page 207-208
http://www.umass.edu/umpress/fall_97/dubois.html

New York, October 29, 1914

Dear Little Daughter:

I have waited for you to get well settled before writing. By this time I hope some of the strangeness has worn off and that my little girl is working hard and regularly.

Of course, everything is new and unusual. You miss the newness and smartness of America. Gradually, however, you are going to sense the beauty of the old world: its calm and eternity and you will grow to love it.

Above all remember, dear, that you have a great opportunity. You are in one of the world's best schools, in one of the world's greatest modern empires. Millions of boys and girls all over this world would give almost anything they possess to be where you are. You are there by no desert or merit of yours, but only by lucky chance.

Deserve it, then. Study, do your work. Be honest, frank and fearless and get some grasp of the real values of life. You will meet, of course, curious little annoyances. People will wonder at your dear brown and the sweet crinkley hair. But that simply is of no importance and will be soon forgotten. Remember that most folk laugh at anything unusual whether it is beautiful, fine or not.
You, however, must not laugh at yourself. You must know that brown is as pretty as white or prettier and crinkley hair as straight even though it is harder to comb. The main thing is the YOU beneath the clothes and skin—the ability to do, the will to conquer, the determination to understand and know this great, wonderful, curious world. Don't shrink from new experiences and custom. Take the cold bath bravely. Enter into the spirit of your big bed-room. Enjoy what is and not pine for what is not. Read some good, heavy, serious books just for discipline: Take yourself in hand and master yourself. Make yourself do unpleasant things, so as to gain the upper hand of your soul.

Above all remember: your father loves you and believes in you and expects you to be a wonderful woman.

I shall write each week and expect a weekly letter from you.

Lovingly yours,
Papa

who controls you??

2010-08-19T07:08:00.001-07:00

Good Morning,
Instead of doing the much needed, much procrastinated, research that I have to do today, I am on my blogspot writing this post... I AM TICKED! Really, annoyed by something that hasn't to do with me a bit, but when I saw it, it makes me furious:

Girl on facebook "<3" as status
Boy on facebook "who's the lucky man?"

WHAT THE HECK!!!! WHY IS IT THAT GUYS SEEM TO DICTATE OUR HAPPINESS!!! Really, truly, unequivocally that's a load of poop!

(okay, girls stink too sometimes, because they essentially do the same exact things)

Our happiness comes from discovering our selves, through discovering our God. Now, I'm not talking about solely the Islamic perspective or other monotheistic perspectives, but in general. People who find out who they truly are, and their place in the world are the most happy. Now, why is it AUTOMATICALLY assumed that when a girl has <3 as her status, it is referring to a guy in some way or another...

For me, it most likely is referring to a type of food, a friend, or a state of mind. And that's exactly what's wrong with us today... WHERE ARE OUR MINDS???

They are constantly tied to the 'other sex' (well, sometimes it's the same-sex, but that's beyond the point). I mean really, is it because we have no true understanding of who we are, and what our purpose in life is? I mean, I understand that sex is essentially for procreation and whatever, but why can't we see beyond it?

Now-a-day, pre-teen girls are getting pregnant, pre-teen boys are fathering children, and they have no comprehension of responsibility... Furthermore, they barely have any true role-models, because all the older people '20's-30's' are similarly pre-occupied....

We really need to change the way we think... We need to be true to ourselves... Sure, Freud and Erickson have some interesting theories about child development and sex, but we really really need to focus on ourselves and not the other.

Now, that may sound selfish.... but it's the truth.

It comes down to: Who controls you (your mind)? boys? girls? sex-drives? Because, now a day, it seems like those 3 options (boys, girls, sex-drives) are the leading issues... and that shouldn't be the case. How is society going to progress if people are so focused on carnal desires?

My question is this:

Who are you? What makes you, you? and What's your goal in life, other than like 'going to heaven and so forth'?

Me, I am a human being. I am me because I truly believe in being myself and no one else... My goal in life is to help harness the strengths of other individuals around me, help eradicate their weaknesses, and help them discover the power of their minds and influence. Finally, help them realize the 'other' perspective and the need for empathy in order to move the world forward.

peace

[ram-uh-dahn]

2010-08-13T08:04:00.000-07:00

Happy Ramadan o.O
It is officially the 3rd day of the month of ramadan. A month in which muslims all over the globe fast from dawn to sunset. Basically, we eat, drink, and consume nothing during that time. There are other aspects, where we try and be a bit more spiritual, we work towards becoming better individuals... essentially it's FAITH boot camp.

Enough about the dry facts, now to the emotional kicking and screaming....
The only sucky aspect about living in the united states (or any predominately not muslim country)is that we have to go on with our normal lives... Work, school, gym, sports, and so forth. I will never forget playing basketball while fasting... oh the dehydration... I live off of Gatorade and similar sports drinks all during 'non-fasting hours'.

Overseas, LITERALLY, everything is closed ALL DAY and open ALL NIGHT. Now, I don't think that's exactly a good idea, because I mean, seriously? Shopping at 3am? But it does get convenient... Literally, people just stay at home all day and do nothing. Now, I wonder, doesn't that abuse the concept of Ramadan....? Isn't ramadan about doing everything you're supposed to be doing with extra prayers and fasting on top... I feel like overseas they've deconstructed the whole concept of ramadan... It's like, who cares that the concept of the day is for the living... :x

But sunset over seas is sooo much earlier!!! I just found out that in Saudi people break their fast at 6:20pm!!! THAT'S 2 HOURS AND 20 MINUTES BEFORE US IN MICHIGAN! Given, though, that Michiganders are at the end of the time zone... :x

Although, dawn does come in earlier overseas, I'd rather take earlier dawn that later sunset... come on now... eat... sleep... wake up at a normal time like 8am... rather than... still wake up at 8am and fast an extra hour...

Anyway, I was just thinking about the fact that maybe we just need to let things go, and literally just ride the waves. Live life, do what we do, and throw the rest up to God. God's got our back.

So why stress that menial things of life. Why focus on the unimportant details. Lately, I feel like "poopers, people have no clue"... People are so preoccupied about things that really, have no true value. I feel like we need to go back to our roots and realize, that as social beings, we need to be there for one another. We need to focus on developing each other and helping each other to attain what you may call 'enlightenment' 'nirvana' 'peace' 'tranquility'... but really, what I call, 'true happiness'.

So this month, ramadan, I ask you... ask yourself the question, and be honest to yourself (and if you want to post it to me ;) ) what truly makes you happy. If you think the answer may change by tomorrow, then maybe you should write it down and watch the trend of happiness change... Is happiness something that is triggered by a constant thing or is it by temporary things.

Today: What truly makes me happy? Well, it's a tough question.. But at the moment, I'd say: seeing my friends together and supporting one another makes me really happy... that and... TWIZZLERS!

peace
-reem

Quran Burning. hate.

2010-08-04T13:38:00.001-07:00

Peace all,
So, it took me about a week to get my mind wrapped around this Quran burning event thing.

If you don't know anything about it, check this out.

At first I was pissed. I mean, 1.5 billion muslims are pissed, and maybe just as many non-muslims. But then I realized, it is not anger that I feel. But something akin to regret. How have we, as a human race, got to this point of ignorance?

I do understand that there are a handful of people who instigate problems. These problems have major repercussions. The ripple effect caused by the few is like an amplifier on steroids with the current media. We're bombarded left and right, up and down, and everything in between, with what to think, what to do, who to blame and so forth.

And I think back to 9-11. Unfortunately, many people lost their lives because of the horrendous actions of a few. But what the muslim community (and those who may 'look' muslim but are not) have faced is almost as bad. We have indoctrinated muslim Americans to feel like they did cause 9/11. Like their faith was to blame. Till this day, I feel guilt for something I never condoned, never contributed to, and would never in my life support. (If you've met me, you'd know how much of a peace-loving hippie I am).

So, back to the topic at hand. Regret.
Why do I feel regret about the Gainsville, FL church burning the Qurans? It is because we have, like the 9/11 indoctrinations of guilt, indoctrinated our people with hate. We no longer encourage empathy and understanding, but hate and conflict. We blame others for our problems, and lash out like children. We think of politics, and automatically we think of warfare. What happened to nurturing wo/mankind to 'do onto others what you wish for yourself'. So, what is this Gainsville religious leader encouraging? Every other faith, except his denomination of Christianity to burn bibles? No! Of course not!!!
WE NEED TO ADVOCATE FOR EMPATHY, UNDERSTANDING, AND A COMMON WILL TO WORK TOWARDS CREATING A BETTER ENVIRONMENT!
Why burn Qurans, when you can teach people to read? Why burn Qurans, when you can build schools and community centers? Why fuel the people with hate, rather than love? Why teach people how to disrespect others, and in turn disrespect themselves.

So, yes. I feel regret. That our country is plagued with a disease called hate. Why did we not see this coming? What medical preventive measures could we have taken in order to nurture a healthy populace rather than a disease-ridden one?

I wish we could invest in the mental health of our people. We really need to analyze ourselves, just as frequently as we would check up with our PCP.

I ask, that anyone who may have read this post to eradicate hate with empathy, love and understanding. Please learn to practice these three qualities, even at the most basic of interactions. It takes one-on-one action to change the condition of people.

Also, check this out: 'National Don't Burn a Quran, Read a Bible' Day.

Nostalgia

2010-08-02T18:21:00.000-07:00

Evening,

There is just so much I can talk/type about, but I'm not in the mood.

I mean, I can discuss how the whole Quran Burning thing on 9/11 is such a load of BS, and that it is exactly such mentalities that perpetuate hate, discontent, misunderstanding, and conflict.

I can talk about the Michigan oil spill and how our country really needs to get it's act together, and find an alternative environmentally friendly fuel.

I can ramble on and on about how Justin Bieber, the singer, you know, who hasn't hit puberty yet, wants to write a memoir... "first step 2 forever." are you kidding me???? what kind of tacky pooper name is that? and Who really cares what he's done in his 'oh so lengthy' life? Really now, can't he just blog like everyone... but that's besides the point...

I can talk about Obama's Iraq withdrawal plan http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10839342

or

The 2.5 million people in pakistan being affected by these insane floods http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-south-asia-10834414

or even

Russia's State of Emergency over wildfires http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-10836281

But really, what I want to talk about is this feeling of Nostalgia that I've been experiencing.

Lately, I feel like nostalgic of things I've never even experienced. Like I'll think... that makes me nostalgic, but I have no idea what the thing is, nor why I feel that way. It's like some sort of memory teases my senses, but doesn't fully manifest. I am left with this fleeting emotion that tickles my mind, attempting to wring some sort of happening from my thoughts. But, alas, those experiences are absent. Those feelings are being drawn out of air. I have no idea where this nostalgia is coming from, nor to what it is being directed towards.

I hope I am still sane.

Has this every happened to you?
Something similar? Something totally different?

peace
-reem

too muslim to be punk

2010-07-27T09:48:00.000-07:00

Well hello there world,

I don't know how to begin this post, given that I haven't written in a couple of weeks, and apparently this online relationship thing isn't working out too well. Yes, blogspot, I have missed you... But we're not exactly two peas in a pod... It's more like, I have neglected you, and now I beg... please, please take me back....
Anyway, now that I've gotten that out of my system...

I was told the other day, that I am too muslim to be punk...

According to dictionary.com punk means a lot of things, however the definition that I am referring to is:
"a style or movement characterized by the adoption of aggressively unconventional and often bizarre or shocking clothing, hairstyles, makeup, etc., and the defiance of social norms of behavior, usually associated with punk rock musicians and fans."

and well Islam, according to dictionary.com means:

the religious faith of Muslims, based on the words and religious system founded by the prophet Muhammad and taught by the Koran, the basic principle of which is absolute submission to a unique and personal god, Allah.

Honestly, okay so... I defy the norm. So, how is that so wrong? I mean, doesn't me being muslim in America kinda mean I am punk, without even the clothing or the styles, or even the music associated with punk culture...
I mean,essentially, I do not follow the norms of the society I live in... *gasp***
does that mean??? what I think it means???

I don't have to be punk.... to be punk!!!!!

Anyway, so what??? I wear black... with t-shirts with witty statements... and bracelets that reach mid arm... converse/worker boots and well... I have droopy kohl on... and I listen to bands like the offspring, billy talent, sugarcult, and nirvana. :x

So, who cares? If I am a punk by nature (relative to the society i live in) then why is it such a problem that I dress by that culture. I mean, technically... If you have a standard of dress, and a culture you adopted... then, doesn't it mean, that you are idiosyncratic... or oxymoronic... because, shouldn't you be defying anything and everything with norms????

SO YES!!! STAND UP AND SCREAM!!! DEFY THE NORM!!!!

but if you listen to me... well, then you're just adhering to my standards/expectations/norms...

So, what is this post about really???

It is about thinking for yourself... dressing the way you want and the way you like to look. And creating your own standards... without anyone force-feeding them to you.

So, if you like to wear a polo and kaki's but it is nothing but your decision. Then go for it... and if you want to wear bright orange parachute pants and a lime green top.... then, if that's what makes you do a jig, then go for it as well!

The reality is... there is no anarchical society... there is no normless world... every utopia is in essence a dystopia. Every person who screams out!!! DEFY THE NORM, is just causing a ripple effect of new norms to follow. I mean, think about it... 20 years ago, no one, I mean NO ONE would ever walk around all punked up... but suddenly, it has become the style... can you believe all of the accessories that you can buy from Claires that is just sooo punk??? Remember when Hot Topic was the only place you can buy those leather bracelets with the metal studs on them??? Well guess what??? I bought 2 from syria last summer for $0.10 each!!! I mean, seriously??? I walked into a punk store in the middle of OLD DAMASCUS!!!!

So, embrace your inner eccentricity...
Be true to who you are and who you want to be, rather than who or what society wants you to be. And if you want to be, just like everyone else... then no one is going to stop you.

But if someone tells you... you're too muslim to be punk.... walk off... and flip them... THE PEACE SIGN!!! \\//

booya.

PEACE
-reem

Marraige Preoccupation

2010-06-23T13:41:00.000-07:00

Peace...
So, my last post I talked about being sick of something...
and I've realized that I am annoyed with something else... (not to be negative).

Will the people who are soooo pre-occupied with marriage just shut up?!
Please!
Do me a favor and just hide in a hole where no one can find you...
(okay that was a joke... insert LOL here)

Anyway, I have always had the mentality (probably developed by my father) that my main occupation/preoccupation should be my self-development and social development. If I was to be anything, it should be something that I choose to be and pursue it to the best of my ability. These goals should be determined by 2 factors: 1) Will it benefit society? 2) Will it bring you closer to God.
Now, I have gone into a career (academia), in which, according to my professors, I'll be married to my research. Now, I know, without a doubt, that I can manage a social life and the life as a researcher/teacher/academic, while being happy and balanced... So, why can't people just let it go. It's like they're a dog with a bone, and just won't let it go.

Apparently, I am un-marriageable (not that I care) because i "am too friendly (and sporty)... and therefore, one of the guys"... I ♥ how honest people can be... :x
that is what triggered this post...

It just annoys me lately that people are so preoccupied with marriage. Sure, people are getting married, finding love, sharing lives and what not and that's great. But that isn't my main goal in life. If you choose your main goal to be married with kids, then so be it. But my main goal is to live a happy life within the boundaries that God ordained for me. To enjoin good and forbid evil, work towards a just/equal/fair society, and to get closer to God. Now, I'm not saying I don't want to get married. But what I am saying is: once it happens, it'll happen. Don't dictate my goals or assume that marriage is my 'end point'.

Anyway, this post is just to say that, marriage/civil unions are beautiful. Don't make it something dreadful. When it happens, it'll happen. Don't rush life. Just let it go on. When I find the right person, I will find them, and God's got my back.

That's it.

Peace.
reem

hijab. yeah. sure. whatever.

2010-06-18T13:57:00.001-07:00

Peace and hello.

Well, this is probably something I have posted about in the past... but I guess I will be posting about it again, given that I have had this blog for a couple of years now. ;)

Hijab... (the head scarf and modest clothing a muslim women may wear).

I am not going to explain (other than that one statement) what hijab is. However, I am going to talk about it, to an extent.

Really, I understand that hijab is a public manifestation and symbol of faith that muslim women portray if they wear it. I understand it is a trigger in which people begin to question you about your faith, whether it is positively or negatively. I understand that it is something that does not subscribe to the norm of what an American woman may look like in American society. So, I understand when people ask me about it.

However, I am so sick of it... really sick of it... Why?

---and guys... i'm sorry... but you have never experienced hijab... so you can never fully (maybe partially) understand why I may feel like this, or why another hijabi might (not necessarily all though).---

Well, do you like being questioned about why you wore purple socks instead of green ones? Or why you are wearing shorts instead of pants? Or how about why you're wearing a button up instead of a t-shirt? Sure, maybe once in while, you can deal with it.... but on an almost daily basis (sometimes multiple times a day)... It really does get annoying..

I don't mind people asking me about my faith... but questioning me in a manner that pushes me on the defensive, will really push my buttons. I am sick of it. I want people to understand: HIJABI's ARE NOT AUTOMATED COMPUTER SYSTEMS WITH NO EMOTIONS. At some point, we get sick of people asking us the same questions all the time. I know that something that seems so natural, so common sense to us, may not be the same for others... but I ask:

If you want to know about why we wear hijab, ask... but if you want to argue with us, get over yourself. You will never understand it, never comprehend it, until you practice it, experience it...

Just as people question how I can run around and play sports in long sleeves all summer long, I question how they can prance around in booty shorts with all their cellulite hanging out... (okay, fine not everyone, but you know where i'm getting at).. However, I do not attack your beliefs... I do not question your independence, liberty, or choices. I will respect you, even if you're in "daisy dukes with a bikini on top" (if you're a guy... well, you chose that apparel, what can I do?).

All I can say is:

Let people make their own choices. Let them develop their own experiences. Let them live without being questioned constantly.

The Quran says: "There is no compulsion in religion" meaning, no muslim (or non-muslim) should be forced to do anything, except which they choose to do themselves. There are repercussions for your actions, sure, depending on the legal system in which you are a constituent of. Therefore, do not force anyone to live by your standards...

The point of my post is essentially, that^^
Do not force anyone to live by your standards...

I wear hijab, because I choose to.
You may wear purple socks, because you choose to.
The reasons may be different. But the right to choose is pretty much the same.

Peace.
reem

food for thought on last weeks dilemma

2010-05-11T14:59:00.000-07:00

Peace all,

Yes, yes, yes it's been a while. I haven't had much to say for the past couple of weeks. I mean, of course, things have been going on. Much has been on my mind, but I haven't had the words to say what I've been thinking. I guess, it's writers block or something to that extent.

But I guess, given that it's been a week or so since the incident I'll talk about it now, looking back.

So, Faisal Shahzad attempted a bombing in Times Square and now the threat of homegrown terrorism has been flashing bright lights in the media. (read about the debate in: http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2010/05/11/interactive-the-spread-of-homegrown-terrorism/?iref=allsearch )
Anyway, the issue was all over the news... anti-muslim rhetoric has been rampant within American mainstream media. Obama even made a statement! http://www.cbsnews.com/video/watch/?id=6459642n
I would like to pose a couple of questions for thought:

1- Why is it when the bomb was discovered in Times Square, the area was not evacuated, however a couple of days later, a package of water bottles was discovered in the vicinity, and the area was evacuated. I mean, shouldn't Time Square have been evacuated as soon as they discovered explosive materials?
http://www.thestreet.com/story/10750323/1/all-clear-called-after-times-square-scare.html?puc=_tscrss
The question I am posing is that why wasn't Times Square evacuated as soon as the explosive materials were found? It seems like the police force was confident of disarming the vehicle, putting the people at Times Square at risk...

2- How is it possible that Shahzad made it through tons of airport security, when his name was being thrown about everywhere... It doesn't seem to make sense that innocent people (such as myself) get questioned so much while flying, but someone who is being 'searched for' isn't even questioned. I mean, I don't mind being questioned at the airport, I have nothing to hide, but it doesn't make sense that Shahzad seemed to slip through security like water.

3- I understand why Obama made a statement about the Shahzad attempted bombing, but really, why aren't other issues being addressed so vocally. I mean, terrorism is horrible, but things that kill americans are not being addressed. Just look at the FBI database:
http://www.fbi.gov/ucr/05cius/data/table_01.html
Look at the stats!!! in 2005, 16,692 people were murdered, 93,934 people were raped, 417,122 people were robbed and so forth! Why aren't these issues being addressed. Honestly, in the United States how many people have been killed by 'terrorism'? I believe that those who murdered, raped and robbed are the real terrorists, and yet they are neglected from the media. This is a system issue, it should be addressed thus. It was necessary for Obama to make a statement about Shahzad, but why isn't he talking about these VERY REAL ISSUES, where people are affected on a daily basis!

My first two questions, I feel can only be concluded by one thing... There is an element of fear that is being propagated. Both result in tightening the noose of control over American citizens. I believe in protecting our citizens from terrorism, however, why does it seem that both cases (evacuation in Time Square and getting passed security) were so manageable, yet left to be pushed to the last moment, as though carefully allowed to progress? I don't mean to sound like a conspiracy theorist, but really, why?

In regards to people's reactions, I will have to say that despite the surplus of anti-muslim rhetoric in the media, people have been amazing, sweet, reassuring, hopeful, supportive and inclusive... This is why I love living in America and am proud to be an American, born and raised. I feel like that the general american public has not resorted to accusing all muslims of being extremists, and this makes me feel like there is still hope in the world. That people are not blindly being brainwashed by the media. In fact, people are conscious and thirsty for information unconditionally. Our country fosters a thirst for the truth, and I pray that Americans remain thirsty for the truth and the reality of the world, both nationally and internationally. We need to look beyond what is being said and hear what is not being said.

