Yes Ma'am, praying, and cleaning

Well good morning.

So much has gone by in the last couple of months, I can hardly comprehend it all. I'm not about to list them all, because this semester has wrought so many changes, I have no idea where I would begin. So, I'm just gonna talk about the last three things that I've considered blogging about, but just didn't have the time to do.

YES MA'AM!

Apparently, I have a problem with saying 'yes' too much, or 'no' too little. I never realized I had this problem, before. Actually, it's almost as though, if I do not say yes, I am failing myself. I understand prioritization. I truly do. There are times where I will say no to people, and it will be like cutting off my left pinky toe, something that isn't really needed, but heavily painful. My problem is, that I will overload myself with so much work, and constantly tell myself "think of it as a temporary challenge" or "you know you can handle it", or something equally as 'motivating'. In the end, I can handle pretty much everything life throws at me. My friend growing up used to interpret the verse 'God does not burden a soul more than it can handle' as to meaning that sure, God will only dish out to you, what you're capable of. But humans can take on more than they can handle, and that's when it gets burdensome. So, maybe I'm taking on too much, maybe I'm not. The thing is, regardless of how much I take on, I feel like I always still have time for my family, friends, work, and acquaintances. I never feel like I don't have any free time. So, what's one more project in a string of projects. My friends (and sister) have told me I need an intervention... But I REFUSE... see, I can say 'no'! okay, okay, maybe I need to say no to people, but I see this as 'conditioning'. The more I can handle now, the more I can handle later. Or, actually, more accurately, the more I do now, the less I have to do later. I truly believe that. So, if I can handle so much, and still have time for my loved ones and alone time.... does that mean I'm saying 'yes' too much??? I think it means, that I am taking on exactly enough. I will never give up family time, friends time, community time, and alone time. I believe in giving each their right. So, yes... I can say 'no'.... but I say yes, a lot too.... but it boils down to what I am saying yes to.



What am I saying yes to? Well, anything that has some potential value that can be nurtured. Research, yeah okay. Hanging out with friends, okay. Reading 15 novels in a row, okay. Watching a marathon, okay. I just do things. Sometimes I do a cost-benefit analysis. I mean, I was going to work on a HUGE international research project last summer, and in the end I decided not to, even though I got accepted. I said no to pharmacy school, my #1 college choice, even though I was guaranteed a spot when I applied like 6-7 years ago. There are so many things I've said no to. I say no to injustice. I say no to abuse. I say no to oppression. I say no ignorance. I say no to inaction. There is so much I say no to every day, and in lieu I say yes to other things.

So, maybe I don't have a yes or no problem. Maybe, what I have is a 'letting people know how much I am doing' problem. Maybe, if I can handle so much, I don't have to tell people about my decisions... Just do things, regardless of telling people. My mom doesn't need to know that I went jogging that morning. My sister doesn't need to know I vacuumed the house. My brother doesn't need to know I bought the cat food. My coworkers don't need to know that I volunteer at different places. My dad doesn't need to know about my latest research project. My friends don't need to know about the newest political book I read. and so forth.

But then, what do you talk about? If everyone is giving updates, or asking you questions, what answer do you give? hmmmmmmmm..... I'm not really sure. Do you withhold information, so you don't have to hear people's thoughts about your actions? Or do you say what it may be, so that you share a piece of yourself with the people surrounding you? I honestly don't know. These thoughts have been revolving around my head for the last couple of weeks or so, and clearly, they are cyclical in nature. :X

Okay, well if you have any advice on that one, please post!

--

So, I said 3 things. I posted the first which was about the yes/no stuff... It ended up being a lot longer than I initially intended, and I try not to edit my posts. I let them be a stream of thought, just as my brain normally works. Anyhow, my second thing to post about.


Morning Prayers

I was at the mosque for the morning prayer last Friday, around 6:45am. With me were two other sisters. One of African descent, I believe from Ghana and another of South Asian descent, I believe from India. We were standing in the women's prayer hall, silently following the congregation. It was beautiful. Three women from three different backgrounds, in three different age groups, with probably three totally different mentalities, praying together in silence. It was a delicate, divine, and dazzling experience. The imam's voice wrapped around us, deep, reverberating, calm, almost a sense of serene stillness. We were being led in the motions of prayer, and it was utterly beautiful. I don't know how else to describe it.

---

Need to clean.

I have never realized how much of a clean freak I am.




Ever since my mom left the country, I realized how much she did to keep the house together. She would do things, like vacuum daily, and we would tell her, mom you're over doing things. Lo and Behold! I am sweeping daily, because the house just gets that messy. I'm coming to realize, after living with 4 other roommates, that people aren't necessarily as clean as you are, they have higher tolerance to messiness. And when you have a family of your own, you need to train and delegate those cleaning tasks to your children from a young age, to normalize the cleaning process. That is, if you don't want to live in filth. But most of all, you need to lay out your expectations and standards to those who you are currently living with (whether they are parents, siblings, or roommates). They need to hear what you have you say; similarly, you need to do the same. Recognize, each others values and standards of comfort and try to accommodate each others' needs, without overly sacrificing your own.