I have so much more to say on this issue, however, my post is just getting a bit too long. I will conclude with this, the problem of terrorism must be addressed, however not at the expense of people's rights and beliefs (both by attacking one issue and neglecting hundreds of others).

good question

2010-03-14T07:03:00.000-07:00

hello.
So, I've come to the realization that I am scared. Which is sad, because no one ever associates me with fear, or at least I don't think people do, they might, I just might not know it. Anyhow, I am scared.

of what?!? good question.

I'm scared of many things, but I think it stems from failure. I have realized that I've gotten way too comfortable in mediocrity. Well, two things actually. I've also come to the realization that my family is made up of eccentrics. So, normalcy and mediocrity is relative. But anyway, my fear of failure has turned me into a static, ineffective, and stalled person. I'm essentially stuck in neutral. I have been so unproductive and that scares me. I was trying to understand why I have been so unproductive lately, when my whole life, I've managed to juggle millions of things simultaneously, while being very efficient and fruitful. And I realized that if I do nothing, nothing bad can happen. And in arabic they say 'nawm bijir nawm' which means, sleep drags more sleep. Basically, the more you sleep (or are inefficient) the more tired and sleepy you get.

Anyhow, I realized even more so, I fear inefficiency more than failure. So, for the last couple of months, I've felt like 'enh, I don't want to do anything' and in the last month or so, SOOO MANY OPPORTUNITIES HAVE BEEN THROWN MY WAY! and the odd thing is, they aren't opportunities that I can reject or ignore. So, like the other day I had a midterm that I barely studied for, and apparently I did really well, and so forth. So, yesterday, I realized that I can ignore and punish myself as much as I want, but God won't abandon me. Actually, He's got my back, even though my back was turned on Him.

And I have decided that screw failure and screw inefficiency, I will be as energetic, fruitful, productive, constructive, vigorous, and teeming as possible. I am going to grab opportunity by the horns, and make my way on this earth.

Many people have told me that I would be a great instigator for change and productivity in the world,that I will revolutionize the way Muslim women will be viewed, and I have always laughed at those statements. Well now, I'm going to make those statements my way of life. I will (inshaAllah/God Willing) instigate change towards the positive. I will revolutionize society. I will show the world what one Muslim woman can do.

So, for all those who don't know me my aims are:
- to be a political theory professor (my favorite subject because it's so comprehensive), so I can help people discover themselves (their thoughts and ideas) and the world around them, and show them that everything is at their fingertips.
- to teach the new coming generations that you must THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! Standards are created by yourself, no one should be able to dictate you in any way, shape or form.
- to share my experiences through my poetry and short stories
- to influence scholarly works in my field, because it's about time muslim political thought gets introduced into the field. Or some feminist interpretations get pushed to the forefront, rather than pushed off to the side, with only a 2 second interpretation.
- to embrace what it means to be a muslim woman, and that means self and community empowerment, by developing and exercising minds.

Essentially, I am making an attempt banish fear to lowest and deepest recesses of hell. We need change. We need to defy norms. We need to be effective.

this is for the mothers/wives

2010-03-11T11:50:00.001-08:00

Hello,
So, often we young people criticize our mothers because they are homemakers and that's it. I have come to realize, that running a home is extremely difficult and complex. In the past couple of months, I have made it my mission to help out around the house... cooking, cleaning, some shopping, and so forth. It was not announced within the family, just a personal decision, to help develop me in this area.
I never belittled or condescended women who choose or possibly had to resort to being housewives, in my life, but I always assumed it would be easy. Literally, you cook and then you have the rest of the day to watch soap opera's and host 'tea socials'.
BOY WAS I WRONG!
It is amazing how much work is involved in running a household. I have been only helping out, probably about a total of 5%, and it is so time consuming. I literally stood for 3 hours straight almost daily for the past week, just to make dinner!
The point of this post is that I want to thank and commend all those house wives in the world, who make things look so easy, while they run an efficient household.

I would like to praise those house wives who are also mothers! how you do it is beyond me.

And finally, I'd like to scream from the top of my lungs, in commemoration for those who are house wives, as well as mothers, as well as workers or students. You are forever in my highest regards and respect.

that's about it.
peace
-reem

when you're mad/angry/ticked ect

2010-03-07T04:51:00.000-08:00

peace
the top ten things to do when you're angry at someone, but cannot express that anger beyond a grunt or a twitch:

(in no specific order, but i'd probably do #2 first)

1- blog it (normally i don't do this.... but yeah)
2- run anywhere between 3-6 miles (or rigorously work out for about an hour or 2), depending on the amount of pressure you're trying to burn
3- sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4- go on a book reading fest....
5- sniff sharpies.... (trust me, it works to get rid of headaches!!)
6- go walking in nice weather (like today) with someone, and let that person unload their problems on you, because it helps you put things into perspective.
7- ignore the issue, by closing the metaphorical door on them. (which i don't recommend, unless it is a real door, and you don't slam it, it's all good.
8- do something really nice for the person.... like buy them chocolate, do the dishes, clean the house, i don't know, help with their homework (i wonder if you can guess who i'm currently angry at?)
9- avoid the person all day, don't cross paths, and if you do, don't make eye contact.... it lets both parties really think about the situation
10- try to think of a list of things that you could do to calm down :s

oh okay... i got one extra... LOL because i just realized i did it!!!! stare at that aforementioned door that is closed and make faces at it!!!!!!!!!!!!

----

peace
-reem

highlights from boston

2010-02-24T05:58:00.000-08:00

Well, so you might know, that I was originally born and raised in Boston moved away from my hometown some 3 years ago. So, I went back for my cousin AS's wedding.
(I'll be using initials, just in case people don't like their names being thrown about on the internet).

So, my highlights were! (these are in no ranking order)

1- okay, okay, this might sound wrong... but playing with SG's snake.... and then scaring the crap out of KL & SR by waving it around their faces!
2- hanging out with MG, RAS, and AE in the MSA office :s
3- playing bball at boston bowl with SG, and getting half the amount of tickets... and just in spite of MG and RAS, I bought candy they didn't like with my tickets. :)
4- setting up the hall with AS and A(shoot I don't know his last name initial), for their wedding 4 hours later... and cracking stupid jokes, while eating tons of candy the entire time.
5- seeing AS in her BRIDAL GLORY! DAMN! SHE WAS HOT! MashaAllah!
6- meeting new people in Boston, who I couldn't believe I didn't know, because, I swear I thought I knew EVERYONE THERE!!!!
7- sleeping on MG's floor...
8- trash talking trash talkers from two feet away, just to piss them off. Sometimes people are so ridiculous
9- THOSE EFFING BALLOONS!!!!
10- awkwardly meeting A's in-laws at their hotel rooms, and feel so oddly placed!!!!!
11- meeting FS's maaaaaaan! (well and AS's man too)
12- (okay, this is my #1, sorry guys!!!) SEEING FAB at FREAKING UMASS BOSTON AND SLOW MOTION RUNNING TO HER, like some movie scene, when lovers reunite!!!
13- seeing AE almost the whole weekend! when I NEVER SEE HER!!!!
14- checking out MI's hottness at AS's wedding ;)
15- telling a million and one people to go green!!! what is wrong with bostonians??? is it a michigan thing to be environmental???
16- copping 2 cups of wedding candy after all the guests left, muahahhahaha!!! (and I'm eating it right now :D )
17- meeting up with MM at the ISBCC's cafe... I MISS YOU GIRL!
18- going to SN and SK's apartment, and being loud annoying people there!
19- eating a million times a day on monday! Umass (breakfast), umass (lunch), prudential (lunch again and dinner), MG's place. & seeing HS!
20- having a <3 2 <3 with my pops during our one hour ride on his way home after AS's nikkah/katb al-kitab :)

Anyway, there is much more.... but those were the one's that make me crack up, smile, tear, and jump for joy...

Take care guys,
with much love.
salam

flat tires and vindication

2010-02-01T13:24:00.000-08:00

PEACE!

I haven't posted a blog in almost 2 weeks... and it feels like months, but anyway something interesting happened to me today...
Before I post the story, let me share this verse from the Quran:

"It may be that you hate something when it is good for you, and it may be that you love something when it is bad for you. Allah knows, and you do not know" (Surat al-Baqara, 216).

So, what happened?

I was at the post office waiting in line for almost an hour and a half just to return a package to amazon. I had accidentally ordered a duplicate book, and called the seller, and they said I could, thank God, return it with a full refund! So, I'm standing in line, getting frustrated and more frustrated, as every tick on the second hand clock tocks by. (get it tick-tock, yes, that was my attempt to be witty). Anyway, the guy behind me is talking to his girlfriend on the phone about how much she should be grateful for having him, and he's making all the kissing noises to her, and calling her 'baby' every other word, and I was twitching.
I just wanted to turn around and be like "DUDE! GET OVER YOURSELF!" but I withheld my comments.

Anyhow, I'm waiting in line, and there's only 2 people working there, and the couple in front of me is (or would you say are?) talking in rapid japanese. I know this is japanese (not some other asian language) because the words were familiar, and given that I watched too much anime growing up, I caught bits and pieces of their words. But it was frustrating me, cuz they were going on and on so fast, that I just wanted be like "STOP TALKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!".

Then, I finally make it to the register, and the girl who calls me forward, was like "put the package on the scale, and I'll be right back". So, I put it down, and wait for her.... and wait for her.... and wait some more for her... until about 5 people behind me were helped by the other worker.... It made me twitch, but I didn't want to be rude and be like, "LADY, TAKE ME NEXT". So, I continued to wait. Until some other worker, came up to the service area, and asked if she could help me....

FINALLY, I get out of the post office, and walk to my car, and see a little pink sticky note on my car... The first thought in my head was "Oh damn! someone better of not hit my car!!!!! and left a sad excuse of a note!", but I went to examine it anyway.

It was a note, notifying me, that my car had a flat tire. And it made me really HAPPY! I know, you're thinking, 'dude, you have a flat tire, in the middle of the winter, in MICHIGAN!!!', but actually I was happy. Because someone actually took the time to write that note, and stick it on my car.

I'm the type who would have never noticed the flat tire, until it caused me bodily harm, one way or another. And had I not got stuck in the post-office for like an hour, this person may not have noticed this about my car. Had I left, just 5 minutes earlier, I would be driving around with a flat.

So, it is with great pleasure, that the aforementioned verse dawned on me. Sometimes, a situation could seem sooooo sucky, but it protects you from something else. It is actually bring about benefit, even if you dislike it. I wasted an hour or so, in that post-office, thinking about the million and five other things I had to do. But, when I got to my car, that note vindicated my wait and did away with my frustration. I don't know who this person is, but I really appreciate their effort, because of their note, I went and paid 25 cents to fill my tire with air, and get home safely.

Anyway, I thought I wanted to share that.

Peace
-reem

Seriously though, what are sisters for???

2010-01-15T03:30:00.000-08:00

Okay, before I write my post, I'd just like to leave a link on the earthquake in haiti. http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/americas/01/15/haiti.earthquake/index.html?hpt=T1

---

Anyway, I've noticed, after moving to Michigan, that not many siblings hangout together. I mean, maybe they do at home. But out publicly, with friends, it's like sisters don't know each other. I don't understand this dynamic. But similarly, people don't understand the dynamic between me and my sister (or even my brother have, here in Michigan).

I grew up in a society or a culture, where siblings hung out together with their friends. So, my friends and my sister and her friends would hangout, some of which would bring their siblings (or cousins) along with them. So, you have a group of people hanging out, anywhere between the ages of 12 and 30.

I noticed that in the metro Detroit area, no siblings (or very few) actually know each others friends, let alone hang out with them. And I'll be honest, I have nooooo idea who my brother's friends are after moving here... They'll come over, go straight into his room (which is like 2 feet from mine) and never even tell me their names. I DON'T KNOW THERE NAMES!!! and I find this phenomenon very SCARY!

I mean, think of it from my perspective, my brother's friends were close enough to be my friends, same with my sister's friends, same with my friends to their friends and so on. We were essentially one big "happy" family. Okay, not quite, of course every group of friends has their drama, but we actually hung out.

Now, people keep remarking on how weird/interesting (great how those are interchangeable, huh?) my sister and I are. That we have an interesting sibling dynamic. I'll be honest, I love my sister. I love her as a best friend, as a sibling, as a role model, and as an artist. I am not embarrassed to hang out with her, or my (really embarrassing) brother.

Anyway, it just bugs me how people don't treat their family as worthy to have fun, outside of those 'family activities'. So, the following is a list of why siblings and friends should mix:

1- The mix of ages. This will cause a natural peer mentoring system, where youngsters will be influenced by the elders. This may have negative effects, but in my experience, it's been more positive. So, my friend's cousins who are like 12 have been really influenced by us. Similarly, it taught us (college-aged folk) to truly respect and value the younger ones.

2- The mix of genders. Honestly, not many muslims know how to interact with the 'opposite' gender because they come from a cultural norm where we should be 'separate' but 'equitable'. I feel like, when you have that mix of friends, with your siblings involved, you learn how to interact comfortably, without any stigma (or "God forbid" reputation lashing from the community).

3- Group dynamic skills. Okay, don't laugh at me, but seriously, all you 'single sibling-ed' people, will learn how to be around more people. But, most importantly, you develop a group that you feel you may belong to, that hopefully, isn't discriminatory against age, race, or gender. As well as, you learn to interact with people beyond the mere 'tit-for-tat' experience.

4- Memories. I'm sorry Michiganders who have not yet adopted this pro-sibling lifestyle, but you will have the greatest memories with your friends. Because, your relationship cannot be superficial due to so many familial connections. And due to that, you have so much fun doing absolutely nothing, except pulling out like 2 decks of cards and playing SPOONS with 15 people.

5- Family becomes fun. So, if you're stuck with those boring parents, or boring siblings, you have a model of what kind of fun you can have with your families. You also, learn how to interact better with your own family. Watching my friends interact with their families, made me understand my own familial relationships so much better. Anyway, if you wanna get away at 2 o'clock in the morning, all you need to tell your parents is "ROUBA IS COMING WITH ME" and "WE'RE GOING TO FATIMA'S HOUSE TILL FAJR, ALL HER COUSINS ARE THERE"... so, you have an easy get away, with a family member in tow.

Well, those were only 5, but this post is now getting lengthy.
So, my recommendation is... Stop hating on me and my buddy buddy family, and start hanging out with yours (publicly, with friends). So, if you're going bowling with your friends, invite your mom's (or if you're still reserved about that, your sisters) along. At first, it maybe awkward, but later on, you really look back and think, wow, I did things right.

a new year?

2010-01-02T06:45:00.000-08:00

Salam,
so it's a new year. One filled with so much potential. So much energy. just SO MUCH.

And it scares me. That the end of our last year in the first 2000 decade, we had to witness acts of extremism.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/8437496.stm
It fills me with such regret, not because I had anything to do with it, but that our society could let something so scary slip under its radar. Granted, the plane hadn't taken off in America, that it wasn't the rigid American security system that this man went through, but that's not what I mean. How can our youth, both muslim and non-muslim, develop these extremist tendencies? Now, I know this man, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, 23 years old, was not born and raised in the United States, but he did go through a european education system, he did come to the unites states for some time. Why are our youth being corrupted into extremist action and dialogue?
Really, just think about it?
We are facing two REAL issues:
The first is, there are extremists out there, both in the physical world, as well as the world of the internet.
The second is, there are fake extremists being planted by the government into our communities, to incite our youth into extremism.

We really need to address these issues.
My advice is this, and given that I am a young adult with no real experience in parenting, it's up to our parents.
Our parents REALLY need to be involved in the lives of their youth. They truly need to become their influence. If the parents are not involved with their kids, then the kids are just gonna find some other outlet of attention, respect, and love. Frequently in the last decade or so, the internet, video games, movies and the entertainment industry has filled this void. Parents can't connect to their children. Please, YOUTH can no longer connect to one another! But, essentially, what I am saying is: Parents, be involved with the youth. That doesn't mean start spying on them. Or being super micro-managers. It means, truly be there for them, and understand that their time is different than yours.

Young adults, and I mean between the ages of 30-45, you really need to connect to the younger folk as well. You are now well on your way to being professionals. Your personal life may not be at stake, but our society is at large. Do take the time to connect with the younger generation. You need to bridge that gap between them and their parents. You need to be INVOLVED. Think about your tiny baby and 2 decades from now.... do you really think it'll be you raising that child alone? Or does society have a play on things.

The second issue... well it's clear, we need to be vocal about these extremist plants that the government is using. Talk to your local civil rights organization. They will no what to tell you. Call MAS Freedom, or CAIR, or the ACLU, or the NAACP. They all know what I am talking about. This is an issue that has been around, before the immigrant muslim community got here (i.e. the United States).

Finally, I'd like to say, that we voted for change in 2008. But we need to understand that change comes from each individual actively changing. The Quran says “Truly, God does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.” (Quran 13:11). Regardless of whether you're a muslim, atheist, hindu, sik, christian, diest, jew, or any other religion/lack there of, you need to understand that the aforementioned statement is true. Change cannot come, until change is done from within. We really need to change.

So, now, we are beginning a new year and a new decade. Think about what small changes you can do within this year. And really, TRULY, think about what changes you think you can make in the next decade. What will 2020 look like?

I'll stop here, and I hope that we can combat extremism through advocating for moderation. Oh artists of the world, professionals, teachers, parents, stay-at-home moms/homemakers, secretaries, soldiers, freedom fighters, feminists, advocates, and everything between the youngest of young and the oldest of old, regardless of profession, PLEASE make CHANGE for the better your motto.

I pray for peace, forgiveness, tranquility, sincerity, and success for the human community.

peace
-reem

peace, gym, eating, employees, & empathy

2009-12-10T06:58:00.001-08:00

Okay, I am annoyed... for a number of things...
they are, in no specific order:
1- Obama won the Nobel Peace Prize... for "extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and co-operation between peoples".
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/8405959.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/8405033.stm
I mean, sure he's doing the best that he can, but I feel like something like that needs measurable outcomes. I want to see results. I'm sorry, I just can't help feeling like he's getting rewarded a bit too early... how about 18 months from now?

2- Can't a girl (albiet a muslim girl) go to the gym in peace? (what is it with peace today). Seriously, okay. So, I go to the gym, and this guy comes up to me all cocky and was like "aren't you not allowed to go to the gym in your religion?".... I looked at him... Really trying to absorb his comment... I mean seriously??? First of all, there's an all women's section, which I'll be honest I rarely use, because I feel the walls closing in on me. But, secondly, back off! REALLY?
So, basically, I smiled and was like, actually, my religion believes in physical development as well as spiritual development. Therefore, if we do not ensure our health, we are breaking a covenant with God, in which he entrusted our bodies to us. Then, I was like, you know, with the right intention, well, I'm actually performing a form of worship, so I get brownie points with God. He eyed me all skeptically. Then he was like, but what about the..... *motions frantically around my head*... and I smile again, yes my 'oh so beautiful and understanding smile' and was like... "I'm in baggy sweats, an overly large t-shirt, a hijab. The point of hijab is both physical and spiritual, to cover and be modest. Do I look like I'm flaunting my goods?", he laughed at that. I guess not many hijabi's (girls who wear the scarf), talk like that.
Anyway, he smiled at me, all confused like, and was like, 'I guess I understand'. So I smiled back and was like 'well, I hope to see you around, since I'm at the gym all the time'.
Technically, this was a good 'dawah' (literally means invitation, but basically, information sharing) experience. However, it annoys me, when people assume all this stuff about me, just because I wear a hijab. And I know I'm not the 'victimitis' type, but really back off. I mean, how would people like it if I questioned their beliefs all the time? I guess it comes with being so 'openly' muslim. Maybe, one day, we can break down stereotypes and truly accept people for who they are. (regardless of religion, sex, gender, age, and RACE)

3- Some guy watched me eat an apple today... It was, honestly, a very large apple. It annoyed me... That he was watching me... so I stared back at him. Until he, yes, blushed, and turned away.

4- People do not appreciate employees enough. I was at McDonalds to buy a coffee this morning (on campus), and the workers were sooooo sweet. I just wished they had a tip jar. I swear, people underestimate the value of a sincere thank you. One with eye contact and a smile, attached to it. I've worked in the service industry for about 7 years now, and my best moments were those sincere *thank you's*. They literally make me feel so happy and elated that it moves me to work harder. I hope people should really take a moment and truly thank the person that is serving them, regardless of how hectic of a day you've had.

5- Lack of empathy. I was listening to the news yesterday (NPR) and they were talking about how so many families have been legitly (like not scams) begging online, especially for gifts for the holidays.
http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=121211164
Apparently, very few have received responses. I've been looking online for some lists, one of which is http://begslist.blogspot.com/. I've decided to go on a mission and look for someone to sponsor for the holiday. I mean, send some toys or clothes. Some people have specific children clothes' sizes. I think we should really feel for them. How would you feel if you couldn't get a loved one something during the holidays. I frequently buy my mom chocolate randomly for suprises, because she loves it, and I'd feel like there would be a hole in my chest, tearing at me if I couldn't get her that. I don't know. There are things like Toys for Tots (i think it's called) and other organizations around that you could support. Please, just buy 1 toy and donate it. Toys are very very cheap sometimes (you can find something from $1-$1,000), so don't think you can't afford it. I mean, go to the dollar store, if you're on a tight budget, but make a child happy this holiday. May a family feel secure, with being able to provide gifts for their children.

I guess that's about it.
Sincerely,
reem

Troops should stay at home

2009-12-01T14:58:00.000-08:00

I'm sitting on campus, and have been here since about 7am.... doing pretty much nothing... well, other than literary research on Dubois. Anyhow, I keep thinking about how Obama stated he'll be sending 30,000 troops to Afghanistan. I just can't grasp why we are going to endager the lives of 30,000 individuals, and essentially respective families... in the name of democracy and ensuring stability. I feel like we are enhancing instability within the United States of America, by letting our troops go to fight a war overseas. Our troops are children, college students, fathers, mothers, elders, youngsters, the people who make up the fabric of American society. We are threatening the stability of their lives.
According to the Washington Post, we have had 804 soldiers die in Afghanistan, (not to mention the 4,326 who died in Iraq, totaling to 5,130 just in those two countries alone):
http://projects.washingtonpost.com/fallen/afghanistan/

I mean, think of it, 804 troops out of 3000, that's like what 26%, more than 1/4th of our troops may die. Consider the very basic math that I did. But really, I mean do we want to lose another 804 troops.... Do we really want to lose ONE? I mean, do value human life so lowly nowaday? Is the stability of the household maintain, when the father/mother/daughter/son is lost? I think factors of psychological, economic, social, political, and physical instability arise from the death of one person.

I really really urge President Obama to reconsider the sending of our troops to Afghanistan. Where seeking out Al-Qaeda is like fencing in the dark... It's a game of Hide-N-Seek, where we're blindfolded and earplugged.

Our troops should be protecting our people at home. I mean, The CDC estimated a total of 52,447 deiberan gunshot injuries and 23,237 in the year 2000 alone.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun_violence_in_the_United_States
MADD states that 11,773 people have died in illegal BAC drunk driving crashes in 2008.
http://www.madd.org/about-us/about-us/statistics.aspx

The CDCP states that moer than 22,000 lives were lost due to OD-ing in 2005.
http://www.cdc.gov/media/subtopic/sme/paulozzi.htm

So, we're just going to be sending our troops to fight a shadowy cause, yet our issues at home are left undiscussed, undiscovered, and unsolved.

I don't know what to say... No, actually I do.... Keep our troops safe. Keep stability within the United States. Fight the injustice that plagues us at home, needless deaths, crime, poverty, homelessness and the like. Let's value the sanctity of human life. Don't send out troops to fight for a borderless and timeless war.

That's all I have to say really.

Feel free to comment.
sincerely,
reem

DAMNED FOR RACISM

2009-11-25T04:24:00.000-08:00

I keep thinking lately about you know, philosophical things, well not quite philosophical, but you know... things that are just not truly thought about quite often enough. The concept of freedom. I don't know, maybe it's because I read Du Bois all the time for my research, or maybe it's because I'm sensitive on the issue of racial equality (as in, who the hell do you think you are if you think you're better than people, we're all from the same source)... And it's been bugging me more and more.... Racism... hurts me... internally. :s and people sometimes think it's odd, given that i am (according to wikipedia) white (because I'm you know, from the mideast), that I notice these things.... or feel them. I don't know, maybe I'm just emotional. But yesterday, the issue of race came up multiple times. And I just kept thinking.... why the hell do we (as a society) focus soooo much on race (as being like a definition of who one is)????
In Islam, we believe that ORIGINAL SIN, wasn't Eve eating the apple (Adam and Eve both made the mistake equally), but that Lucifer refused God's command of respect to Adam by bowing to him, on the basis of Adam being made of the Earth and Lucifer of fire. Essentially, original sin is arrogance, but more specifically a racial arrogance. Because you're made of something different, and more to the point look different....
Therefore, the next time you're being racist, biased, or stereotyping, or someone does this in your presence.... you're committing ORIGINAL SIN.... :s and i mean, if Lucifer was damned from the beginning, what'll happen to us?
So, essentially, it's up to you. You decide whether you want to be damned for life (or eternity) or not...
Next time someone does something racist in front of you.... just remember, you're just as damned as he/she is, because SILENCE IS CONSENT.... and you choose to be silent...

Anyway, this is a poem i wrote.... comment away, on anything, it's called:
I kept thinking

I keep thinking that today will start
but it won't end
and text messages on my cell
just won't send
I see the world tipping at a different bend
and i just can't help having to fend
for everyone... but myself
no... yes... maybe I can
but whatever, because
I'm at the end
of my thoughts
free will feels like a a road block
and well, I can't help but to think
that someone else should make decisions for me
no... wait...
I need to make choices
i need to be given choices
what happened to equal opportunity
can I speak, without being free?
am I free?
What is freedom anyway?
elusive as it is, dressed in a cloud of grey...
I think I found the weakest link
in my chain... of thoughts
because they've been derailed
to a place often visited
caged mindset, silent birds
what can I say to make us feel anchored?
infront of me is haze, my view is blurred
by biases... socially constructed hazards
instructed to become masters
in the art of lying
no... dying.... rather sighing
out of discontent
because we've been conditioned
to acquiesce to nothing
to everything but our souls
and I'm trying to figure out how it all unfolds
because the choice is there
we just need to get a hold
of reality
of our choices
and now...
I keep thinking that today will start
but it won't end
and text messages on my cell
just won't send
I see the world tipping at a different bend
that I was angling for
so... I'm gonna jump and scream
till the world leans...
just a fraction in my direction
until then...
the world is hovering
just an inch
beyond
our decisions

when i'm 30, iA

2009-11-22T17:20:00.000-08:00

So, I just came across (or was encouraged to read... however put):
http://reinventingsandyb.wordpress.com/the-list/
and
http://symphonic-discord.blogspot.com/2009/11/my-list.html
which is essentially a list of things a friend wants to do before the time she's 30 years old.... She wrote this 4 years ago...
I decided, I'll make a list too... maybe in 8 years at least 1/10th would be completed...iA

1- To memorize the Quran with understanding
2- To finish one of my many novels, and actually get it published
3- To teach 5 people tajweed
4- To teach at Harvard University, Ancient Political Thought as well as Feminist Political Theory
5- To walk from Detroit to Boston
6- To go back packing in Europe
7- To learn french, german, spanish, urdu, persian, hebrew, and japanese. (at least to just speak)
8- To run 15 miles in one day
9- To spend a day without worries
10- To own a drink shop, and make EVERYTHING but in 'virgin'
11- To publish a poetry chap book
12- To get onto DEF Poetry
13- To learn how to 'TRULY' break dance
14- To marry a man who can supply me with a life time support of diet creme soda and twizzlers
15- to accept myself
16- to get an ijaza in memorization and tajweed
17- to run the boston/detroit marathon
18- to ride a horse, camel, and a mustang (the car)
19- to send out anonymous letters to all my loved ones now, in 8 years.
20- to record a spoken word CD
21- to learn how to perfect the art of Good rice
22- to keep in contact with my cousin in syria
23- to become a political analyst for BBC or Aljazeera
24- to translate a book of Nizar Qabani's Poetry into english
25- to go on a REAL cruise
26- to relearn history
27- to learn to FOCUS
28- to live by what I truly believe in
29- to truly believe in something without doubts or worries
30- to build some self esteem.

I know... wow... I wonder how much you learned about me.... :s

Anyway, that's about it...
salam
-reem

how would you feel?

2009-11-03T01:56:00.000-08:00

Today, I was thinking about how musicians are so oblivious of their fans. Like, the true impact they have on their following. I go into phases where I will listen to the same band over and over again, until I feel like their music is my music. Until their lyrics are my thoughts. Till their emotions become my own. I feel like I have a personal connection with them. It scared me, my realization of this. I kept thinking about how, someone's voice, a voice that I listen to multiple times daily, has no idea I listen to them, unless I choose to become stalker-ish and join a fan club. But honestly, it scared me. Lately, I've been thinking about writing some songs, probably a mix between punk/emo/rock/rap.
I know, I know... different genres, but the question is.... Would people even listen to it? Would my words affect someone, as much as Billy Talent, The Offspring, Rise Against, Maroon 5, Nirvana, BareNakedLadies, Garbage, Evanascence, Breaking Benjamin or Hawthorne Heights affects me? Sometimes, I feel like, do they know that their music builds upon my soul, wraps around my heart, and filters through my thoughts? Would I ever be able to accomplish that? Not that I'm a good singer at all (haha, I suck like whoa), but imagine hearing your own voice on the radio, and thinking that your voice, without you knowing is playing in someone elses head.... not your own.... That your thoughts have been publically announced to everyone in the world you can buy you. You've been bought.... Aren't words supposed to be free ?
Isn't that another discussion completely? I mean, it's one thing to have someone hear you when you don't want them to, but to have your intimate emotions bought. I mean, as a poet (if i can call myself one, i don't think i've earned that title yet), I like my thoughts getting across to people for free (obviously, unless there is an open mic fee), but then, how do you support your art? Hand out free CD's? Uhhhhh, no. Hi, might I remind you that I'm broke.... How about load music/poems onto your Facebook/myspace page.... but then you remember that no one ever accesses your page...
Back to my original point.... I can't imagine a person listening to me whenever they wanted to, without asking me.... Someone subscribing to my most intimate emotions, without my ever being aware....
So I ask this.... Oh Artists of the World.... how does it feel, when someone out there, knows exactly how you felt, but you don't know who it is? How does it feel, to know that someone loves you (your work), but that love is unrequited...?
The question burns down to.... How does it feel, knowing that someone knows your deepest emotion, but you've never even met the person, let alone spoke to them, for them to get to know you well enough, to know your deeper emotions?

sleepover + extra stories

2009-09-13T07:22:00.000-07:00

Okay.... this was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo embarrassing for me... but I had to post it....

So, my sister and I slept over my maternal grandparents house last night. My grandparents.... well are... you know... wicked old.... yet, mashaAllah, so youthful and independent. So... this morning... we're supposed to wake up at like 4 am to have breakfast, before fasting the whole day. And I forgot to tell my grandmother that, you know, we have cell phones that can wake us up. (we slept in a 1 room apartment over their home). So, all of a sudden, there's this knocking at our door.... and sure as butterflies, i see my 90something year old grandfather standing at the door with his walking stick, waking us up. I was SHOCKED!!!!!!!!!!! My grandparents have like 12 grandchildren living in the same building... yet, he himself came up 2 flights of stairs.... to wake me and my sister up (who are both... in our 20's). It made me feel soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo embarrassed. But not only that. I felt awe. I'm sooo proud of my grandparents. They're so independent and healthy for people who are like 90... and when i say 90... i mean literally... 90...
My grandfather, goes to work daily... and he doesn't even complain... it makes me feel sooo proud. But anyway, that was it... I couldn't get over it this morning.... that my grandfather, who I should be at his beck and call, you know doing all that I can to in a way serve him, you know make him comfortable, went out of his way to help my sister and I.

Thoughts?

---

#2....

footsie....some random guy sitting behind us on the bus... started playing footsie with rouba.... she got sooo pissed, that she like was ready to stomp on his foot. So, I did what I do best, started talking really loud about how people should try and keep their distance. You know, I was subtle.....
Anyway, rouba was like.... 'pssstt... reem... he's still doing it!' so I was like 'oh my God!' all valley girl like.... anyway... fast forward 10 minutes later... creeper, is waiting to get off the bus and is grinning like an idiot at us... so I'm like 'rouba... is that the guy who was sitting behind you?' and she's like 'yeah... why is he staring/grinning at us' and the bus stops... and really loud, while walking by our window, all high pitched he goes 'OH MY GOD!'

----

#3

We were in a cab.... and they guy kept on trying to get rouba to talk... he knew there was something wrong with her.... so, in order to fish out if we were foreigners or not... He started quizzing us on you know 'area's' so... thank God, we were near my grandparents house, part of old Aleppo, and I knew a lot of the main area's because my dad told me about them recently (like 3 months ago)... and so I'm like... oh that's baab al-jnaan (a veggie/fruit vending market), and that's sab3 bahrat (like this fountain, that has 7 springs)... and I keep going... in the end he asked me if my friend next to me was mute.... and rouba heard 'if my retarded friend is mute'... she was sooo offended it was hilarious.... but he said... next to me... not retarded (in Arabic, they have similar beginning and ending letters)... in the end i was like 'sir, we don't talk to strange men' and he was like 'you guys are my trust, i need to ensure your safety, that's why you got in my cab'... he also told me he wasn't a sleaze... and that he had a wife and kids so that we don't have to worry about him.... it was... an overall interesting experience....

that's about it....

peace
-reem

PRAYER ON SPEED

2009-09-01T23:25:00.001-07:00

Salam,

So... I had a major culture shock recently.
My whole life I prayed tarawih (which is an optional prayer Muslims pray during the month of Ramadan in the evening), at Sharon mosque in Sharon, MA. Where each rakah (i don't know how to translate that work, but each repetition i guess) took about 15 minutes, and they prayed 8, reciting about 2.5-3 pages of quran per rakah. You prayed so slowly, and calmly, it was soothing to the soul. It was tiring, but soothing. Then I moved to michigan, where our mosque prays 20 rakah's, reciting about 1 page per rakah. It too was soothing, calming, and what not. They recite at a steady, slow pace. You feel relaxed, not tired or overwhelmed. If you get tired, you can stop half way through (around 8 rakah's), and you fulfilled the optional suggested amount.

Recently, I prayed my first tarawih prayer in Syria. And I think I had a heart attack. I swear I didn't expect it. We were praying Isha, and it was all calm and serene. About half a page recited in the rakah. And I was like, hmmm... I can handle this. Then... all of a sudden we're praying tarawih... and it's like PRAYER ON SPEED!
I turned to my sister, who is also having this culture shock, after our first prayer (we pray in reps of 2, break, then start another rep), and we started cracking up. We were sooooo confused! The dude recited the quran SUPER fast... and we were like WHAT JUST HAPPENED???? Then, he recited ONLY 1 verse.... per rakah. Which means, each prayer took about 2 minutes at average. Yes... what just happened we don't even know. People were getting ready to go into the motions, before the Imam (the leader). I could not believe it. It was such a major culture shock.

and it PISSED ME OFF!

I mean, prayer is supposed to be calming, like meditation. You're supposed to reflect upon the verses read. You're supposed to open up your mind, and converse with God. You're supposed to breath. I think... our prayer was none of that. It was frustrating. Fast paced. And heart attack inducing. :s

Anyhow. I got so annoyed, that I had to leave after 8 rakah's. I decided, I'm gonna check out other mosques, but I was told most mosques here pray like that, except a handful :(.

So, I had a major culture shock. I felt prayer, in a country where the majority is muslim, was extremely mechanical. It was a quantity, not quality mind frame. Now, I understand why my brother prays at home. At least, he can benefit by praying tarawih on his own.

Well, anyway... I had to write a blog about it... because I was in legit shock.

I hope people will not pray like they're on speed.

Have a good day... :s

peace.
-reem

Polsci 101-- funny

2009-08-23T12:23:00.000-07:00

Salam,
I thought this was hilarious, but undeniably true. I may be a geek, but i got a kick out of it, and thought it'd be good to share. :)

---

Political Science 101

SOCIALISM: You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM: You have two cows. The government takes them both and provides you with milk.

FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes them and sells you the milk.

BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and then pours it down the drain.

CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.

CORPORATE: You have two cows. You sell one, force the other to produce the milk of four cows, then act surprised when it drops dead.

DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point that you must sell them both in order to pay the taxes to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow which was a gift from your government.

http://www.freemaninstitute.com/polysci101.htm

Ramadan, Obama, and

2009-08-21T20:29:00.000-07:00

Good Morning, Salam, Peace, Wassap??? and all the rest.

I know, I know... I haven't written much... I think my last post was almost 2 months ago or something... but I rarely come online anymore... soooo.... (plus, it's not like anyone actually reads my blog.... right?)

Anyhow... I was reading the transcript of Obama's message on/of Ramadan. I thought it was going to be a simple: Hi... Happy Ramadan... type of thing... but of course, with Obama, you never really know.... I mean, he does defy the norm a bit... and I'm all about defying norms... (except when you know, it's harmful).

So, his message is interesting. I have a feeling it was rushed and not thought out well enough... because there's a lot of cliff hangers, like what the heck does iqra mean? and so forth. Maybe because I read a transcript, I don't know if the video was exactly the same (I can't access youtube here)... So, if I comment on something and it turns out that he did or did not discuss it... my bad....

He started with extending best wishes. Then gave a bit of history. Then talked about the cultural festive aspects, then the spiritual, then international relations, then our likeness/sameness, dialogue and finally he peaced out. What does this chain of events tell you? Why is it important? because it's all about connecting.

The bit of history shows that he cares about what concerns the community. Their pride possession is the Quran. They

Ramadan is the month in which Muslims believe the Koran was revealed to the Prophet Muhammad, beginning with a simple word - iqra. It is therefore a time when Muslims reflect upon the wisdom and guidance that comes with faith, and the responsibility that human beings have to one another, and to God.

Like many people of different faiths who have known Ramadan through our communities and families, I know this to be a festive time - a time when families gather, friends host iftars, and meals are shared. But I also know that Ramadan is a time of intense devotion and reflection - a time when Muslims fast during the day and perform tarawih prayers at night, reciting and listening to the entire Koran over the course of the month.

These rituals remind us of the principles that we hold in common, and Islam's role in advancing justice, progress, tolerance, and the dignity of all human beings.

For instance, fasting is a concept shared by many faiths - including my own Christian faith - as a way to bring people closer to God, and to those among us who cannot take their next meal for granted. And the support that Muslims provide to others recalls our responsibility to advance opportunity and prosperity for people everywhere. For all of us must remember that the world we want to build - and the changes that we want to make - must begin in our own hearts, and our own communities.

This summer, people across America have served in their communities - educating children, caring for the sick, and extending a hand to those who have fallen on hard times. Faith-based organizations, including many Islamic organizations, have been at the forefront in participating in this summer of service. And in these challenging times, this is a spirit of responsibility that we must sustain in the months and years to come.

Beyond America's borders, we are also committed to keeping our responsibility to build a world that is more peaceful and secure. That is why we are responsibly ending the war in Iraq. That is why we are isolating violent extremists while empowering the people in places like Afghanistan and Pakistan. That is why we are unyielding in our support for a two-state solution that recognizes the rights of Israelis and Palestinians to live in peace and security. And that is why America will always stand for the universal rights of all people to speak their mind, practice their religion, contribute fully to society and have confidence in the rule of law.

All of these efforts are a part of America's commitment to engage Muslims and Muslim-majority nations on the basis of mutual interest and mutual respect. And at this time of renewal, I want to reiterate my commitment to a new beginning between America and Muslims around the world.

As I said in Cairo, this new beginning must be borne out in a sustained effort to listen to each other, to learn from each other, to respect one another, and to seek common ground. I believe an important part of this is listening, and in the last two months, American embassies around the world have reached out not just to governments, but directly to people in Muslim-majority countries. From around the world, we have received an outpouring of feedback about how America can be a partner on behalf of peoples' aspirations.

We have listened. We have heard you. And like you, we are focused on pursuing concrete actions that will make a difference over time - both in terms of the political and security issues that I have discussed, and in the areas that you have told us will make the most difference in peoples' lives.

These consultations are helping us implement the partnerships that I called for in Cairo - to expand education exchange programs; to foster entrepreneurship and create jobs; and to increase collaboration on science and technology, while supporting literacy and vocational learning. We are also moving forward in partnering with the OIC and OIC member states to eradicate polio, while working closely with the international community to confront common health challenges like H1N1 - which I know is of particular to concern to many Muslims preparing for the upcoming hajj.

All of these efforts are aimed at advancing our common aspirations - to live in peace and security; to get an education and to work with dignity; to love our families, our communities, and our God. It will take time and patient effort. We cannot change things over night, but we can honestly resolve to do what must be done, while setting off in a new direction - toward the destination that we seek for ourselves, and for our children. That is the journey that we must travel together.

I look forward to continuing this critically important dialogue and turning it into action. And today, I want to join with the 1.5 billion Muslims around the world - and your families and friends - in welcoming the beginning of Ramadan, and wishing you a blessed month. May God's peace be upon you.

a much awaited obama post

2009-06-10T06:21:00.000-07:00

President Obama's recent speech in Cairo, Egypt, was a much anticipated event. Prior to it's deliverance, people sat at the edge of their seats, both in the Unites States and abroad. There has been an often reiterated ideal that has stamped into the minds and hearts of people, and that is hope. For a long time, hope has been stomped out from the hearts of people, like the stomping out of fire. Being a very charismatic character, Obama's hope has been very contagious, even among skeptics. The question, prior to Obama's speech, was: will this just be another speech like others heard before, or will it truly be the catalyst for change?

I'll be honest, I'm torn at what to think. Maybe I'm a bit of a skeptic, given our history of presidents more recently... Being much talk and deliberation, but very little action. Obama's speech was amazing, magnetic, full of wisdom yet at the same time frustrating. Will he be able to apply all that was said? Was it all a load of BS? Was it consistent? And so forth…

As a student, who just wrote a recent leadership analysis paper for my Masters thesis, I would have to say that Obama's leadership heavily lies in what Weber would call Charismatic, yet at the same time, he might be able to shift into the other two roles of leadership, those being: Legalistic and traditional. I'm not sure how traditional people might think Obama is. Actually, according to many, he completely breaks from tradition. However, I take the opinion that Obama sticks to tradition. Listen or read his speeches. He always uses historical examples to explain contemporary issues. Therefore, I see him as a traditional leader. Using the ideals of the past, but reinterpreting them to fit today. Similarly, I can't help but to confirm his legalistic nature of leadership. I mean, he is the president of the United States... and was (is), before that, a lawyer... I mean... how can you deny his legalistic approach to politics and leadership. According to Weber (who is essentially one of the greatest leadership thinkers of western thought), if one can utilize all these forms of leadership than they are a good leader. But the thing that ties all this back together is whether Obama can follow through with action. Weber says about politics “compromises any kind of independent leadership in action” (Politics as a Vocation). Meaning, political leadership is grounded in action.

This has been the issue since Obama's election as president. People don't know what to expect. Will it be the same old same old... talk about issues... and leave them hanging? How many presidents attempted to solve the Israeli/Palestinian conflict during their leadership and failed to do so? Will this be the same?

I'd like to say, that I don't put my full trust in any human being (including myself) because we're bound to make mistakes... I only fully trust God. I'm not saying that I don't trust Obama, because I do, but I don't think he's infallible, which many people have been making him out to be. Many people, especially Middle Easterners and Muslims, have been skeptic towards Obama because of Israel's inaction towards American pressure against Israeli expansion and the push to freeze settlements. Israel, quite literally, ignored Obama's pressure, and followed through with their own decision. Therefore, how effective will American pressure be now in the region? If America's biggest ally in the region turns a blind eye, then how will states that do not see eye to eye with the United States react? Will this favor badly for Obama?