So, roomies, if you're reading this.... I am about to bring it full force for the new semester. I cannot live in crumbs... I just can't. My sanity and productivity depends on it!

So, those were my three posts, combined into one....

Enjoy!

oh and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

coming to realize

I don't know about you guys, but sometimes I feel like my posts are all 'epiphany' or 'coming to realize' posts. As though, there must be an elaborate moment of truth that emerges from the text or the experience. I dunno.

Anyway, I'm coming to realize that life is nothing without the relationships that are found within it. Life is not worth living, if not for the people life is shared with. I am not talking about spouse or a family member per se, but human interaction at large. I feel like we're on the verge of a societal decline, because people have relegated relationships to the internet. Relationships of the here and now are deteriorating at a fast pace, because people are so focused on past relationships and future networking. You need to realize that the past is the past, and the future is the future, but the here and now only comes once in a life time. People from your past are important, but if you spread yourself so thin, you'll have no meaningful relationships in your present. That's what online networking does. It spreads you thin. You tell everyone, regardless of how shallow the relationship is, about your life, and your 'deeper' friends get the same information. I don't really know how to explain it, but I feel like relationships have become destroyed. Because someone can figure out what you've been up to through networks like facebook, they never have to call you or contact you directly. We are forced to live in a virtual world, and forget that there is a greater reality.







People can spend hours on facebook, but when it comes to spending one hour with a friend they have no time. You will never get those virtual hours back. Nor will you ever be able to develop true relationships through the internet. You need physical, face-to-face contact. You need to speak, hear, smell, touch and see. If long distance relationships are difficult to maintain, well how do you expect virtual relationships to be. Why do people love TV? Because the characters are DOING SOMETHING! They are moving, seeing, feeling, smelling, tasting, LIVING! So, screw the television, screw the internet. Just take time on a daily basis and call someone, meet up with someone, do something that is unrelated to school or work. Develop some sort of human contact or interaction. The world is no place to live in, if people are not living it. The best moments of my life are those when my friends and I do something completely out of the ordinary, like walk around our apartment building for 15 minutes at 1 am, just because we can. Or playing pingpong with my dad, just because we have 10 minutes to spare. SOMETHING!

So, why am I blogging about something, when I could be doing something? Am I being hypocritical? Not really, no. Because I don't really live in a virtual reality. Everything needs some time, and I probably spend a total of an hour at most, daily, on the internet. The last time I blogged was about 2-3 weeks ago. I share my experiences with people who I may not physically see or hear, essentially come into contact with, but experiences are there to be shared. But you need to realize that every tool is just a means. I find blogging an effective way of communicating my experiences. But if I live to blog, then that's a problem. Hence, the fact that I'm not a daily blogger. :x

Anyway, so my message is this. L.I.V.E. Living entails human interaction, and not at a virtual level. Move, experience, test, smell, aspire, change, forget, remember... DO SOMETHING! Get off your computer and just talk to your dad/mom/sibling/friend/acquaintance for like 5 minutes. Just 5 minutes! Recognize that human interaction is the foundation of society, and without it, we'll fall apart.

peace
-reem

learnable moments.

Quote of the day:
From the 'Anarchist Against the Wall' presentation at WSU today from 12:15-1:15pm.

"Congratulations LGBT community.. you have now the ability to be masculine and kill people." (Gal Lugasi; Anarchists Against the Wall), on the DADT. This is an anti-war activist, anti-occupation activist. It had nothing to do with LGBT rights, but about warfare.

Well I guess you learn something everyday.









So, I am discovering, through my oral history class, that everything someone says can be filled with so many things to learn. Meaning, even if it sounds stupid as hell, you will experience a 'teachable moment' (or maybe a 'learnable moment'); you just need to be RECEPTIVE and OPEN to it.

This is teaching me so much about myself. I am discovering that I talk a lot less than I used to. I have become an observer. Where everything someone says must be filled with something to take from it. It doesn't matter who they are, what they represent, or whether or not you agree with them. Regardless, there is something that you will learn. It has turned into a game with me, I must discover something that I learned before the conversation (or the day!) ends!

So, as a teacher/instructor, we talk about 'teachable moments', but we forget that we need to be receptive to those moments. We have to recognize that everyone has something, some sort of impact and influence. This influence shapes you (and them) internally and externally, whether it's at a shallow level or a deep level. Recognizing this makes you unravel personal biases, and accept everyone without a standard that you may unintentionally set for them. The only standard set is the recognition that they have some sort of reciprocal influence on you, and therefore they are valuable. This value is never to be discounted, because, whether or not you discover the 'learnable moment', you recognize the person as someone who is worthy as an individual.