Let me point out a couple of things... God created the Earth in six days... So, why do people think the world will change instantaneously. Maybe Obama won't be able to get everything he stated done... Maybe he will... But what we need to look at is what he's done so far.

First, he defied American history and became the first black president to govern the United States.
Second, he managed to unite a whole body of people behind him, because of his mixed background. Being that: He is half black and half white. He lived in a war torn, poor environment, and went to some of the best schools in the country. He is a Christian, but grew up among Muslims in Indonesia; and so forth. I'm not saying we're in a post-racial society. Nor am I saying the Obama is epitome of perfection. All I'm saying is that people understand him. He speaks their language. People relate to him because they feel like he is one of them, regardless of background.
Third, in the beginning of his term, he took steps towards the issues on his platforms: the stimulus package, employment issues, the Israeli/Palestinian conflict.
Forth, he defied the norm of society, and said what was on his mind. How many people, would say that America is a pro-Muslim country.... when the majority of Americans believe the stereotype that all/most Muslims are terrorists?
Fifth, he's been under the microscope more thoroughly than Bush was... and is under more scrutiny than Bush was... but it hasn't held him back.
Sixth, he order the close of Guantanamo Bay, and is putting terror suspects through civilian courts in the United States, which gives people (such as family members) a feeling of ease, knowing where and what is happening to their family member.
I can go on.... but... this is getting too long...

So, what was the point of all of this:

I'm not saying everything will be good. There is bound to be mistakes, problems, and questions. Such as the question, why is it okay for America to have Nuclear weapons but Iran cannot? Or... why send American troops to Pakistan where the whole Swat region in Pakistan was ripped apart, only to invest $1.5 billion for the next 5 years? How about the question of pen pals... what's the point? We've been doing it ever since the INTERNET became common....? So why waste money on an already provided enterprise? Or if America now wants to end terrorism, why do they fight terror with terror? As well as, shouldn't issues of peace be negotiated with those causing unrest... therefore, why isn't Obama listening to the demands of Al-Qaeda or other similar groups? These are just a couple of questions that I've heard on the news and came across...

This post is to clarify one thing... Obama is trying what he thinks will be best. However, he is subject to social systems, political systems, eons of history and conflict, and biases. He cannot change everything... but he can, if God Wills it, accelerate change (maybe for the better, maybe for worse). Maybe it'll look like not much happened... but maybe in 50 years or 100 years it will be clear. He may be a bit naive, according to some, but isn't that WAY better than having a corrupt ruler????

I personally believe that Obama is being honest, but honesty doesn't guarantee that everything will change. As a Muslim, I put my trust solely in God. As an American citizen, I trust that God Willed Obama as our president our of His Wisdom....

So... we'll see what happens.

peace
-reem

Forgotten Kifaya's

2009-04-18T12:15:00.000-07:00

So, often, many things that are not exactly normal... become fashion statements. In the past, rainbow bracelets were used as demarcation symbols advocating for gay rights. People wore them in protest to the norm in order to deliver a message... At some point, rainbow bracelets became so in fashion, that people who wear them now, may or may not know the meaning behind them.

NOW, kifaya's, the plaid wrap that people wear as scarves (see picture) are worn as symbols of defying the oppressive colonization of Palestine, and a statement declaring their need for independence, freedom, and a halt to Israeli brutality. The kifaya recently has become so popular and in fashion that it's crazy. People wear them left and right. You go to claires, hot topic, sears, macy's, forever 21, stores that may oppose each other 100%, yet, they sell this same symbol... However, people do not realize that political meaning. The general public just wears it, because it's in style. SYMBOLS TO DEFY THE NORM ARE BEING NORMALIZED!!! BUT NOT THE MEANING!!! and that is wear the problem lies.

The kifaya is sooo much part of contemporary fashion, yet the meaning is lost through the process of normalization. I have people asking me wear I bought my "scarf" (kifaya) from, and i look at them and say syria.... "What??? Sears???".... "NO SYRIA... You know 2 feet away from Palestine!!" The meaning is being lost, and I fear, that in the future, when the kifaya goes out of style.... When we wear one in opposition to Israeli brutality in Palestine, that people will not think... opposition to oppression... but... wow, that person is soooo 2009.... and that sucks big time... The message will remain undelivered...

So, what should we do:

1- whenever you see someone wearing one, ask them the meaning behind it... If they know it, give them a thumbs up... if they don't, tell them!!!
2- Start wearing t-shirts that clearly say: OPPOSE ISRAELI BRUTALITY IN PALESTINE!!!! or something similar, pair it with the kifaya, and make the meaning known!!!
3- POST THIS BLOG POST TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, all you kifaya wearing peoples out there... Please vocalize your condemnation and opposition to oppressive tactics of the Israeli police force in palestine. Normalize peace... normalize opposition to injustice.... but don't normalize a symbol... because sometimes... it can lose it's meaning.

salam \\// peace
-reem

Some poetry performances

2009-04-04T08:00:00.000-07:00

Morning,
so... i have a couple of video's on youtube of my feature... but the audio quality sucks a bit... but anyway... I wanted to share...
to see all my video's go to
www.youtube.com/whitefawn87

This is just one... enjoy :)

Mornings are mornings

2009-04-02T05:11:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I feel like mornings are no more than mornings... extensions of the previous day... I sleep and wake up to the same routine... I wake up to a day pretty much the same as yesterday... Are they supposed to be different? Am I supposed to make them different? If try to make them different everyday, essentially, aren't you doing the same thing? I don't know.

I was wondering why it's so hard for people to get up in the morning... Like there are days where I wake up at 7am... and I'm like whoa... I totally overslept. But I mean, if they're just extensions of the previous day, what makes it so hard to get up at 7am rather than 11am.... why is it so hard to get in bed at 9pm rather than 1am....

If mornings were just extensions to the previous day... than instead of cereal, pancakes and general "breakfast" foods, why can't we eat pizza, pasta, and salads?? I mean, there wouldn't be anything wrong with that right?

Why do we have to change our clothes from PJ's to 'daytime' clothes? I mean, if mornings were just like yesterday, why can't i just sleep in my jeans, and go out in my PJ's??

Why are you considered fasting if you haven't had breakfast in the morning, but right before you slept, you ate a whole 3 boxes of girl scout cookies...? Technically.... 3 hours later, you had eaten... right?

I guess what I'm trying to say is this... mornings can seem like an extension of all the other days... so that it feels like you're living in a year long day... but the reality is that, we live a new life every 24 hours. We wake up and can be the same or choose to do something different. We breathe a new breath, live a new moment, wake up to a new day that you've never experienced before. Sometimes you feel like that everyday is exactly the same (lol NIN)... but it isn't. My dad used to tell me growing up that I should treat each day with it's worth, like it's a brand new thing and that I want to experience every moment of it. What he told me made me start to think that days weren't just a construct of time, but an actual 'thing' that had certain rights that I need to oblige to it. Sure I can treat it the same everyday, but how do you like sitting in a classroom with a monotonous droning professor? The day has to be greated with the enthusiasm a new best friend (or i guess, a loved one). Exciting, enthralling, worthwhile even if you do nothing, savored, cherished, ect. So, if you're feeling like one morning is just a merger between the night before... write a blog post about it... It gets thoughts flowing.... and essentially, you were able to savor this moment of the new day... with some heartfelt words. And I guess it makes the new morning different and worth waking up to.

salam
-reem

Shoot me... if you're talking about Twilight...

2009-03-30T04:57:00.000-07:00

This is a much needed post... and at first I thought I wouldn't bother dedicating a whole blog post on twilight and it's characters... but forces beyond my control have deemed me to write an entry...

So, guys have now discovered.... Edward Cullen... my prof brought up Edward Cullen the other day in class, and a Facebook guy friend was like I finally watched the movie and I can establish connections...

First things first... I read the books, because the covers intrigued me. I didn't really know what the book was about... I just thought the covers were really good, simply, elegant, worth it... and that was my first mistake... judging a book by it's cover. Anyway.. it wasn't that the books sucked... They were alright, for a new author... It's just that I'm an avid reader... I read between 4-7 books a week if i'm busy... if i'm not busy... it's more like 7-14.. in a zillion different genres.

Stephenie Meyer is a relatively new author. I mean, she had a potential story, but nothing really happens. It's all like... I love you but I can't have you and you love me... but I might kill you... and well, that's a bit frustrating after 4 books. But anyway, she compells you to read on. So, I'll give her that. I believe that with a couple of more books, she'll be able to fully develop her characters.

The best authors are those who are able to tell the whole story behind a character, without bogging you down with the details. You fall in love with the characters, because their story and their world becomes your world.. and well Stephenie Meyer, still needs to work on that. I'll admit though, her remake of twiligh (midnight sun?), through edwards perspective was really good, because he has a bit more excitement in his life... Bella.. she doesn't really do anything. you don't really know her likes and dislikes... until she meets jacob.. and that's why the books start to get good. Bella doesn't represent the average girl... because the average girl has some sort of friends... no matter how much of a loner you are (and trust me... i know loners very well... i'm a bit anti-social at times), you have some sense of friends.

The second deadly sin (yes i'm joking) of stephenie meyer was that she created edward cullen... supposedly super sexy vampire... but he's dead... well undead... but what I'm trying to say is that his character is soooo underdeveloped that you never know much about him... other than 1) he's a super sexy vampire 2) he hates then loves bella unconditionally 3) he can read minds, except bella's and 4) he's supposed to be the perfect guy... I mean, what makes him the perfect guy? The fact that he shows emotion? but does he really? Stephenie Meyer, in an interview, mentioned that she made him perfect so that girls can know that there is an ideal... something like that... but no one wants a perfect guy.... they just don't exist.

Edward:
1) had no emotions of concern other than of bella... so who was he, really? I mean, how many people can you truly be friends with, or in love with, when you just talk about how much you love each other... but not on anything else. A true relationship goes both ways... and clearly Edward didn't let that happen.

2) was a stalker... no need to explain that... if you think it's sexy... then I'll tell you this... it's one thing to have a guy inquire about you... it's another thing completely to have him watch your house... I mean... can I say Big Brother

3) was too Emo.. yes, that sounds contradictory... cuz my #1 was not enough emotions... but i mean.. he was gonna commit suicide cuz he thought bella committed suicide... how Romeo and Juliet is that... I mean seriously... I <3 emo guys, and I have strong emo tendencies.. but I mean, can I say plagiarism of ideas??

4) mind reader... why was it that the only girl he fell in love with was because he couldn't read her mind? He was intrigued. I mean, a good love story always includes some intrigue... but I mean... how many guys prefer not to know what's on a woman's mind...? I think edward felt the same... I mean... i highly doubt they would of hooked up, if he wasn't curious...

Bella
1) is supposed to be this extremely normal teenage girl... but she causes a stir in her new school... why is that? I mean, that stir should have occured to the readers... but if you ask most girls... they don't like bella... they don't relate to her at all... in fact, many girls relate to edward or jacob a lot more.

2) I personally liked bella, because her mind was always over active... but I mean, she did nothing... how many teenage kids do nothing... I mean... go to the mall... hang out a bit more often... she read like 1 book in the whole series and went to the beach like once. hello??? do something.

3) weak. Usually... authors develop a character to have some sort of strength that, although everyone else is so much stronger (vampires ect) the weaker character is stronger in mind. You find in the last book, that she had good control over her mind, and that's why no one could read her thoughts... but 3 books of what?? fragility...? that people love her? but what is it about her that compells the people around her... Bella's mind power should have been a lot more developed in the first couple of books. stronger intuitive... proactive...

4) which brings me to passive... she's just sooo damn passive... it kills me. I just wanted to scream at some point DO SOMETHING!!!

Okay, okay... enough about the two main characters... but anyway, the books were alright... I can't believe they caused such a sensation. If you want to read a REALLY good vampire series read The Vampire Diaries. I mean, I read the whole Twilight series, and I thought they were okay.. A lot could have happened... but nothing really did. A good book, has a good plot and a good climax... and well, honestly, Twilight et all lacked that component... the climax came much too much at the end (like last 10-15 pages). I mean, to compare it to Harry Potter just seems blasphemous. I want to smack every hormone raged girl, who thinks to compare the two.

Stephenie Meyer, if you read this silly blog post, you'll get three messages:
1) as you write more, you'll get much better... and we already saw that happening through the progression of your series
2) develop your characters and plot more. Think about how you meet someone for the first time... how do you get to know them... they don't tell you everything, but you learn about them through conversation... let your readers learn your characters.
3) don't worry about the critics (like me) cuz apparently you were successful enough.. but make sure you take some into consideration, because we all have room to improve.

All you companies who are looking for a book critic... sign me up... I will totally do it... I love reading..

\\// peace

Mission... UN-accomplished

2009-03-29T05:01:00.000-07:00

So... the day before yesterday... I was at meijer... wandering... and I found these amazing shoes for $10!!! and I was like THEY ARE PERFECT!

So, if you know me... I'm not a shopper really... but at the same time.. I am a BARGAIN shopper to the max... like I don't spend more than like $10 on anything unless... I *gasp* really want them... and yesterday... I was like boooyaa!! meijer has shoes that are perfect for me... about one inch heels, black, simple, yet sexy... perfect for when I have to go to all those girl parties while i'm in syria...

and yesterday, I went back to buy them... I mean.. there were multiple pairs... and ALAS!!! there were none... :( so... me and ruby went from store to store looking for shoes... we spent almost 4 hours looking for shoes... and I mean honestly... I can run for 7 miles... but if you want me to go shopping i burn out soooo fast.. it's not even funny...

So.. we came home shoeless... :( mission left unaccomplished...

Now... I have like a couple more stores in our area before I venture to the mall...
1) kohls
2) famous footwear

okay... well... i'm done blogging at the moment...
I think we're just gonna go to the mall after breakfast... (yes I slept over ruby's house... the week my thesis is do... sigh. i am pathetic)

\\// PEACE
-reem

2:49pm!!!!!!! SAME DAYYY!!!

Okay I'm back!! I bought a pair of sneakers ($9)!!! Wicked Cute!! Also, a pair of nice, simple black flats with a little ribbon weaved through them ($14)!! I bought two wicked cute, elegant, yet simple skirts, one shiny black ($3) and the other blue , white and black ($4), and a very nice sweater thing ($2) (what are they called, the really thin material, but it's like a button up).. from Kohls... and to think.. I was telling ruby how I really didn't want to go, cuz I never end up wanting to go.

And how much did I spend on all of this?? about $32... bargain shopping all the way!! Alhamdullilah!! (thank God!)

\\// PEACE!
-reem, yet again

say... PEACE!!

2009-03-28T10:49:00.000-07:00

And the servants of the Most Merciful are those who walk upon the earth easily, and when the ignorant address them [harshly], they say [words of] peace (25; 063)

salam,

so... I came across this verse in surat al-furqan... and it just made me... unsuspectedly... laugh.

now, you might be thinking... why is this random muslim blogger laughing at the words of God... but it wasn't that I was laughing in a... haha-funny, laughter... it was more like... haha-interesting... cuz.. I always say 'peace out!!!' or 'peace' in general... but at the same time... i'm a relatively angry person..

but anyway, I was thinking that this verse has a very interesting format... now think about it... It's basically a story of a 'servant of God' broken up into 3 parts:
1- walking upon the earth easily
2- the ignorant address them harshly
3- they say peace

I was wondering what does walking upon the earth easily mean...?personally... physically, i often trudge... does it mean literal walk... or does it mean a certain attitude or a way to hold oneself?? ect... While I read this, I thought of it, more along the lines of literally an attitude.. having a somewhat mellow, easy outlook on life. I think of the way people act, who sincerely believe in God, and a lot of the time, they're really mellow. Like, it's all good, God's got my back... and so, when they 'walk upon the earth easily' you realize, that they're taking the condition of the world easily... not to be confused with lightly... but they take it easily, because they feel like they can do something about it.. it's not hard to deal with the earth, very simple... obey God type of thing. Why? because they're servants of God, and again, if they do something, they know that the hard part, God's got covered... you know what I mean??

The second part the ignorant address them harshly, what kind of ignorance do them mean? Like is it like religious ignorance? or is it, general ignorance? I heard a saying recently that goes something like this: don't argue with an ignorant person, you'll always lose... and when I read this verse, I was thinking why do ignorant people like to argue? They say that ignorance is bliss... and sometimes that's true... but ignorance is also frustrating... imagine being somewhere and everyone knows something that you're ignorant about... I know that my ignorance in my field of study frustrates me sooooo much... I get mean, harsh, and angry... and it made me think.. maybe ignorance takes a psychological toll... not like.. hi, this person is crazy... but if you feel like you're missing something, a piece of information, you get determined to cover that weakness up... you go into this... super... RAAWR mood... and you get harsh, defensive and so on... I felt like the word, ignorant in this verse takes on a different meaning, than if it was like 'the non-believers' or something like that. I feel like, often, ignorance translates a person into this bundle of chaotic energy, that leads to a sense of harshness... of trying to, you know, make up for what's lacking...

The third part is in reference to the servants of God saying peace and it's interesting on how the word peace is used... I mean, it's used as a greeting... It's also used to indicate the relationship you want to have... i.e. peaceful, as in not fighting... also, it indicates the type of person you are as well... you want to relax, not fight, just let it go... and I feel like, responding with peace, just seems so chillax... you know? Why bother stressing?? Just say peace, because you know that the argument is, essentially, useless.. Instead of trying to prove an ignorant person wrong, just embody the concept of peace... be like... what's the point in arguing? Lets just you know... agree to disagree.. pick up a cup of chai and you know... chill... be peaceful... find a sense of comfort with oneself, because you know that God's, once again, got you covered.

any how... I just came across this:
http://www.wikihow.com/Stop-Letting-Ignorant-People-Bother-You
which basically instructs you on how to deal with ignorant people and it made me laugh all over again...

By the by, this is not like a tafseer or anything... just personal reflections I have sometimes... we need to develop a personal connection to you know the words of God, and I feel like when I do it like this, it makes me feel... relieved in a way...

salam \\// peace
-reem

Whispers and Jugular Vein

2009-03-27T08:02:00.000-07:00

"And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein" (Qaf; 16)

Salam,
So, usually when people reference this verse they talk about the aspect of God being closer to us than the Jugular vein... and yesterday when I was reading this surah on my way to work... The first part struck me... And we have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him which is different than that aspect of just closeness... I don't know what I was thinking before reading the verse, but a lot of the time our thoughts over power us... now... you might be thinking... umm... reem that makes no sense... but for me it really struck a cord...

A day before, I told a friend of mine "my own thoughts suffocate me"... sometimes I feel under attack by my own thoughts... Not in the sense that I'm depressed... but I think too much... If you know me well, you know that I'm a motor mouth... I say anything and everything... But if you know me even better... you know that my brain talks to me... yes two sided conversations... back and forth... somewhat schitzophrenic, because it's not me who I'm talking to... but at the same time it's me... It's like my thoughts have a mind and will of their own... I can sit there with a 'look' on my face, and well underneath it all their's like verbal (well mental... but not psychological perse) warfare going on...

I told my dad once that I have this thing that I named, parallel thought processing... so you know how computers do parallel processing... my brain does that... so it's like I have two or more people in my brain thinking at the same time... and sometimes it's sooo loud that I have to take SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much tylenol just to get the pounding to stop... but anyway... back to the verse...

So, the verse says And we have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him and it made me think about how well God knows us... and the fact that God said "whispers" reminded me so much of my own mind. Not one whisper.... but grammatically in a format in arabic that it's like repeated whispers (yuwaswas... rather than waswasa).. I don't know it just made me think about the fact that although I have all these thoughts and whispers going on in my head... God knows about it.

Knowing that God knows about it, makes me feel much more sane... and that more comfortable... and in a sense... confident. After you know, exposing my psychological fears... God then says the second part... which is often quoted "and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein" and it makes me think of God as somewhat of a Psychiatrist/Psychologist... On call... just a prayer away... oh so close to us, we just need to grasp that concept.

A lot of the time, when I hear that verse, people interpret it so that is God like being you know... in your head... in a "Big Brother", I'm watching you, type of way... But yesterday, when I was reading the verse... It felt like... God knows what I'm thinking, because He's going to be there for me... Like how one of your friends that you grew up with can read your thoughts out of knowing you so well and loving you... and then if it's just hard, she'll (or he'll) assure you a spot on their shoulder to lean on. You know what I mean?

So, as I was reading that verse, I realized that regardless of the paralell thought processing and the thought suffocation that I felt often plagues me (and possibly others)... that God knew my thoughts, understood them and is going to be there for me.

I guess that's it.. Maybe you'll feel/reflect on the verse another way...

salam \\// peace
-reem

Growing up too fast or not growing up at all?

2009-03-17T06:45:00.000-07:00

This is an essay/reaction paper I wrote for my infancy and child development class...
I feel like it's still relevant... :s I just came across it while going through my email.. :s i included some comments within it... (they're in the brackets)

----

Growing up too fast or not growing up at all? August 25, 2005

To be able to speak of past experiences that effected how one turned out to be as an adult, you have to be an adult. But if you are not an adult, then how can you speak of things that affected your childhood and adolescence when you are still experiencing those years of your life. To make this introduction a little more clear, I will just have to spell it out. I am a seventeen year old, political science major, senior, class of spring 2006 at the University of Massachusetts Boston. I work at a psychiatric clinic, and intern at a civil rights organization. This piece of writing is supposed to illustrate how I grew up to be from my childhood experiences, but what if your childhood experiences are beyond your time. What if you grew up to fast? Even worse, what if you never really grew up?

I will start off from my extremely early years, from what my mom told me while I was growing up, or pretending to grow up. My mother enjoys making fun of me because my whole life seemed rushed. I was born a month early, giving myself a month head start in the ‘out of womb’ life. I started walking when I was about 9 months and talking around 10 months. Not just mama and dada kind of words but two to three words. When I started kindergarten I started a year early. I was three years old, where as everyone else in my class was four. In total by the time I was 3 years old, I was already one year and one month ahead of myself. I know many children have started school early, or were educated before starting school, but regardless I was already given that head start and was one of those kids.

When in elementary school, I do not remember being smart, or doing well in my classes. I even remember being in special education class for reading because I was at such a low reading level because my dad was always at work and my mom did not really know how to speak English. So, as far as I was concerned, I always thought I was pretty dumb. During the summer before the 4th grade, my parents dragged my siblings and I to Syria, and decided to live there for a year. My siblings were placed in an English speaking school, and I was placed in an Arabic speaking catholic school. I did not know how to speak Arabic originally, but after continuous studying, and being tutored by my mother every morning, before school and in the afternoon, before the cartoons came on the television I eventually picked up the Arabic language. By the end of the school year I ranked 3rd out of the whole 4th grade class.

I came back to the United States and continued onto the 5th grade, and maintained really good grades, placing the 1st in my class every year, and getting high honors every quarterly term. This continued until the 7th grade, which was when my school (and parents) made me take an exam, which I placed at a 10th grade level. So I got to skip the eighth grade. So, I started my freshman year of high school at 12 years old. By the time I was finishing my sophomore year, the high school I had attended decided they wanted to send me to college doing the dual enrollment program. Basically, while finishing your 11th and 12th year in high school, you do your freshman and sophomore year of college, allowing you to graduate acquiring your high school diploma and associates degree. When I finally graduated high school and got my associates degree, I was another 2 years ahead of myself. After another year starting as a junior at Umass Boston, I finished my junior year and now upon the end of the summer, I will be starting my senior year. Totaling to the 4 years of my head start in life.

This is just a brief explanation of my education in regards to growing up too fast or possibly not growing up at all. As for responsibilities, I am the youngest out of 4 siblings. I always helped my mom around the house, and had to clean up after my older siblings, because they were just too oblivious to help my mom by just merely picking up after themselves. I had to tutor my elder brother, because of all my jumps in school, we ended up in high school together, taking most of the same classes. It was my assumed responsibility to remind him of his homework, tutor him, and basically have his back at all times. If he slipped in school it was supposedly my fault. My father and mother tended to confide in me, my dad about his financial, work, and community problems, my mom about her students. I felt like I was the back bone of our family and if I was to move at the sight of danger the whole family would collapse (i don't know how true this is now). My sister thinks I am her best friend (she is!), and my brother this he’s my best friend (he was at some point), always getting things off their shoulders and adding them onto mine (i take things very personally... so when they'd confide in me.. i felt like i had to address the issues). I know it’s great being everyone’s favorite, but usually it is because you are the youngest (i.e. you're supposed to be spoiled rotten), not because you assume the most responsibilities (like me).

Now as I am older, I realized that I was robbed of my childhood. Although I went to a lot of youth oriented events, I never really got to fully explore childhood (i still feel like this). No one had the time to just play with me, and if they did have the time it would be worth sparing it on just playing games, but rather confiding their problems (yeah at some point it was depressing). When I was still 12 I wanted to go outside and play kickball, basket ball, soccer, or soft ball not worry about make up and how to dress (apparently all my friends were into this when i was in highschool... hence me being 12 and wanting to play outside). As I grew into my teenage years, my friends also began to pour out their hearts onto my shoulders and I never really did the same (i'm a very weird person, i can get someone to tell me every last detail of their life... but i can't do the same). I felt that people had worse problems than me and that I should just get over mine (i feel like that all the time till this day). So, I’m the best friend to many, yet I feel like a liar to myself (oh God... this sounds soo familiar... I was telling some of my friends how my best feature is my ability to BS everything). Even though I had been successful in my high school years, I have never felt one day anxiety free because of school and classes. When I laugh joke or play, it is exaggerated or over played. When I cry, I cry too much. When I deal with money, I budget too accurately. When I clean I am a perfectionist. But at the same time, when I am pressured into doing something, I’m dependent, and people see me as being really strong, but I feel broken and unable to do what I really am capable of doing. When I think, in my head I know I am still a child, and people treat me like a child with restrictions and curfews. People never realize that I was nurtured as an adult. I was robbed of my childhood, 4 years of it. When I am talked to people should look at me and think she’s at least 21 not 17 (lol what's funny is that, now that I'm 21... i feel like people should treat me like a 45 year old.. cuz that's what a personality test told me my age-mentality was), because I have done as much as the average 21 year old would do (yet, i missed out on what the average 12 year old got to experience).

Basically, I still have a few more years to experience adolescence (lol.. not anymore). For now, even though I did a lot of childish things in my life, I am an adult (that still applies). I consider myself 21, even though all documents pertaining to my life state that I am 17 because my date of birth is 11/24/1987 (okay... well now i'm really 21... so this doesn't really apply.. like i said i feel 45). Till now, my parents treat me like a child, but at the same time treat me like a full grown adult through their hopes that I will help them out and assume responsibility when needed (still sooo true). When they complain I have to help them solve their problems and talk to them. But, when I complain about things to them, I am considered a whiny teenager, who does not know anything (soooooo true!!!!). Although, I love the fact that I get to finish school early, and hopefully higher education as well, I want to be able to go out and party with my friends, I want to go to concerts, I want to have enough time to go see a movie not making plans to go out but just getting up and going. I want free time. I don’t think I’ll ever know what I want, because I want to be treated as adult yet, I’m still considered a child, and sometimes I want to be considered just that I know everything that goes on around me is the result of my own actions, but the question for me is did I grow up too fast, or did I never grow at all?

---

I feel like that till this day... I mean, I feel like I'm too old for my age... but at the same time.. I feel like a little kid who doesn't know what they want out of life... Lately, I've been experiencing my Mid-Life Crisis... and given the history report I just shared... well.. it only makes sense to experience it.. you know.. 20 years early.. sigh.

Anyway.. I pray that one day I'll figure it out... inshaAllah
salam
-reem

For the fat women running

2009-03-15T16:42:00.000-07:00

salam,
so yeah... i'm obese (yes.. clinically)... whatever... i don't care. Well, to an extent I do... see, i'm a relatively healthy woman. I eat well... and I go to the gym every other day for 2 hours... and in between (or while at the gym) I run about 3-5 miles each time... so why do people still have to look at the fat woman running?

I don't know yet... if it's my size or my hijab... i still haven't figured it out yet... but i'm guessing it's my size... but the sad thing is.. i'm probably more in shape and healthier than any of those silly people who stare me down.

I mean... i can run at most (i'm working on beating my threshold so i can do the detroit half-marathon) 7 miles without a break in between... so why do people look at me funny... Is it because the weight I carry???

eerrg... so what happened was this... i'm running.. at a pace of about 6 miles per hour... (which is about 10 minutes per mile..) and out of the blue... these young adults... slow down by me.. point and laugh... like LEGIT... not even.. you know... subtely.. and it ticked me off... they're lucky i'm not too much in a bad mood... cuz i would have been like i don't care... i'll buy a new ipod... and ran faster and keyed (well actually ipoded) their car... but i was okay.. i just breathed in and out... you know calming techniques...

I was SOOOO angry though... don't they know that us big women have extra to deal with (lol... literally).. I mean, given that i'm probably not the most anorexic of people, but why do they have to do stupid stuff like that... I wanted to just pull them out of the car and be like... 'think you're a superstar?? why don't you race me'... urg. but anyway.. just cuz you might see a big woman running doesn't necessarily mean she's
1) trying to lose weight
2) going to give up by tomorrow
3) pretending to run... but when you pull away... she'll start walking again
4) fat because she eats chocolate creme pie for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

sigh. sometimes I get so annoyed with people... raaaaaaawr.
I grew up a very sports oriented kid... in the beginnning it was dance (ballet, jazz, tap, and gymnastics), as i grew older i played 5 years of basketball, 2 years of softball, one year of cross country, and since i was 16 i've been an active member at a campus gym... so why do you pathetic kids got to point and laugh and the big women run....

okay.. i'm gonna stop there. I was just really annoyed. I wish I could just induce them with like 30 to 50 pounds of added fat just so they can know what it's like to be a big woman... and then i want to make them run... run like they've never ran before... and just think about those 30-50 pounds you have to run with... like strap on weights that you wear when working out...

okay okay... i kept going.. i'm sorry. i'm just annoyed.

Comment.

and please... if you see a big woman running... instead of stereotyping or making assumptions... you should really be thinking... if that woman has 50 extra pounds on me.... why can't i run like her? Maybe, you need to assess your energy output...

salam
-reem

Kindergarten geniuses

2009-03-10T15:47:00.000-07:00

Salam (PEACE)!

So, I'm dedicating this post to my mother... who is just, subhannaAllah, amazing! Everyday, I watch her take notes on multiple different books of tafseer (islamic hermeneutics), seerah (life/history of Muhammad, peace be upon him) and so on... It amazes me.... it shocks me... it confuses me... but most of all it amuses me.
Do you know what she does with the material gathered??? She teaches at an Islamic montessori school.... where here students are between the ages of 3-6 years old... And she teaches them materials made for scholars.... and the even more amazing thing is this... they learn it!!! actually internalize and understand it!!!!
That's how I want to be when I become a professor (obviously, my age group is very different but still). It just hit me so strongly today, as I was watching her prepare her lesson plans. I mean seriously??? She's teaching little kids things made for college age folk.
and it hit me... it's never too early to teach your kids, no matter the subject or however advanced it may seem, as long as you know (or learn) how to deliver it to them in a way they'd understand.
now think about all those kids growing up nowaday, so underchallenged that their potential slips down the drains... not only that... but even when they are challenged, the teachers are presenting it to them in a way that they cannot understand....
my question is this... is our education system actually educating students at the levels that they could learn at?? Or are we just teaching them with the wrong methods, not truly understanding the students and therefore being unable to convey or articulate the knowledge to them???
I was amazed, truly amazed, when I realized all this research my mom does for a kindergarten (more or less) class... I never realized how much I might have learned from her growing up if she was my teacher (obviously given that she's my mom she can't exactly teach me in school). And now I wonder, if one woman puts sooo much effort in teaching 3-6 year olds... what would happen to the education system if all teachers did the same?
Throughout my life, my mom's former students always used to come to me and be like... your mom is an amazing teacher... we love her... we've learned so much from her... ect. And I guess I'm jealous I didn't get to be in a formal classroom with her. But this is my suggestion for all parents, teachers, professors, instructors ect, please really don't underestimate your students due to their ages (or other things)... Prepare your lesson plans, like you're writing a thesis... do the research from the hard sources, and teach it in a format that the students would understand the language of...
you know... i've recently talked to my mother's students, and they're like kindergarten geniuses, I totally respect them... And I really hope that I can help them grow throughout life, so that they can one day move past me and excel to great heights. (i'm not trying to be cheesy... i'm serious). I hope that each one of them surpass the best in society now, because right now, I feel like they're already smarter than me, mashaAllah (which kinda means, how great is the Will of God.
I guess I'll stop there...
but all I have to say is this. I love my mom... and I see how much she puts in for her students, regardless of their age (she's taught between kindergarten through highschool ages groups).. and I really hope that when I become a professor in the future, that all my presentations, lectures, discussions, essays, papers, books and articles are all written in a language people understand, but filled with the content of scholars. Everyone should have access to the 'high up' knowledge... that's why we need dedicated liasons to deliver that information.

salam
\\//
PEACE
-reem

supReem FEATURE!! THIS FRIDAY!!! the 27th!

2009-02-25T05:32:00.000-08:00

Asalamu alaikum//// PEACE!!!! \\//
So.... this friday is my step into the world... both career wise and artistically...
I'm taking my comprehensive exams at 9am... and basically if I pass them... I can graduate... and trust me... It's a HARD exam... students who've been studying harder and longer than me... well were forced to retake it later... :( but hopefully inshaAllah (by the will of God) I'll pass.. :) and then I can write my Masters essay and (well if that goes well) I can REALLY graduate...
Anyway...
I'd really like it if you (yes anyone who reads this!!!) could come to my feature at the echo verse poetry series.
It's at 1515 Broadway, Detroit MI... same place where we had the MY Expressions... This friday night (the 27th) at 9pm.
It's a $10 cover...
It is an amazing poetry open mic series... that has my 100% support.. They do all KINDS of poetry at the echo verse poetry series. I'm gonna say though... sometimes, it's better to leave the little ones at home though. It's all about self-expression!
Also, I have been blessed to be this friday's featured poet... so... be there!

If you can come! bring a friend!!! and even better... BRING SOME POETRY!! for the open mic...
I can't remember if there's a slam this week as well... but if there is... participate! get some experience!!! you just need a 3 minute long piece and some will power and you can do it!!!

I really would love to see you all there, inshaAllah (God willing).
asalamu alaikum \\// PEACE
-reem or... this friday supReem

depressed??... be happy...

2009-02-24T06:36:00.000-08:00

Asalamu alaikum.... meaning... may peace be upon you...

Initially, I was going to write about some reflections I had yesterday at a workshop, but now... after saying asalamu alaikum, I think I might go in another direction... actually.. you know what?? I'll do both... and hope it doesn't get too wordy...

Anyway, lately I've been feeling wicked depressed... For as long as I can remember, I've had emotions and thoughts of a self-deprecating nature. I mean, thoughts of... it doesn't matter how many people might tell you that they love you... the reality is... you don't love yourself... and therefore... what everyone else says just seems inconsequential... without weight... basically a form of projecting your own doubts about yourself onto people, and not really taking what they say with any seriousness or validity...
Now, those of you who know me (or think they do)... might think damn!!! I thought Reem was this bubbly, confident, full of herself, happy person... Allahu 'alam.

Anyway, so during the day yesterday I was wicked sad... that I was sitting in the middle of the UGL and started crying while reading my email... not like sniffles... but silent tears... that you know came out like rivers... and some girl looked at me... all pity like.... and it made me feel all the more depressed... like i'm not even in control... My sister had suggested that I tell her (yes we were on gchat) I was committing cyber suicide... leave it to my sister to crack me up in the midst of teariness.. :D (I LOVE YOU RUBY!!!)

Anyway, so i go to this workshop, and basically the speaker/discussant/leader in our group basically tells us that our religion is a source of happiness (in my head I was thinking more along the lines of contentment but happiness works too)... And if we don't feel happy, there's an issue we need to address, we need to go back to the sources of Islam and re-establish that connection... Because recognizing God as the source of all (yes... all...) then you recognize that He is a constant in your life, where people might come and go, things might come and go, emotions might come and go... but God... well He's always there... and you can scream, fight, love, hate... but God will still be there.

For me... although I've heard that sooo many times before... yesterday, it was like a re-dawning... I realized that my connection with God has been weak... possibly even severed... and alot of my moodiness might stem from that. Maybe, I won't be able to love myself... until I really love God. Maybe, love is an emotion that is superficial/imaginary unless it's made real with God. (not to sound super like weird and all)... but I was thinking about it. I mean... as a person who believes in God... my emotions are made truly REAL when associated with God.

So, back to the concept of Asalamu alaikum... have you ever realized... that Asalamu alaikum... the most common Islamic greeting... means Peace be upon you... I've always thought of it as in... peace like versus war in a social/political sense. (I remember someone saying it was a greeting to make clear that there was no conflict between people, with an extended hand).. But after yesterday... with the issue of contentment/happiness... maybe it's a prayer for inner peace... I mean... If someone was like... Reem... May Peace be upon you... I'd think they're praying for my sanity. Praying for a sense of happiness and contentment... They're praying for me to re-establish my connection with God. They're praying for me to love myself. They're praying for me to love everyone else (and no I don't necessarily mean it in the hippie way.. but sure why not).. They're praying for me to accept everyone regardless of any baggage they may carry... They're praying for something... meaning... they cannot give it to me... I cannot give it to me... Only God can give it to me... Therefore... they're praying for me to make peace with God. They're praying for me... to essentially truly accept God and His Will and Wisdom... To truly realize that God is once again... there... waiting for you to recognize Him in your life.

I don't know... before starting this post... before typing in asalamu alaikum in the beginning... I had intended to complain about how I hated myself so much... but now... by the end of this post... I'm thinking... maybe that feeling can change.. maybe I can truly love myself oneday (maybe today... inshaAllah... maybe 30 years from now... God knows best)... and now I'm thinking... whenever I say asalamu alaikum to someone or if someone says it to me... I'm gonna think of it, in these terms... because it's a prayer to God for Peace... and everyone wants some sense of contentment/happiness/inner peace.

I guess... I hope that our mission in life isn't something superficial and quantitative... I hope people truly acquire a sense of inner peace.

Asalamu aliakum... May Peace be upon you.

Black-sited (short story)

2009-02-10T16:43:00.000-08:00

So... this is a short story I wrote... for a short story competition... i don't think i've heard from them yet... but i submitted to it about 3 months ago.. and well... i'm not sure when you're supposed to hear back... but anyway... here it is

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Black-sited

By Reem Abou-samra

I was kicking a screaming, wrenching out of their grasp, gasping for breath between shrieks that felt like banshees shattering my ears. Why were they taking me?! Where are they taking me? I didn’t want to go with these men. “Let me go!” I yelled, till my throat was raw, my arms flapping about in all directions, like a baby bird learning to take flight. They held my arms securely, more securely than I could ever hold myself together. They wouldn’t answer me. The most one of these men would say was “You have the right to remain silent” and I would go berserk. Remain silent, for being taken away? On what charges?! Who do they think they are?! And then it hit me, like all those rumors I heard about Muslims in our community, it hit me, like a brick in the face, it hit me. I was being detained! My body suddenly went limp out of shock, and they tightened their grasps on me. Words, let alone thoughts, couldn’t form past my lips. I didn’t know what to do? Should I comply with them, should I fight back? Why were they taking me anyway? I was part of the collateral damage, my head is pounding, my legs feel broken, and why are they taking me? I am a victim.

“I am a victim!!!” I couldn’t hold it in any longer. “Why are you guys taking me?!” I screamed at them. One of the guards looked at me sideways, a look that burned me inside out, accusing, threatening, full of animosity, “you’re a terrorist, that’s why we’re taking you.” He said in whispered tones, his voice passionate yet low. My jaw dropped, me, a terrorist? I was on my way to pick up my daughter, when all of a sudden a gun shot sounded, followed by many others. The whole street of people seemed to drop to the ground instantaneously. I was silently praying in my head that my daughter was out on the street, playing hopscotch with her classmates. When all of a sudden the shots died out, and as we all got up off the ground slowly, I was practically tackled by four men, probably double my size in both height and weight.

“I didn’t do anything! And my daughter needs me!” I said between attempts to pull away from them. The same guard looked at me again, and said “Your daughter won’t even notice you’re gone, you filthy piece of crap.” I couldn’t take it, what were they doing, I almost lost my life, my daughter was in jeopardy, I didn’t know what to do. Their hold on me was too tight; I could feel my arms losing feeling, because of lack of blood circulation. I tried to wrench free again, and the next thing I knew, the guard took the side of his gun and hit me on the head, and I slipped away.

Later….

I feel groggy, and I can’t tell anything apart. I’m not even sure if I am awake yet, since with my eyes open, everything looks darker than it was when my eyes were closed. I try to extend my legs, to stretch them from the fetal position I was lying in for the past, God knows how long. But they don’t get further than maybe half a foot, six measly inches, feeling like ancient Chinese foot binding had evolved into leg binding, and was being practiced on Arab males. I massage them, pushing, pressuring, drawing circles on my calves, knees, thighs, but the cramping doesn’t stop. Restless leg syndrome, I’ve had it since I was a kid, and it’s ten time worse now since I can’t do anything to stop it. I need to just ride it out.

My eyes finally register the darkness that surrounds me, and my ears and nose kick into hyper-sensitive, and I can smell something dead, and hear something run by me, rats maybe. I hear dripping water somewhere beyond this tomb like chamber. All of a sudden swift foot steps come down a hall just beyond these cement walls, doors are yanked open, something seems to fall, maybe drop to the ground with a clang, and doors slam shut. I hear the steps coming closer and closer, and I brace myself, hoping that this is a bad dream, and someone is on the brink of waking me up. The footsteps stop for half a second before a small sliding door is heaved open, bright light defuses in. I’m blinded temporarily, not being able to see the face of my savior, before my ears twitch, tingle, shatter, as a loud clang hits the ground right between my bended, cramping legs. I’m still blinded, my head is pounding. Is it from lack of caffeine or is it the dark? How long have I been here. I can’t even remember anymore. Has it been a day, weeks, months, years? I’m not even sure.

A smell wafts up and tickles my senses, food. Is it breakfast, lunch, dinner? I can’t be sure, since there is no consistency to our meal times. I don’t want to eat. I’m scared of eating. The smell dies away by the overpowering stench of crap. My own or someone else’s, I’m not even sure. All I know is that I can either suffer hunger, or I can suffer dehydration, because it’s laced with laxatives. My stomach grumbles, tightens and I feel nauseated, maybe from diarrhea or from hunger, whatever it is, it feels like an earthquake that is impossible to still. Hunger wins out, I reach for the plate and take a bite. It’s tastes nasty, like someone shat in my mouth. I my stomach resists this invasion, and I heave it out. Bile fills my mouth and throat. I give up, praying that someone will come for me, remember me, because I forgot them all.

I’m being dragged, my arms pulled over my head, as my head lolls to the side in surrender. I can feel the numbness in my legs, my head is pounding, like a hammer to the gong. It quakes through my body. I can smell, not feel, my blood drip away from my toes because my feet are being dragged behind me, cut up by jagged shards of rock, metal, glass, I’m not sure which, just something sharp. My capture dumps me on the ground. I still can’t tell, is it dark or bright, I don’t know, I feel blinded, am I blind? No. I’m blind folded.