Dubois says that the factors that make a life worthy are the ability: to move, to know, to love, to aspire. (The Dubois Reader, Representative Men, John Brown, pg 259)

I agree with Dubois on that one. And I feel like, one mechanism towards achieving that worthy life is through recognition of other beings who are capable of doing those things. To not live in your own self-created bubble of a biased world. To move, to know, to love, and to aspire.

I guess I'll stop here...

peace
-reem

smile effect

What have we come to???????!

I'm a smiley person, I just walk around with a grin on my face. But lately, people have been coming up to me and asking me the reasons behind the smile. Like I am committing something wrong, or not acting normal, by smiling.

Some of the statements/reactions I've gotten are:
"you look like you're harboring a secret"
"mischievous smile"
"you look like you're planning something"
"you shouldn't be so happy"
"you're always smiling, and it always confuses me"
"one day that smile is going to disappear"
"f*ck you, you're not happy"
"get over yourself"
*returns grin with a shake of the head*
*avoids eye contact*
*cocks an eyebrow up questioningly*
*scoffs*

I don't know why smiling has become such a "wrong" in today's society. I sometimes unintentionally smile. Or I just like sharing the happiness. There are times when I need to convince myself to smile, just to keep a cool. I smile out of relief. Out of private conversations I have in my head. Through the recollection of memories. At another smiling face. To follow the advice of the prophet of Islam, in that "a smile in the face of your brother/sister is a charity". To release discontent. To mock myself. To love myself. To discover my inner thoughts. To brighten someone's day. To brighten my own day. To stay 'together'. To keep things positive. To follow my heart. To change my heart. To love myself. To destroy personal biases. To unconditionally love.

Anyway, these are just a few examples of why I may smile. So, if you see me on campus with a giant smile on my face, it isn't out of some 'sketchy' purpose. It is out of all of the above, or despite them all.

Just a quote from Shakespeare's Othello "The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief." The 'thing' that is reclaimed through my smile, is my unconditional love for people.
<3 *GRIN* <3

[ram-uh-dahn]

Happy Ramadan o.O
It is officially the 3rd day of the month of ramadan. A month in which muslims all over the globe fast from dawn to sunset. Basically, we eat, drink, and consume nothing during that time. There are other aspects, where we try and be a bit more spiritual, we work towards becoming better individuals... essentially it's FAITH boot camp.

Enough about the dry facts, now to the emotional kicking and screaming....
The only sucky aspect about living in the united states (or any predominately not muslim country)is that we have to go on with our normal lives... Work, school, gym, sports, and so forth. I will never forget playing basketball while fasting... oh the dehydration... I live off of Gatorade and similar sports drinks all during 'non-fasting hours'.

Overseas, LITERALLY, everything is closed ALL DAY and open ALL NIGHT. Now, I don't think that's exactly a good idea, because I mean, seriously? Shopping at 3am? But it does get convenient... Literally, people just stay at home all day and do nothing. Now, I wonder, doesn't that abuse the concept of Ramadan....? Isn't ramadan about doing everything you're supposed to be doing with extra prayers and fasting on top... I feel like overseas they've deconstructed the whole concept of ramadan... It's like, who cares that the concept of the day is for the living... :x

But sunset over seas is sooo much earlier!!! I just found out that in Saudi people break their fast at 6:20pm!!! THAT'S 2 HOURS AND 20 MINUTES BEFORE US IN MICHIGAN! Given, though, that Michiganders are at the end of the time zone... :x

Although, dawn does come in earlier overseas, I'd rather take earlier dawn that later sunset... come on now... eat... sleep... wake up at a normal time like 8am... rather than... still wake up at 8am and fast an extra hour...

Anyway, I was just thinking about the fact that maybe we just need to let things go, and literally just ride the waves. Live life, do what we do, and throw the rest up to God. God's got our back.

So why stress that menial things of life. Why focus on the unimportant details. Lately, I feel like "poopers, people have no clue"... People are so preoccupied about things that really, have no true value. I feel like we need to go back to our roots and realize, that as social beings, we need to be there for one another. We need to focus on developing each other and helping each other to attain what you may call 'enlightenment' 'nirvana' 'peace' 'tranquility'... but really, what I call, 'true happiness'.

So this month, ramadan, I ask you... ask yourself the question, and be honest to yourself (and if you want to post it to me ;) ) what truly makes you happy. If you think the answer may change by tomorrow, then maybe you should write it down and watch the trend of happiness change... Is happiness something that is triggered by a constant thing or is it by temporary things.

Today: What truly makes me happy? Well, it's a tough question.. But at the moment, I'd say: seeing my friends together and supporting one another makes me really happy... that and... TWIZZLERS!

peace
-reem

Nostalgia

Evening,

There is just so much I can talk/type about, but I'm not in the mood.