Someone with a thunderous voice screams in my face, ripping apart any working faculty of my ear drums, and I can smell the sourness of his breath, practically taste it and my stomach clenches.
“WHY DID YOU DO IT?” and I respond with silence, until I start gasping, choking, coughing, I’m drowning. My arms attempt to paddle me to safety, but they’re restrained behind me. My legs can barely even move an inch, let alone help me swim to safety. I can’t breathe. Then, I gasp for breath. I realize that only my head was drowning. My body is dry of everything except my own sweat, which reminds me that I am still alive, until I start drowning again. This goes on, with all his questions “Who else was involved? Who do you work for? What is the next hit?” I can’t make sense of any of his questions, let alone answer them. I don’t understand why I am here, but I feel guilty, at fault, blameworthy, responsible for something I don’t even know about. This daily routine of inconsistency makes me feel like a scolded child, being sent to sit in the corner for time out.

Soon, Sour Breath gives up trying to pry answers out of me, like a dentist pulling out the wrong tooth. And I’m dragged again back to my sanctuary, my prison, my four walls that I’ve gotten to know so well, which indentation at what corner, every stone pressed against my back, the smell of piss, vomit, crap, dead animal carcasses, live ones, and rotting food. I’m being squished back into my cement box, my six foot frame, curled back into fetal position, being redeemed, being reborn, being returned to my cement womb. Something furry, crawls over my shoulder, and turns my chest and hair into it’s very own high ropes course. It slides down my body, scratching with it’s knife like claws, nibbling with razor sharp teeth at different parts, tasting me, and I, naked and bleeding, am a 3 course meal, buffet style. I drift out again, into a world of dreams, mostly nightmares, but all I wish for is that I could have a dead sleep.

I wake with a start. I’m being dragged again. No wait, I’m hanging by my arms, looped around my wrists are metal cuffs. Bright lights are turned on, and I scream at the image in front of me. There is a man, hanging like a star fish, out of the sea. Lands and legs spread, and I look down and realize that it is an image of me. A mirror. I smell him, before seeing him, Sour Breath is here. Again, his voice fills the air, threatening me with numbers of volts that I do not even recognize, are they high? Low? He says that if I comply with his questions then it won’t have to be this way. And I feel scolded again. He asks what I did, and I ask myself, what did I do? I can’t remember anything other than this life.

“Abdul-Salam, ANSWER ME NOW” he hollers and I can feel my ears twitch. Abdul-Salam, is that me? I can’t remember, he’s forcing me to, but it makes me forget all the more. All of a sudden, I feel on fire, my whole body tightens, my arms and legs clench at the shock that traveled through my body. The shock stopped, but my body continues to twitch for moments afterwards. And like the drowning, he continues battering me with questions that I don’t have answers to. I stare at him through the mirror, my eyes misted over, but I know he can see me glaring at him, but he doesn’t care. He smirks, and his horrible breath drifts over to me, more overpowering than my own stench, and another shock runs through me. I feel like I have been burnt inside out, my hair all standing at their ends, erect, waiting for another shock, over sensitized.

Tears are washing the grime off my cheeks, but I don’t want Sour Breath to see me break, but I am already a broken horse, I am ready to wear the harness, ready to succumb to his every last wish. And once he read that submission in my eyes, his smirk turned into a cocky smile. Deciding that I should taste more domination, he rips off his belt and starts whipping at every possibly angle on my body. I am burnt, beaten, bruised, broken, but not yet dead. I bite down on my tongue, wishing for it to stop, but it doesn’t, and I slip unconscious.

My eyes snap open, and I realize that I am not in my cell. I am strapped to a chair, hands extended in front of me, palms faced up. Someone is bending down over my feet; I stare at them, wondering what is going on, until I feel a little piece of me being ripped away. My nails are being pulled from my toes, each one bloodier than the next. The surgeon drops each nail into the palm of my hand. And I want to start gagging, the sight hurts me more than the actually removal, since my feet have been numb since I could last remember. I don’t reveal this information, because I don’t want them to truly hurt me where I can feel it, or I won’t be able to handle it any more. I’m exhausted. I want to sleep, but they keeping waking me up, each time more unexpectedly than the last. I let him work, silently praying, knowing that they’ll eventually grow back. I count, one, two, three, four, and five. He stopped. I realized that he only intended this for one foot, maybe he’ll get to the next, or maybe this was to remind me of the pain I’d feel comparing the nailed foot with the nail-less one. I sighed in surrender, all over again.

I’m shoved back into my cell, and I’m desperately trying to remember my life before this hell hole. But I can’t remember. I can’t think past these four two by two walls. It’s like they are thought proof, no mind can work while inside. Or maybe, they did it so your mind runs in circles, so that you brink on insanity. And I wonder, am I brinking? Or am I there already, dived in, drowning in it? My thoughts run around and around like a perpetual merry-go-round, dizzying, nauseating, exhausting. My biggest question is, who am I? Because even though I desperately don’t want to be who they have been accusing me of being, what if they are right? Should I just say I am, and that way I will know who I am?

I hear footsteps coming towards me again, aimed only for me, and my muscles tighten, my body clenches, and my thoughts withdraw. I’m suspended over my body floating, pretending that I am someone else, and watching this poor person get the punishment they deserved. I watch as a guard grabs my chains and practically drags me, and I float over them, attempting to guess what is going to happen next. My body is thrown into a chair, and Sour Breath is staring out the window, the first one I’ve seen, and it’s like I see the window of freedom, the window of opportunity, the window of hope, in this office I seem to be in. He turns towards me, his eyes accusing me like all my worst fears were confirmed, and that hope that had just risen like a phoenix from the ashes experienced an instantaneous heart attack as it was just about to take flight. His eyes confirmed my suspicions, maybe I was a horrible person before this, and it scared me. Sour Breath maintain eye contact, enough to shoot uncomfortable shivers down my spine, I waited for him to tell me what has been done? What will be done? And barely over a whisper, skeptical, like he doesn’t believe what he’s telling me, he says:

“Apparently Abdul-Salam, you were a victim at the shooting. Evidence shows that you weren’t even supposed to be there but it was a set up. What you told us in the beginning three weeks ago has been confirmed as true, you were only a passerby, on your way to pick up your daughter from daycare. The real culprit saw you as a potential cover as he escaped. You’re free to go. Your stuff is at the main entrance, just continue down the hall. And if anything similar ever comes up, even if it’s rumors, give me a call.”

Sour Breath handed me a card, it said Eric Wyandotte, Head Investigator. I didn’t know how to react, and I still couldn’t remember my life before being here, I couldn’t even remember what I told them three weeks ago. All I knew was that I must have done something wrong to be punished with this brutality. I was forever changed, and I knew I would never remember who I was before coming here. I followed the way down the hall, picked up random items, a wallet, jeans and a t-shirt, sneakers, underwear, a cell phone, keys, glasses and a messenger bag. I opened my wallet and stared at my ID, Abdul-Salam Khalid, Boston MA, born in 1984, six feet. But the picture that stared back at me was unrecognizable; I had no idea who this clean cut and tailored person was. Because all I knew about myself was: I am Broken.

Sojourner Truth... Ain't I A Woman

2009-02-08T15:06:00.000-08:00

So, one of my favorite intellectual speeches.... one of my favorite women of all time.. who with her words was able to question the norms of racism and sexism, is that of Sojourner Truth... where she delivered her speech known as 'Ain't I a Woman' at the Women's rights convention, in Akron Ohio, in 1851.

Now, let me just say that what is going on with the women nowaday????? I mean, seriously... who's taking the lead? I'm sick of hearing women, whether or not they're muslim, defer everything to the Man.... like he's the sole authority of the world.... I will clarify first and foremost, I am not a 'man hater' but the reality is that misogyny has in the past and till this day been perpetuated... by the Man... and how was the man successful?!?!?! by making the very people who are oppressed (women, and this tactic is used on other groups).... who confirm the authority of the Man, without having them feel ashamed of it. (check out Dubois speech on 'being ashame of oneself... if you're interested on more of this issue, however it is in reference to blacks)... but basically, women are the ones who perpetuate this form of oppression, sometimes intentionally, but in most cases unintentionally.
anyway... I'll probably comment so more on this in the future... i'll leave you with this... don't be ashamed of your being a woman... yes, modesty is part of faith, but Islam is completely EGALITARIAN in it's foundations! therefore, what are you ashamed of?? male supremacy isn't a constant fact of life... rather, the only ultimate truth of life is (yes i'm muslim so i'm taking the islamic quote) when God said 'I did not create humankind except in that they would worship me' and well you know in Islam, worship is based on intentionality.... and well... there can be many forms of worship... (other than the obligatory ones) that manifest in excelling in whatever field that you believe you can contribute greatest to.
i'll stop here... but for now, check out her (sojourner truth) speech... :D

-------
Ain't I a woman

"Well, children, where there is so much racket, there must be something out of kilter, I think between the Negroes of the South and the women of the North - all talking about rights - the white men will be in a fix pretty soon. But what's all this talking about?"
Sojourner pointed to one of the ministers. "That man over there says that women need to be helped into carriages, and lifted over ditches, and to have the best place everywhere. Nobody helps me any best place. And ain't I a woman?"
Sojourner raised herself to her full height. "Look at me! Look at my arm." She bared her right arm and flexed her powerful muscles. "I have plowed, I have planted and I have gathered into barns. And no man could head me. And ain't I a woman?"
"I could work as much, and eat as much as man - when I could get it - and bear the lash as well! And ain't I a woman? I have borne children and seen most of them sold into slavery, and when I cried out with a mother's grief, none but Jesus heard me. And ain't I a woman?"
The women in the audience began to cheer wildly.
She pointed to another minister. "He talks about this thing in the head. What's that they call it?"
"Intellect," whispered a woman nearby.
"That's it, honey. What's intellect got to do with women's rights or black folks' rights? If my cup won't hold but a pint and yours holds a quart, wouldn't you be mean not to let me have my little half-measure full?"
"That little man in black there! He says women can't have as much rights as men. ‘Cause Christ wasn't a woman. She stood with outstretched arms and eyes of fire. "Where did your Christ come from?"
"Where did your Christ come from?", she thundered again. "From God and a Woman! Man had nothing to do with him!"
The entire church now roared with deafening applause.
"If the first woman God ever made was strong enough to turn the world upside down all alone, these women together ought to be able to turn it back and get it right-side up again. And now that they are asking to do it the men better let them."
---- Sojourner Truth (Ain't I a Woman)

What are we waiting for?

2009-01-10T07:19:00.000-08:00

So, I've been thinking lately, that we are at a point in our existence (humanity as a whole) where change is inevitable. I mean, human beings are defined by the constant change of society, nature, everything. With everything going on in the world, something is going to happen, and we're all sitting at the edge of our seats waiting for it to happen. What are we waiting for?

That is the ultimate question: WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?
I'm so sick of people talking about change and doing nothing about it. I believe fully in the concept of internal change, and that feeding off into society. I don't believe change comes from top down, but from bottom up. (or rather the internal to the external) But the people on the bottom (such as myself) are so preoccupied in waiting for change, that it doesn't happen. We're distracted by the fact that we think someone is going to make that change for us... The question: 'what are we waiting for?' isn't a question of literally 'what' but 'why are we waiting?'.

My answer is, as simple and straight forward as it may be, we are scared. Change is unexpected in our daily routines, yet people wait for it anxiously, expecting someone else to take care of that change, to do it for us. But aren't the most successful struggles won through a grassroots efforts. When individuals took it upon themselves, and made the struggle their own. Living your life to the utmost best of your ability. You know the Golden Rule, giving your brother/neighbor what you want for yourself. In the Quran, God says 'God does not change a people, until they change what is within themselves'

With the issues of Palestine, Iraq, Kashmir, Kosovo.... and yes America (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_cities_by_crime_rate) we always try and reflect on the problems... And silently promise that our leadership will change for the better... But who are our leaders? Our leaders are a REFLECTION of their constituents (i.e. us)! If we do nothing, they do nothing. If we aren't concerned, they aren't concerned... Why is it possible for pre-war torn Iraq, that Saddam Hussein was able to almost eliminate illiteracy for some time, but in the United States, illiteracy rates are undeniably high. We need to vocalize our concerns, we need to live by our own standards... We can't expect others to be the 'ideal men/women' of soceity, when we can't even conceptualize ourselves in those roles.

I guess what I'm trying to say is this... although the world is at a point where it can go one way or the other... The reality is, we can direct the world the way we want it to go, if we just internalize the change. If we want justice to prevail, then we need to be just. If we want peace, then we need to be peaceful. If we want sincerity, then we need to be sincere. If we want others to help us, we need to be helping others. and it works the other way too....

Because we are self absorbed, countries/people all over the world are self-absorbed. Because we want what is best for us, people fight for what is best for themselves. Because we are preoccupied with money, people are preoccupied with money. Because we think we're better than other people, people think they are better than us. Because we stake a claim, people will question our claims and stake their own. In our society, we are in a battle of wills. (yes very nietzscheian/freudian/hobbesian) It isn't about going off on a limb and helping people, it's about having our own power, our own control, our own property. It isn't about society... it's about me.

That is our problem. When we lose our selfishness, then we have hope for society to become just. Sure this might sound totally idealistic.... but the reality is... the world is a reflection of who we are and what we make it.... my question is this...
If we want change, and it's bound to happen, what are we waiting for? Why are we waiting? We should be scared of giving up some of ourselves for the better of society. I'm talking about pooling resources.... actually i'm talking about pooling justice, peace, security, faith, and sense of community at large. If we give up a little portion of ourselves, collectively, we get a society that we want.

So... What are we waiting for?

self-imposed burdens

2008-12-20T11:20:00.000-08:00

"Allah wishes to lighten (the burden) for you; and man was created weak" Al-Nisa 28

This verse pulled at me today, while flipping through the Quran, and although to understand it, you need to know that the preceding verse talks about repentance, and how God wants to accept it from us, however following our desires (hey look at that... it seems to be a recurring theme so far) causes us self-inflicted deviation.

So, what was I thinking when this verse popped up at me? A couple of things. First, I was thinking... this burden is not light!!! In my head, I was like 'you have to be kidding', but then I remember something fatima (my friend) said to me, and yes this is paraphrasing, she said: That true, God doesn't burden a soul more than they can handle, but people can burden themselves in their woes and that can be too much for themselves. And well, it's true, God does wish to lighten our burdens, but we're weak, and burdens can come in the form of wolves in sheep clothing. Desires are appealing, but succumbing to them can have crazy triggered reactions, and those can be insanely burdensome. God saves us these burdens by simply abstinence (refraining from over-indulging in our desires).

Your desires are not only a personal thing, but they can effect society at large. A decision I may make, can reciprocate into the lives of other people. I might decide today to pull an all nighter, I get in a car accident that totals my car and detrimentally hurts the other driver. This other driver, even though was participating in the accident and reacting to the situation, had nothing to do with my decision to pull an all nighter, yet he was effected (he almost lost his life) by simply me not sleeping enough. (This actually happened in the past)

Anyway,
I'll stop now because I can feel 15 different tangents pulling at me simultaneously, and if i started writing them all down... well.. i'd never stop..

Gas prices fall? will political support as well?

2008-11-19T04:59:00.000-08:00

It is an amazing phenomena when gas prices fall beneath the $2/gallon range. I mean, I almost cried when I filled my tank at $19 yesterday (and yes it was completely empty). But then something in my head triggered, somewhat of a conspiracy theory, but I couldn't help myself. I mean, the last time gas was under $2 a gallon was about 2 maybe 3 years ago. And a couple of months before the elections they're at $4.50 (more or less), what's going on here?!
I thought about it... I realized that Bush, as he's passing on the presidential torch, is trying to stake a claim. I have a theory, that once the symbolic torch is passed to Obama, give or take a few months, gas prices will rise...
(yes, i know there are other factors to gas prices dropping or rising, but i'm holding all those other factors constant for the sake of this theory)
I honestly don't know what will happen, but I have this feeling that as soon as Obama steps into the white house, maybe a toe through the threshold of a door, gas prices will sky rocket, and people will associate it with him. I hope that's not the case... but enh, what's one gonna do?

I mean, what do I believe in? Honestly, I'm for higher taxes, you know pooled resources to make a better society... but not when the taxes are used for warfare. I mean, sure, you can build better buildings and repave streets, but I'm for a system that collects taxes and allocates it to places that truly need it... That truly need development. I mean, why can't tax collection be used to create jobs?! (you know, rather than taking them away). Okay, I'll stop about the taxes thing, but really... don't be too surprised when gas prices go up... (hopefully it won't, but that's wishful thinking)... why can't we just go green...?

I wish detroit wasn't so far away... if it wasn't, i'd just ride my bike (well my brothers bike) to work/school everyday... hmmmm... maybe when the weather is warm again, I'll just depend on the bike... at least that way, i'll build some much needed muscle, you know, healthier lifestyle.
So, lets all turn to bike riding during the warmer seasons :) (i did do it a couple times to work... and well, i guess showing up at work a bit sweaty isn't that great, but i mean, show up early and get a change of clothes... you'll be fine)

well i managed to get distracted yet again...

by the by, i was in boston last week... and every time i go, it's like a stab past my spinal cord and into my chest... I feel like my greatest loss there was an amazing public transportation system... (sorry friends, but i value a big metallic tube-ish automotive over you). I hope metro-detroit adopts a well coordinated bus and train system. One day, i'll dedicate a whole post just on the pros (and cons) of public transportation. :)

anyway PEACE \\//

One for Billy Talent

2008-11-04T15:22:00.000-08:00

So, I'm a huge fan of Billy Talent, and honestly if there was a band that spoke the language of my soul, they're the closest thing to it. I know, it sounds weird to say something like that, but they're the one band, that instrumentals and lyrics have totally been in sync with me on all levels. Yeah, I might be punk, rock, emo and all of the above, but they're an amazing band, with such a unique sound, and I hope they continue to do amazing! I can't wait till the newest album comes out!

Anyway, so I was listening some of their songs online, and it's just amazing, so I decided I'd like to just post one.

"Worker Bees"

March on, worker bees!
Know your enemy!

We take our orders given by the queen
We're not the killers, we're the worker bees
If you resist us you will feel our sting
Surrender now before the swarm sets in

Protect the hive from enemies!
Protect the hive from enemies!
Follow the herd mentality!
Can we fight to save our souls?

March on, worker bees!
Know your enemy!

A pollination coming from the west,
And in a flash we will invade your nest
Supply of honey flowing bottomless
Play by our rules or you'll be powerless

Protect the hive from enemies!
Protect the hive from enemies!
Follow the herd mentality!
Can we fight to save our souls?
And we'll march... along, with our blindfolds on
And we'll ride... the rails, with our pistols drawn
Can the Lord... above, forgive what we've done?
Can we fight to save our souls?

And we'll march... along, with our blindfolds on
And we'll ride... the rails, with our pistols drawn
Can the Lord... above, forgive what we've done?
Can we fight to save our souls?

Can we fight to save our souls?
Will we die to save our home?

-------

Anyway, you can clearly see my addiction, they have amazing instrumentals and have these amazing lyrics with these clearly (okay, not always, but their second album was really loaded with political messages)... but anyway. I will never forget that day, when I walked into Brockton mall for a blood drive and met them there, having never of heard of them.... and getting introduced while we're lying there donating blood. Lol. and then went home and googled them, and totally fell in love with their music.

So, rock on billy talent! Cuz I totally posted a whole blog just for you guys.
check out their website at http://www.billytalent.com/

Peace \\//

Bandaid effect...

2008-10-30T10:52:00.000-07:00

So, I'm working on a research project with my professor on Black Identity, and me being the theory student in our department, I have been reading excessive literature. So, we're sitting there in the office discussing Dubois, talking about insecurity within the self, and how people are conditioned to see things a certain way (ref when Dubois is talking about black being beautiful and the audience laughs out of being ashamed, because the white washed society was defining the conceptions of beauty)... when he mentions band-aids, and how they're racially exclusive, and serve as a reminder to blacks (or any one generally darker, like the many arabs, indopaks ect) that they are the minority....
At first i didn't get it, i honestly never noticed, i just thought band aids were the color they were because they just were (well i grew up with scooby doo band-aids and colorful ones, so i honestly never noticed)... I never realized they were supposed to match skin color (i.e. predominantly white skin color) and I was shocked!!! My professor laughed at me, because I never noticed, he was like "yeah once i cut myself on my forehead, and that band-aid just stood out as a reminder of difference" (not exact quote, but what i could remember of it).
So, I wonder, are band-aids one more example of a band-aid effect not working in our society. Have the issues of race, racial integration and equality been thoroughly discussed and cured, or have they just been hastily covered up with yet another pasty colored band-aid?
I propose we strip the pasty band-aids off, and address the real issue, find the real cure. We are constantly inculcating the "other" mentality within our children. We should be inclusive, regardless of race, class, status, gender, and what not. Exclusiveness is what deteriorates society, because society is all about people coming together! Please, please, please JUST GET OVER YOURSELF! and realize the world surpasses your tiny little bubble of a world.
Lets hope they start selling ebony (as well as other shades) colored band-aids in all stores... lets socialize society a little more effectively... hello it's 2008.... racial equality/respect/so on (in all aspects, including accessibility of band-aids) should be an undeniable truth, not something that is questioned... constantly forcing someone on the sidelines, labeling themselves "the other."
If society persists in this concept of exclusiveness, then we'll never be able to move forward.

I recently found this blog discussing the same exact issue the day before me!!
http://8centimetersdeluded.blogspot.com/2006/10/band-aid-of-any-other-shade-would-heal.html

Chemical irritant attack on a praying public

2008-09-29T15:45:00.000-07:00

Chemical irritant empties Islamic Society of Greater Dayton's mosque
Update: Islamic Society baffled by incident at worship service

By Kyle Nagel

Staff Writer

Saturday, September 27, 2008

DAYTON — Baboucarr Njie was preparing for his prayer session Friday night, Sept. 26, when he heard children in the Islamic Society of Greater Dayton coughing. Soon, Njie himself was overcome with fits of coughing and, like the rest of those in the building, headed for the doors.

"I would stay outside for a minute, then go back in, there were a lot of kids," Njie said. "My throat is still itchy, I need to get some milk."

Njie was one of several affected when a suspected chemical irritant was sprayed into the mosque at 26 Josie St., bringing Dayton police, fire and hazardous material personnel to the building at 9:48 p.m.

Someone "sprayed an irritant into the mosque," Dayton fire District Chief Vince Wiley said, noting that fire investigators believe it was a hand-held spray can.

According to fire dispatch communications, a child reported seeing two men with a white can spraying something into a window. That child was brought to the supervising firefighter at the scene.

Wiley would not discuss that report, but said the investigation has been turned over to police. Police were not commenting.

The 300 or so inside were celebrating the last 10 days of Ramadan with dinner and a prayer session, but the prayer session was interrupted so those suffering from tearing, coughing and shortness of breath could receive treatment.

Wiley said an adult and juvenile were taken to area hospitals and others had their eyes or faces washed on the scene. He did not know how many people were treated at the scene.

Ismail Gula, ISGD secretary, said people were praying during the weekly service when some in the audience began to cough and experience breathing troubles, then left the building. Once outside, several of them called 911, Gula said.

Tarek Sabagh, a member of the ISGD board, wasn't present when the incident occurred.

He said his daughter called and told him to stay away because of the possibility of remaining fumes. Sabagh arrived shortly after and watched from the mosque's steps as members were allowed back inside about 11 p.m. to collect belongings.

"It's very disturbing," Sabagh said. "Something like this has never happened before."

Sabagh said members moved to a Beavercreek school to finish their prayer session as police continued to investigate.

"I don't know if people will have the feeling of trust to come back tomorrow or next week or next month," Sabagh said. "I don't know how people will feel."

Ramadan is the ninth month of the Muslim calendar. During the month, Muslims fast (do not eat) from sunrise to sunset. In the evening and in the morning before the sun comes up, they eat small meals. During this month, they take extra time for family, inner reflection, and spiritual growth.

Contact this reporter at (937) 225-7389 or knagel@DaytonDailyNews.com.

http://www.daytondailynews.com/n/content/oh/story/news/local/2008/09/27/ddn092608evacweb.html?cxtype=rss&cxsvc=7&cxcat=16

gang banging hijabi??

2008-09-25T03:30:00.001-07:00

hey,
yesterday I had this conversation... literally... and it just cracked me up... only because sometimes people have no clue... but anyway... I tried to throw it into a poem...

I was asked yesterday if
I was part of the bloods or crips
in class cuz i had a bandanna on, i gripped
tightly to my desk, and felt my mind flip
over, mentally preparing myself for the conversation ahead
neither... I pointed at it and said
'it's black.. is that supposed to stand for something?'
the questioner looked at me funny and laughed
and said 'you aren't black'
skeptically my hand moved away from my head
I eyed him with curiosity, strangling the dead cat
he returned that look filled with question, stare off combat
I mean, how do you respond to with 'you aren't black'
'no shit sherlock, it doesn't take a genius to deduce that'
Instead I shook my head, side to side... and just cracked up
I pointed at my head again and said 'it's a hijab'

"I am not angry, I am anger" Amir Sulaiman

2008-09-12T08:01:00.000-07:00

So, I'm unbelievably angry.
soo unbelievably angry that the words "i am not angry, i am anger" spoken/written by Amir Sulaiman makes me feel like he was talking about me in that poem.
Lets hope I don't go into a never ending monologue, but I'd like to say this, even though in almost all my posts, almost my poems that same point is reiterated:

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE STOP WAITING AROUND FOR EVERYTHING AROUND YOU TO CHANGE, EVERYONE AROUND YOU TO DANCE TO YOUR TUNE, AND THE WORLD TO ADJUST TO YOU.... You need to do something...

I am so annoyed, of people who hurt others, and justify it in their heads. People who hurt themselves (whether physically by cutting, or wasting their means of life) and then expect others to salvage what is left for them. And I am so annoyed with people who turn their backs on one another. The golden rule is golden for a reason.... BECAUSE IT WORKS. If you change yourself first, and treat people the way you want to be treated then the feeling is reciprocated. If you help others, eventually others will help you. If you want change, be the change. If you're angry, (like me) then channel that anger into something worthwhile. There's sooo much in the world that needs to be addressed, you are not the only person in the world with issues. STOP MAKING MORE PROBLEMS FOR OTHER PEOPLE BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO DEAL WITH THEM YOURSELF. and if someone is trying to help you find a way for YOU to solve your problem (not them solve it for you) then take that help seriously. No one will help you, if you think you're just going to keep on doing what you've been doing all along. Not everyone has a never-ending supply of energizer batteries. Eventually we all crash, we all burn out, we all get tired... eventually we all die. So, stop killing people with your problems, because everyone has their own to solve. And stop complaining about your problems if you aren't going to do anything about them...

Again, I am not angry, I am anger. Thanks Amir Sulaiman, for the words that touched my heart.

Lastly, this doesn't mean you can't turn to people for help, but when people help you, you need to be just as willing to help yourself. I am always available for a shoulder to 'cry' on, for a word of advice, for budgeting problems, scheduling problems, questions on philosophy, and editting, anything that my skills (if any) can be utilized for, I give them to you freely. My only condition is that you genuinely want the help, you genuinely want to change, you genuinely want to stop hurting yourself (first and foremost) and all the others that may have been hurt by your decisions. So, feel free to message me. If you do need help, i honestly don't care what the problem is, I'll try my best, but I'm just so sick of people not facing up to their realities.

peace

September 11th 7 years later

2008-09-11T03:29:00.000-07:00

Okay, so this piece is about 9/11, obviously 7 years later. But the point of this poem is that people focus on the past, and disregard the present. And when they focus on the past it's all talk rather than action. If people focused on 9/11 the day it happened, rather than sat there accusing people (i.e. muslims/arabs/indopaks) then a lot more could have been done for the security of this nation, but instead we (as in America, because yes I still consider myself American even though i've been ostracize on the basis of my religious beliefs) pointed fingers and played the guessing game about who was the next probable terrorists, ruining people's lives rather than helping those live's that already needed help in the states. So, this is a plea, stop focusing on the past, stop being all talk, and truly try and make a difference in the community you live in. And yes, the means stepping out of your little suburban lifestyle and giving back to the greater community, your metro area. So, all those people who live in the suburbs of metro-detroit, your parent's make money from working in detroit, and yet you turn your back on the city that has given you so much: your nice big house, your car, your tuition, your friends, your lavish lifestyle. The least you could do is address the issues that concerns detroiters the most, currently it's foreclosure! So, all those Palestinian children you were thinking about, think about them in Detroit not even 20 miles away from you. Anyway, so this poem is to remind us (me first and foremost) that injustice wasn't 9/11 or the isreali palestinian conflict or the iraqi war, no it's INACTIVITY, SILENCE, DENIAL, SELFISHNESS, NOT HOLDING YOURSELF RESPONSIBLE!

On a side note, did you know if your house gets foreclosed, if your homeless, or get evicted you lose your ability to vote, you're stripped of your citizenship, you lose your American identity in a way.... Hold that thought.
http://www.michiganmessenger.com/

-----

September 11th 7 years later

She sat in the 3rd row, 7th seat in her 10th grade class room

One September morning. She waited as the principal relayed the school news

Instead of hearing about pep rallies, competitions, and student groups

She listened to him talk about crashes, death, towers, deployment of troops

She watched as the TV was rolled in

Cringed at the sight in front of her, goose bumps erupting on her skin

Tears blurred her vision, a dam had broke

She turned to her best friend, who gave her a fearful look

She eyed her English teacher who stood domineering at the front of the class

Who’s eyes stared back at her, cutting, accusing like she caused the crash

From that moment on she knew her future would change

Sighing in surrender, hands extended in front of her, ready to give in, her life would never be the same

Between those 7 years till this very day

She waged verbal war against ignorance, battled psychological demons,

She the knight, ignorance the slay

Her words served on a tray indiscriminately to anyone who would take

Her knowledge and put it to their lips, tasting a drop of wisdom, everything at stake

Her hands were callused from holding wooden signs

Marching through the years, protesting to end the open-ended wars and fights

Her shin-splintered legs carried her through 7 years of time

She spent 7 years in worn out shoes, soles giving out, covered in the grime

She spent 7 years ignoring harassment, ignoring hate crimes

She spent 7 years fighting accusations hurled about her kind

She spent 7 years deconstructing every hurtful lie

She spent 7 years building relationships greater than the infamous twin towers

More complex, more architecturally defined, bringing hope to the hopeless and courage to cowards

Every year she stood carrying a candle into the night

Standing strong in solidarity, unifying under the banner of peace, bringing forth a bit of light

She volunteered to teach those who couldn’t afford to learn

And planted seeds of faith, hope, optimism, in those who thought that life could never turn

Around. And although she was like an energizer bunny, eventually she’d crash and burn

7 years later after all the random checks, searches, keyed cars, slashed tires, she mourned

For the increased warfare, attacks, death, deception, and the futureless youth

She mourned for the insecurity of the masses, the voice of silence, the fear of speaking out the truth

She mourned for the relapse back into the dark ages

Where people blindly attacked, with swords, cannons, guns fueled by hatred

And on this September morning she let her tears fall

For fallen angels, fallen soldiers, falls from grace, fallen women, for it all

Her tears flooded her city, hurricane the world

But no one seem to notice the cries of this hiccupping girl

She stood remembering those who were buried in the earth

Buried with merit, buried forgotten, buried heroes, buried happiness and mirth

Jealous that they didn’t have to witness freedom become a curse,

Witness love become a curse, witness hope become a curse,

Witness hatred and ignorance plague the earth

She wiped away her tears, waiting for her sobs to subside

She walked up to the people gathered, her voice clear, her eyes wide

Reminding her people of these last 7 years, she said:

“I remember a time when water was less abundant that tears.

A time when songs of hope filled the air, rather than battle cry cheers

I remember a time when people were on the rise

Empowering themselves, rather than setting up their demise

And although I stand before, a sister of this era and time

Who stood with you frozen, motionless, seeing the surplus of crime

I also stand before you as a voice to remind

That there is still more pain in the world, it has not died

Under the collapse of the two towers, not buried, it still rampant and alive

There’s still homelessness, bigotry, racism, and lies

There’s still oppression, underpay and healthcare denial

There’s still hate, manipulation, stereotyping and racial profiles

So, I stand before as a witness of these crimes

That happened not only 7 years ago, but before then and till this day, this moment of time

And I ask you to remember all those you have denied

Because injustice is not just a past moment in our time

It is recurrent, current, happening in front of our eyes

So hold that thought closely, tightly to your mind

Because the only battle that should be fought is the one with your soul

By pretending injustice doesn’t happen, remaining aloof, untouched, cold

I ask of you to remember the stories of those left untold

Because injustice is everyday when you don’t hold

Yourself accountable”

She walked away from the stage, away from the crowd gathered

Prayed that change was near, that faith and hope wasn’t shattered

She closed her eyes one last time thinking this was it

Another anniversary of that infamous day, and maybe today would be the day that reality will hit.

----

What's going on?!?!

2008-09-01T11:22:00.000-07:00

salam/peace to all those who might come across this blog,
I decided to start a second blog that is solely for Quranic reflections/ruminations...
So what does that mean?
I keep a journal (handwritten) where I randomly pick a verse of the Quran and just reflect upon it... I would say that it is NOT a tafseer (scholarly interpretation) of the Quran in anyway, but just the thoughts of day to day struggling Muslim in America.
I started keeping this journal about 3 months ago, because I felt like I was completely disconnected to the book that is supposed to guide my everyday action, my every thought, in essence, my life. Rather than reading huge chunks of it, since I felt like it wouldn't help me developmentally, I started doing this... I guess, I decided, that since I'm on a computer more than not, I should might as well start it as a blog... So, again, I just pick a verse at random and reflect, I could be be wrong... I could be right... God knows, but this is a personal thing where I'm trying to tie my personal faith to my everyday life, to the book that is supposed to guide me till the day of my death...
(oh the translation of the Quran that I typically use is "The Noble Qur'an" by Al-hilali and Muhsin Khan)
so again, i just pick up the quran and flip through till a verse pops out at me....
thanks for reading, and comment away.

Surah Jathiya (45: 23)

'Have you seen him who takes his own lusts (vain desires) as his ilah (god)? And Allah knowing (him as such), left him astray, and sealed his hearing and his heart, and put a cover on his sight. Who then will guide him after Allah? Will you not then remember?'

While I sat there reading this verse, the first thought that popped into my head was this: 'damn... i'm screwed' (and yes, just because these are reflections on the Quran, doesn't mean that I'm gonna start filtering my terminology, well to an extent).. but honestly, more often than not it is our own desires that we follow most, put as our ultimate voice of reason. The interesting thing is, even when you follow the 'desires' of other people, you are in essence following your own desire to be accepted, liked, or whatever you want to call it. The point is this: when you follow your own desires, you lead yourself. When a person follows their own desires they seal their own fate. Meaning, there is only one way or the other (in my personal opinion) you could lead yourself by following your desires or you could lead yourself by following what God wants. Both ways you lead yourself, you just put one opinion over the other.
When you lead yourself in pursuit of your desires, then you become deaf to all that is around you (not literally, but to the voice of spiritual reason). This you do see all the time. Think of the big shot CEO who will do anything to get on top of the food chain. Or the video game addict, who thinks everything in the world is just a game. Or how about that sex fiend, who spreads his potentially sexually transmitted disease, just because he doesn't think it's a biggie because getting some is more important. Or that simple person who justs wants another chocolate bar, and swipes their ATM card for a dollar, and gets charged $36 for the overdraft fee, ect. It isn't about 'really bad stuff' but real stuff. I mean not everyone is going to be an evil CEO person or sex fiend, like in the movies, but everyone has some desires that they put before everything else, without really, truly considering the repercussions of their actions. For example, I personally am addicted to soda (or as michi's say, pop) and if I don't have some, I don't care if I show up half an hour late to work, or chewed off someone's head, spit it out, stomped on it, and then dug it under the ground, I want my soda. Get what I'm saying, it's not evil per se, but I guess the verse is talking about not going into extremes where your desires become the rule of thumb.
Other than a symbolic deafness, one becomes symbolically blind, which is similar to being deaf, you really don't see what's going on around you, you aren't in tune with the rest of the world, you see everything the way you want it to seem.
I think that the scariest aspect of this verse is the concept of your heart being sealed, and the concept of not remembering God. Once your heart is sealed, it seems irreversible. Like 'hi, i'm forever heartless, no one can breach my cold, frozen heart' but the verse actually isn't saying that (in my opinion), but that this is a possibility. The reality of the situation is, when you come across a verse such as this, it is a warning of sorts, telling you that, by following your vain desires, you are sealing your fate, but if at some point you change, you can turn back, and that is through remembrance of God. If you remember God, you found the proverbial key to your locked (sealed) heart. And when you remember God, your desires become secondary.
I don't know, God knows best, but what I am trying to say, is this: the verse hit home because 1) we have a tendency to follow our desires 2) vain desires are a handicapping tool, when they become your primary expression of life 3) the way to unlock your deafness, blindness, and sealed heart is by remembering God. and finally 4) desires aren't necessarily a bad thing, but following them like a blind sheep can lead you straight into the wolf's den.

peace
-reem

reversible reactions, when philosopher turns biochemist

2008-08-24T06:58:00.000-07:00

This is going to be a bit random, but i'm about to get a bit personal.

So, before I started in political theory/philosophy, I was in love with chemistry. During my senior year of college, I switched from a biochemistry major to a political theory/science major. Totally disassociating with the chemistry between me and chemistry. Recently, i decided to go back and study the sciences and go into pre-med. Blogs, such as the following one, is the result...

So, I was studying the concept of denature/denaturization/denaturation, however the word gets declined, anyway. The concept was new to me, i don't remember ever studying it before, but then again, i don't think i've actually studied in my life before.

Denaturing a protein or nucleotide, means taking the subject and stripping it of it's complex form and letting it fall apart into it's simple form. So, with DNA, you're stripping the double-helix nature of DNA, and letting it become two random floating about strands, no longer functioning, it becomes, in essence coma-ed, a vegetable, alive yet dead.

I realized, being the philosophical geek that I am, that this applies to living human beings. When we are stripped of our complex natures, we're in essence dead. People are made complex for a reason, because it's their nature. Stripping them of their nature, is a denaturalization of their state of being. You might as well rip off their arms and legs, cripple their minds, and what not. Each individual human being is in a state of their own natural disposition, and changing their nature, denaturing them, is like neutering them, they no longer can function.

So, what is this random political theorist-slash-biochemist talking about? The fact that people react just like molecules do. They cannot be denatured, however situations, environments, catalysts can help them function faster, more efficiently, slow them down, ect. But once they are denatured, they lose purpose, they're literally just taking up space.

So, what is the process of denaturing, in biochemistry it's through the breaking of non-covalent bonds, such as ionic bonds, and hydrogen bonds. In human social life, what denatures? Well, honestly, if i knew, i wouldn't be the aspiring philosopher i want to be, since all i know is that i do not know everything. But what aids to the denaturing of human beings? Inhibitors... people who hold you back, whether physically or mentally. Being denatured is breaking the bonds that hold you together, cutting them, being forced to drown in the aftermath.

I hope no one denatures you. And in attempt for that not to happen, lets act as catalysts for people, reinforcing them, helping them, aiding them, rather than inhibiting them. Help them tap into their true nature, harnessing them for them, and letting that natural state of complication play out its God-given role.

\\// Peace

heart beat

2008-08-23T07:00:00.000-07:00

So, I was sitting there at the echo verse where LaTerry Aaron (i think that was her name) was being featured, and everytime I heard her perform, she does her peices about spirituality, love, and faith. This morning... I woke up, and I started writing.
The amazing thing about faith is that, regardless of a person's faith, spirituality always seeps onto you, even for the moment. And i realized, even though for LaTerry, in her poetry, her faith seemed like a safe-haven, somewhere she can easily retreat to, for me, to find my faith it's always a battle. (see my older peice, called a love letter), it always happens that I write my 'spiritual poetry' when i'm feeling down. but as I was sitting there reflecting at the different expressions of faith (like J.Y.'s masterpiece), that's exactly how it'll be, different, accomodating to each different individual.
For me, I am in constant angst, you hear it alot in my poetry, things like 'i am frustration'... and well, me and my faith, well i know i love God, I know i love Islam, because it just seems so intune with everyone, regardless of the stereotypes put out by the media, for me, my faith will always be an internal struggle, a fight, and that's just who i am... and i guess this is a piece on what that struggle might look like.
---

I don't know how to wrap my mind around this, let alone my words
I'm running head on into battle, without a shield, and a blunted sword
Hearing banshee shrieks erupt from my throat
as I face off my demons, in my imaginary world
internal warfare, mind versus soul
skipping over a tight rope walk between reality and the unseen
anonymously wanted, convicted by angels in my dreams
someone holds me in the palm of their hand
and places me on the life-sized rubber band
sling shotted, out of the realm, out of where i pretended to be
thinking that i am everything that i appear to be
but I realize that I'm restless, pained, and in fear
because everything i was taught in Sunday school, is starting to come clear
I walk like a kid, face painted at a carnival
holding cotton candy, as my sugary arsenal
stuck in a cookie monster complex,
that i'll always have easy access to the jar
by putting out a fierce image, scruffy, blue, scarred
scared, to hand over my heart's 4 chambers
for something beyond, what my eyes can see,
what my fingers can feel,
beyond taste and smell, and what my ears hear
and far beyond what my imagination is worth
because i took a silent oath before my birth
which implanted itself in my unbeating heart
made it's way through my nerve endings
pumped away through my arteries and veins, more beautiful that Mozart
i attempt to resist this, what i see as an invasion on my soul
something that is beyond my comprehension, far beyond my control
and although i started off militarily, fighting for control
I relinquish it, step aside, and take on the measly role of
patrolling my innermost thoughts, but never understanding their words
because speaking to myself, is like speaking English in Creole
I feel like a gypsy walking on hot coal
giving off the air of fascination, when my feet are burning at their soles
feeling like a doppelganger, fighting for the fleshy body, to inhabit. this soul
makes its way, past the fighting and screams of my mind
past the rivers and pastures of this life
past the crosses and nooses and the strife
past the doctors, nurses, and midwives
who attempt to salvage what is left of me
because my EKG reads, not one beep
my heart beat stilled waiting for the skin deep
exorcism of my doubts and creeps
and the resurrection of my faith from sleep
the water is thrown in my face,
an epiphany is at hand, about to take place
and my faith makes way to it's rightful place
back to my heart, which is connected to my nerves and veins
which wrap around my organs and brain
and I realize that my limbs no longer resist me
no longer fight me,
cuz the battle was fought clumsily
the flag of surrender was raised quickly
and I inhale everything much more sweetly
because my heart is beating involuntarily, voluntarily
with a purpose beyond me
my heart is beating
la i- llaha-illah-Allah
in unison with everything
because this is a test of alchemy
since my soul is merging with everything
my heart beats in unison
with the winds caress on the trees
the suns evaporation of tears
the clouds shading of fears
the birth, death and rebirth of nature's green
my heart beats
la i-llaha-illah-Allah
and i just gave up what i thought was everything
for what is truly everything
abandoned my pride,
laid my shield to the side
yielded, even though i fought it my whole life
my heart beats
la i-llaha-illah-Allah

----

for those who don't know what 'la illaha illah Allah' means, it means "there is no God but God"

MCAT Prep Writing Sample

2008-07-12T06:50:00.000-07:00

2 Essays 60 minutes

Begin time 9:10am

Consider this statement: Men are dependent on circumstances, not circumstances on men. (Herodotus)
Write a unified essay in which you perform the following tasks. Explain the meaning of the above statement. Describe a specific situation where circumstances might be dependent on individuals. Discuss what you think determines whether or not individuals are dependent on circumstances or vice versa.

The statement "Men are dependent on circumstances, not circumstances on men" by Herodotus is one that puts faith in something beyond human control. He states that men are subject to the circumstances, situations, and conditions they already exist in rather than create the conditions around them. It almost seems that Herodotus is pointing in the direction that humans have no control over the conditions they are in, something like divine will, or control is some other fashion holds the reigns. But nevertheless, there are times when circumstances could be made by people. For example, a student who cheats on an exam, and gets caught rendering him 'failed', creates such a circumstance for himself, it was his own act of recklessness, that let him take the risk to cheat and get caught. Nevertheless, Herodotus would argue that there existed a circumstance before his act of cheating that lead him to cheat, such as lack of studying, delinquency, a broken home, a busy schedule, a job, or some other condition that forced the student to cheat , and therefore made him dependent on the circumstance.
I believe that arguing whether men are dependent on circumstance or circumstances on men, is just as inconsequential as arguing whether the chicken or the egg came first. There is no real way to know. A circumstance can be a product of a person's action, which in turn could have been a reaction to a prior circumstance and so on. There is no true notion of which is undoubtedly the independent variable since they both actively bounce off one another. Therefore, I would argue that men depend on circumstances while circumstances depend on me.

Consider this statement: The voluntary death by which a man puts an end to intolerable suffering is really an act of redemption (Ernst Heinrich Haeckel).
Write a unified essay in which you preform the following tasks. Explain what you think the above statement means. Describe a specific situation in which the voluntary death by which a person put an end to intolerable suffering would not be an act of redemption. Discuss what you think determines the choice of voluntary death in the face of human suffering.

The statement : "The voluntary death by which a man puts an end to intolerable suffering is really an act of redemption" is a loaded and broad statement. First, one would need to know what voluntary death means. Is it suicide, homicide, the death penalty, ect? Do we know who the executioner is? Is it the one committing suicide, an outside party, the person suffering at the hands of another, a murderer, an opposing enemy combatant, or a government? Again, we would need to know what the conditions of intolerable suffering, is it a physical, mental, or spiritual suffering, Is it a whole group of people suffering, an individual, or an ideal? Finally, the question of what redemption is being applied for. If all these quetions were specified with a specific answer, then maybe the concept could be true.
Assuming that Haeckel meant voluntary death is the killing of a person who is causing you to suffer in order to save yourself, would that be a justifiable action? Would it be okay for me to kill my neighbor's dog, since at odd hours of the night it barks like a banshee under attack, causing me to lose out on sleep. Would I not be redeemed, saved from the suffering of lack of sleep the very next day, if the barking dog was killed? The thought is atrocious, but according to Haeckel it is completely justifiable , based on his statement.
The quote makes any act of taking a human (or in general) life justifiable. Morality is something that differs from person to person, culture to culture, and religion to religion. Therefore, the quote is loaded with very loose terms that can be defined virtually up to the individual who wants to kill. The life of a person should not be subject to the justifications of others, or even a person's own deluded sense of justification at times. I believe that nothing determines the choice of voluntary death in the face of human suffering, because we were all born to live, to endure and tolerate hardships and suffering, and to adapt to life. Even Jesus, who in Christian faith, is believed to have been killed, sacrificed for the spiritual suffering of mankind, did not choose voluntary death to ease suffering, he was forced into it. (Although in Islamic tradition, we do not believe that he died, and each person self-redeems himself) Nothing justifies voluntary death for human suffering.

Finish Time 9:49am-- comment away... I need feedback... I'm taking the MCAT on September 13th and need to work on my brain skills....

mental fireworks

2008-07-05T16:03:00.000-07:00

Asalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
This is a random reflection on the fourth of july and the issue of fireworks and what not.
The other day, I was sitting on my porch watching fireworks... well maybe not.. but they're kind of hard not to watch, which is precisely the point of this email.
I sat outside, where I was actually watching fireflies, buzzing in and out, flying around like snowflakes, lighting up and dimming out, and I was thinking about how amazing they were. SubhannaAllah, I felt like they were the most serene creatures in the world. I went about thinking that their light will never run out until the moment they die. Sure it fades in and out, but the light is there nevertheless.

All of a sudden, explosions of thunder started to echo into my ears. Then lights broke the calm in the dark sky, and instead of the downpour of rain that I expected (given the i'm in michigan and summer thunderstorms are to be expected) fireworks lighted, to the brightness of day, then went out. It got me thinking, about the contrast of what i had just noticed. Fireflies, they dim in and out, but the light is something that is consistent. They buzz in a low voice, almost silent, but their presence is welcomed, calming, maybe even preferred. A feel of serenity engulfs you and your mind takes on an optimistic turn. Fireworks, well lets just they're bright one moment, and out the next. They're loud as heck. And I think I was at my wit's end when the ominous *BOOM* deafened my ears. Sure fireworks look pretty, but it comes with so much baggage. Loud noise, lighting them up, cleaning up their remains afterwards.

It made me think about people. Some people are like fireflies, seeping in and out, their light remains, and have a gentle calming optimistic, beautiful effect. While others are explosive, exciting, scary, pretty and elusive. I fell in love with fireflies, for the first time in the history of my life, because they reminded me of people who I see with amazing levels of Iman, consistent, and loving. And i felt a revulsion for fireworks for the first time in my life, because it reminded me of people who are short tempered, shallow, and well scary.
I'm not saying that people with firework like personalities are a bad thing, i mean i'm somewhat of an angry/explosive/short-tempered person. Maybe it's not about people at all, but life.
What I'm saying is, don't fall for the temporary. I guess, life is like fireworks.. pops up one moment, scary, exciting, beautiful, loud, but it'll end at the blink of an eye. Iman, i would say, are more like fireflies, around, consistent, dimmed and bright. When the fireworks go off, you lose sight of all the fireflies. blinded in the moment and what not.

i'll stop there for my fireworks/fireflies comparison and move along to another threat of thought

Yesterday, instead of going and watching fireworks (which i've done maybe once in my life) i went to an open mic/slam. The turn out was minimal, but i still loved it. People were there, preforming about the issues that meant the most to them. And again, i felt like i was seeing true beauty, mental fireworks. People's idea's sparking the atmosphere, moving people, exciting them, caressing their psyche. I felt that embracing true freedom, independence, and happiness, had lay within the confines of a small coffee shop. I felt like, everyone wasn't blinded by the pretty works of the world/life, but the movement towards something greater. In that room, I felt like people, rather than sitting around and watching other lights, were harnessing, feeding, and growing their own lights within themselves. So, why go for the superficial, when the real thing lies within reach, all you need to do, is tap into it.

again, you're probably thinking, what the heck is this random girl talking about?? I honestly am not sure myself. All I know is that, contrary to what people believe independence/freedom does not lie within a written scrolled declaration. Nor is it provided by other people. It is God given. After that, only you hold yourself back from being truly free.

While I was sitting in that cafe, on the night of freedom and independence, I felt a widening within my chest. I felt like, even though I was one of 3 muslims who attended the event, everyone in that room was on a path of self-freedom, self-reflection, and self-expression. Everyone outside of that room (well to an extent) who sat and watched fireworks all night long, well i felt like they were being blinded by the temporary prettiness of the fireworks, making them sell out their freedom. Allahu 'alam

I guess i went off for a bit, but khadigah told me to be my little old self when i emailed out on my-net, and i decided to reflect away.
Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed your day of freedom. because their's 364 more days that, i guess, aren't as free... unless you free your self internally.
Jazakum Allahu khairan
asalamu alaikum
-reem

on obama's speech 'a more perfect union' (written 3/19/08)

2008-06-28T11:22:00.000-07:00

I submitted this to a couple of places... and it never got posted... :x so i decided to post it onto my blog. I wrote my response literally the day after reading Obama's speech after he gave it. Honestly, I was frustrated.. and yes, this was before he told muslim women not to stand behind him during his campaign.... then apologized... (don't get me wrong.. i like obama... but you'd have to read on to get what i'm trying to say)

-------

I write this article, not in anyway to condemn Senator Barack Obama for his speech made on March 18^th of 2008, but rather to point out some difficulties regarding our American population. Senator Obama alluded to the fact that through narrating our stories to one another, one will be able to recognize differences, yet move towards the same goal. He calls our goal “a more perfect union”. He relays his story as being only one of many that people may identify with, yet as being very exclusive to the United States of America. He feeds the nation self worth, through these statements, but nevertheless, gives a remedial injection, mentioning that “words on a parchment would not be enough to deliver slaves from bondage”. Senator Obama gives his speech in order to defend himself against claims that have been circulating the media. Issues that may reflect him in a negative light, nevertheless, he casts a whole population of people into a similar shadow. What is going on?

Senator Obama is a leader, who is heavily influenced by his experiences, proposing solutions to an open-ended list of problems. He attempts to parallel his narrative of experiences to great American leaders such as Frederick Douglass, Abraham Lincoln, and Dr. King. Yet, his narrative goes haywire half way through his speech. Being a political leader who does not fit into the structured norm he must constantly be backed into a corner on the defensive. Senator Obama describes himself as being half black half white, raised both in a poor nation yet experiencing some of the best education, he places himself in the shoes of almost every person in the world. His speech seeks to unify the masses under the ideology that we all are working towards the same goal. He attempts to reconcile the differences, similar to Lincoln’s tactics of using religious rhetoric to unify the masses, but places a racial twist, nonetheless his attempts are self-destructing. Yes, we can be unified under a patriotic nation, a union, and work towards the same goals, yet his speech bends into becoming one of religious pedigree. Senator Obama is forced to defend himself against the allegations and rumors center himself based on being a Muslim. He is forced to strip himself from his father’s religious ideology of Islam, or what he calls “radical Islam”. The question is then, why do so in such an extreme?

Senator Obama sought to break the stereotypes that surrounded him about being affiliated in a black Christian nationalist movement, once statements made by Reverend Jeremiah Wright were publicized and linked to Obama. It is as though Obama wants to unite the people under the “union” regardless of race, yet if one falls into a category of being a Muslim or a Black Christian Nationalist, they suddenly cannot be a patriotic people, cannot adequately unite with others under a movement towards “a more perfect union.” In attempting to deconstruct stereotypes perpetuated in the media about himself, he reconstructs a whole new stereotype without even truly realizing it. Senator Obama, who has been heavily advocated for within the Muslim or the Black Christian Nationalist population are now being alienated do to his self-inflicted segregation of religious ideology. Senator Obama does not realize, that the majority of the political and religious leaders within the Muslim community and the Black Christian Nationalist community advocate for the same ideals he proposes, but are now excluded from reaping the benefits of the common good. He creates an “us versus them” mentality, just because of the sound bite caught from the words “radical Islam”.

I believe that in order for his speech to actually seek to unite the people, Senator Obama cannot use rhetoric that seems religiously exclusive. Yes, he may combat the rumors circulating about being a Muslim or coinciding with the ideologies publicized on Reverend Wright, but he cannot create a new stereotype. It is a simple as stating “I am not a Muslim” rather than labeling the Muslim population as “radicals”. We are in a point of time where the American public need to understand each others stories, just as Senator Obama relayed, that in order to overcome stereotypes and move towards “a more perfect union” differences must be recognized, biases must deconstructed, and the people need to build coalitions, networks, and ties regardless of race, gender, and religious affiliation, towards the betterment of society. I appreciate Senator Obama’s relaying of his story, because it makes the American public understand him a bit more, but it should not be done at the expense of excluding a whole category of people. We are an American public, regardless of race or religious ideology, and our goal is for the betterment of the society for the common good of all the American population.

Suspended

2008-06-15T00:47:00.000-07:00

So, I wrote this piece before I left for Syria, the day I found out my uncle passed away. I was soo frustrated that I started writing... But all my poetry turns political... :x Anyway. Read away:

Suspended

in time, in air, in fear

of everything for everyone, everywhere

Like i just backed up into a traffic jam

road blocked state of mind

stuck in a perpetual purgatory of hurt

Skidding, spiraling, sliding, slumping into an self-created inferno

Only to be burnt by lighting both sides of the candle

Lack of control, with no real handle on life

Bungee jumping into a symphony of self pity

Every smack against the dried ground like the beating of drums

Or is it my heart beating, thumping, pumping

Or did I rip out my mind

only to feel my vertebrae echo like the crack of a whip

As I continue to slip out of reality

And dip into a delusional fantasy

So that I don't have to deal with life

Because every morning is like a bolus shot

Of numbness crawling up my left arm

And my vicodin to ease the pain is the ninth stop at the coffee shop

Tuned back into being a machinated piece of the system

No thoughts, no words, no actions

Silence, the companion of static on this radio station

Of control.

Our emotions as fickle as channel surfing

We hear:

Suicide bomber click

Shop lifting click

Alligator bites click

Health care kills click

Play station upgrade click

Drive by click

Hunger strike click

Union fights click

Mother dies click

Guns sold click

Teenage rape click

Heroine addict click

Terrorist rampage click

Plastic surgery click

Child molested click

Prada the new click

Summer snow click

Cure to aids click

Britney fakes click

Obama's race click

Till the only constant to stick is the mind on autopilot

Because everyone is ADHD, and OD'd on Ritalin

While society creates a tunnel vision

Of what to follow, and anyone out on the periphery

Is blasphemously a threat to the very nature of humanity

The focus hones into only one clarity

Homogeneity is the source of all good

And defying the norm, means you're misunderstood

Knowing the truth, makes you a crook

And history is only one more fairytale book to be told

So that along with our minds, our bodies can be sold

Into a slavery of forgotten self-worth

And as the process continues we become processed goods

Sold over the counter, till all you could do

Is wait on the shelf for someone to acknowledge you

Maybe pat you on the head, give you a gold star

Because you forgot about how messed up the world is so far

You deleted memories of racism and pride

You were debooted, misplacing all the truths you had to hide

Downloaded a virus that made you forget

How Palestinians were stripped of their identity

Just as blacks were robbed of their identity

Just like Arabs are stereotyped by their identity

Just like natives were raped of their identity

Just like Hispanics were pillaged of their identity

Just like the Irish were forced to water down their identity

Just like Muslims are coerced to compromise their identity

Just like youth are told to give up their identity

So, even though I'm spiraling down into oblivion

I leech out the poison their IV-ing into my skin

I break my knees so I can get down and pray

For me not to succumb to their mainstream ways

Yeah, my problems chuck me down into self-hate at times

But at least I'm not one more figure stuck in the regulated lines

Of control.

Because my motto is "speak your mind"

(Feel free to leave comments you wild people you...)

in another country

2008-06-01T03:25:00.000-07:00

I'm currently in Syria right now, rather than at home in Michigan... Which wasn't even my home until about 10 months ago... or actually since it is now june 11 months ago.

I am going insane with boredom... I want to do something fun.

I'm meeting up with my cousin in about half an hour at the university of Aleppo.. ooooh the excitement... actually... that is not sarcasm.

Okie I'm gonna go... because i'm supposed to leave in 2 minutes.

yay yay.

salam
PEACE
\V/

On surat Al-asr

2008-04-23T15:36:00.000-07:00

Asalamu alaikum, (peace)
This is a random post .. and just a set of reflections I'd like to share.
So, I was listening to surat Al-asr (which means the appointed time), and usually, this surah is quoted in order to emphasize the importance of time... So, I started looking into the translation/tafseer of it... and somethign hit me like 'whoa'.

Surat al-asr is a God given mini yet comprehensive version of '7 habits of highly effective people' or books that GUARANTEE success... and you just need to look at the six things mentioned in the surah...
1- TIME
2- impending loss for mankind (except!!!.....)
3- Those who BELIEVE
4- and do Good deeds
5- and encourage the truth
6- and encourage patience

Those six things are the most essential factors of success, whether its "dunyawi"(within this life) success or success in the hereafter...

So, lets look at this in a 'business' mentality.

The first element of a successful business is the ability to work with time, meeting deadlines, creating deadlines, getting up early, working late... setting priorities and so on.. You're working with time!!! There has never been a successful business that didn't revolve around efficient time planning. Now, back to surat Al-Asr, Allah (swt) is giving an oath by His creation time... You know how Allah (swt) grants rights for everything?! Animals, trees, other human beings have rights upon one another? What is the rights that Time has on us as human beings?! Islamically, we cannot abuse time, because we are breaching it's rights, we are abusing a creation of Allah (swt)... So, in a business world... they say TIME is MONEY!!! meaning don't waste it... but how about outside this business world? are we granting Time the rights it has upon us, or do we neglect its importance, like a stray cat begging for a bowl of milk.

The second element of a successful business is to know that you are a potential loser. No business man starts off cocky... they have to work their way up... and even when they make it to the top of the business world, one mistake can lead to a suit that pulls away everything they worked for. It doesn't even have to be business related... the business man could accidentally disregard courtesy 'laws' and walk into a person, the person suddenly falls and breaks their leg, and your top of the line business man is suddenly a broke bum singing over fire lit garbage cans.

So, what does this mean Islamically for us, well cockiness should never be on our agenda, we need to recognize the potential slippery slope that may confront us... We need to be cautious and prudent. We need to recognize that there is always a potential for failure, because everything is beyond our control without recognizing the framework in which the world works... i.e. Allah (swt)'s world

The third element of a successful business is the belief in the business. You believe in the business and that is why you are willing to dedicate your time, and confront risks, if that belief did not exist, than your goals will be short lived. How about what Allah (swt) is telling us?! well He's telling us that belief is essential for success, other wise, we would already slip into the slippery slope of failure... moving forward is essentially pointless without faith, without belief, without conviction in what you're working for.

The fourth element of a successful business is the action, being able to take wise decisive action. It is not enough that you believe in your business, and plan your time and plan for defenses against the potential failures, but you need to execute! otherwise, everything will be left hanging, your call will be left rotating, stuck in queue, in an never ending circle of inaction. Of course we know that Allah (swt) mentions plenty of times in the Quran 'Believe and Do good deeds', just as He reminds us to do so in surat al-asr. :)

The fifth element is encouraging truth.. In a business, if you and your staff cannot be honest, then no one will be on the same page, and everyone will be holding each other back. Truth is essential for a working body for success. People must be able to be honest and upfront about everything. They must be willing both to receive and give honest constructive criticism. Competition is ineffective if people cannot be honest with one another. Often we find in business, people start competing with one another, under-handing one another, and eventually we find that their success is short lived. However, people who do honest-to-God work, well their success is based on a foundation without loopholes, without excuses, without falsifications, without faults (in a moral sense). Their foundation does not have the cracks that weaken it, because their honesty and truth fill in all the gaps. Allah (swt) says the same thing about us, He tells us in this ayah, that we need to ENCOURAGE truth, not only apply it in our lives, but in those around us as well. Because doing so will fill in the cracks and gaps between the brothers and sisters in Islam. Honesty will strengthen their relationship with one another and with Allah (swt). Honesty in words and actions leads to no contradictions (again morally :) )

The final sixth element is encouraging patience, not only applying it to your selves, but encouraging an atmosphere of patience. It the business world, if you are not patient, then the people you work with will feed off of your impatience and react in the same manner you do. Nevertheless, patiences does not mean passivity. One doesn't sit back when their company is falling off a cliff and says, well theres nothing i can do about it.. NO!!! Patience in the business world means action till you're six feet under. Inaction is not patience, it is reluctance. Patiences is WORKING WITH WHAT CARDS YOU ARE DEALT WITH! :) while maintaining a healthy working atmosphere. So, what is Allah (swt) encouraging in this ayah, well not only to be pleased with what Allah (swt) has given you, but for you to work as hard as you can, and get the people around you to work as hard as they can, in order to attain success.

These six elements are the factors that add up to success, whether it is success in the dunya (this life) and akhira (the after life). So, why did i talk about the business world? because we all live in some sort of equivalent to the business world, either as a worker or consumer, and now a day, success is spelled out in based on book written by 'successful business men'.. Yet, their books contain no more than what Allah (swt) taught us within a short surah of about 3 verses... now think about the other 113 surahs in the quran...

SubhannaAllah (glory to God), I don't know why this surah struck me so strongly today, well i kind of do, because i've been having problems with work and school, but subhannaAllah, Allah gives us the solution to everything. We probably read this surah 75% of the time during the week for our prayers, but does it really mean until a brick hits you in the face, knocks out your two front teeth, and suddenly something dawns on your that you felt like you've been looking over an entire life time....

Anyway, this email is just to say this... success is spelled out for you in surat Al-'asr...
hopefully i didn't say anything contradictory to the teachings of the prophet or the message of Allah in the Quran
Jazakum Allahu khairan (May God bless you)
Asalamu alaikum (peace)

Whiteness?!?!

2007-11-15T03:23:00.001-08:00

Asalamu alaikum,
Okay... i'm just gonna go off.

I know many people struggle with identity here in America. and the other day I was reading things online about race and racism... But what hit me, was something really frustrating!

Why are arabs considered white?! I swear we're like brown in color... Okay granted, that i'm white as anything, but thats because half the arab world was occupied by britain and france...
Did you know that on census reports if you fill in Arab or Muslim, you are automatically placed in the category of Caucasian! :x

I don't know how I am considered white or Caucasian... Yeah maybe if I wasn't a hijabi, you probably wouldn't be able to pick me out of a crowd.. But the fact of the matter is, I am not white. Whiteness is this stupid label people associate a standard of norm to.
Being white = opportunity or some craziness like that. I AM NOT WHITE! Forget that I AM NOT EVEN ARAB!! I AM MUSLIM! and yeah, obviously I am American, having been born and raised here, but I'm not even considered American by the general public.
But for me, I can walk down the street and no matter what my skin looks like, my hijab is seen first. hijab = not normal = not american = inferior. My brother, no matter what he looks like, he still has a Muslim name. My mother, no matter how she speaks, she's told that she doesn't belong here.

What annoys the heck out of me the most, is when people are like... you can't join the NAACP you're not black, or you can't join the Asian club you're white... I am sick of people putting a label on me. I am Reem, that's the only label I can carry, that coincides with my identity as a Muslim. Being a Muslim, let alone being HUMAN!!!! (not sub-human) should be reason enough for me to join support groups of other people.