I mean, I can discuss how the whole Quran Burning thing on 9/11 is such a load of BS, and that it is exactly such mentalities that perpetuate hate, discontent, misunderstanding, and conflict.

I can talk about the Michigan oil spill and how our country really needs to get it's act together, and find an alternative environmentally friendly fuel.

I can ramble on and on about how Justin Bieber, the singer, you know, who hasn't hit puberty yet, wants to write a memoir... "first step 2 forever." are you kidding me???? what kind of tacky pooper name is that? and Who really cares what he's done in his 'oh so lengthy' life? Really now, can't he just blog like everyone... but that's besides the point...

I can talk about Obama's Iraq withdrawal plan http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/10839342

or

The 2.5 million people in pakistan being affected by these insane floods http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-south-asia-10834414

or even

Russia's State of Emergency over wildfires http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-10836281

But really, what I want to talk about is this feeling of Nostalgia that I've been experiencing.

Lately, I feel like nostalgic of things I've never even experienced. Like I'll think... that makes me nostalgic, but I have no idea what the thing is, nor why I feel that way. It's like some sort of memory teases my senses, but doesn't fully manifest. I am left with this fleeting emotion that tickles my mind, attempting to wring some sort of happening from my thoughts. But, alas, those experiences are absent. Those feelings are being drawn out of air. I have no idea where this nostalgia is coming from, nor to what it is being directed towards.

I hope I am still sane.

Has this every happened to you?
Something similar? Something totally different?

peace
-reem

too muslim to be punk

Well hello there world,

I don't know how to begin this post, given that I haven't written in a couple of weeks, and apparently this online relationship thing isn't working out too well. Yes, blogspot, I have missed you... But we're not exactly two peas in a pod... It's more like, I have neglected you, and now I beg... please, please take me back....
Anyway, now that I've gotten that out of my system...




I was told the other day, that I am too muslim to be punk...


According to dictionary.com punk means a lot of things, however the definition that I am referring to is:
"a style or movement characterized by the adoption of aggressively unconventional and often bizarre or shocking clothing, hairstyles, makeup, etc., and the defiance of social norms of behavior, usually associated with punk rock musicians and fans."


and well Islam, according to dictionary.com means:

the religious faith of Muslims, based on the words and religious system founded by the prophet Muhammad and taught by the Koran, the basic principle of which is absolute submission to a unique and personal god, Allah.



Honestly, okay so... I defy the norm. So, how is that so wrong? I mean, doesn't me being muslim in America kinda mean I am punk, without even the clothing or the styles, or even the music associated with punk culture...
I mean,essentially, I do not follow the norms of the society I live in... *gasp***
does that mean??? what I think it means???

I don't have to be punk.... to be punk!!!!!

Anyway, so what??? I wear black... with t-shirts with witty statements... and bracelets that reach mid arm... converse/worker boots and well... I have droopy kohl on... and I listen to bands like the offspring, billy talent, sugarcult, and nirvana. :x

So, who cares? If I am a punk by nature (relative to the society i live in) then why is it such a problem that I dress by that culture. I mean, technically... If you have a standard of dress, and a culture you adopted... then, doesn't it mean, that you are idiosyncratic... or oxymoronic... because, shouldn't you be defying anything and everything with norms????

SO YES!!! STAND UP AND SCREAM!!! DEFY THE NORM!!!!

but if you listen to me... well, then you're just adhering to my standards/expectations/norms...

So, what is this post about really???

It is about thinking for yourself... dressing the way you want and the way you like to look. And creating your own standards... without anyone force-feeding them to you.

So, if you like to wear a polo and kaki's but it is nothing but your decision. Then go for it... and if you want to wear bright orange parachute pants and a lime green top.... then, if that's what makes you do a jig, then go for it as well!

The reality is... there is no anarchical society... there is no normless world... every utopia is in essence a dystopia. Every person who screams out!!! DEFY THE NORM, is just causing a ripple effect of new norms to follow. I mean, think about it... 20 years ago, no one, I mean NO ONE would ever walk around all punked up... but suddenly, it has become the style... can you believe all of the accessories that you can buy from Claires that is just sooo punk??? Remember when Hot Topic was the only place you can buy those leather bracelets with the metal studs on them??? Well guess what??? I bought 2 from syria last summer for $0.10 each!!! I mean, seriously??? I walked into a punk store in the middle of OLD DAMASCUS!!!!

So, embrace your inner eccentricity...
Be true to who you are and who you want to be, rather than who or what society wants you to be. And if you want to be, just like everyone else... then no one is going to stop you.

But if someone tells you... you're too muslim to be punk.... walk off... and flip them... THE PEACE SIGN!!! \\//

booya.

PEACE
-reem

Marraige Preoccupation

Peace...
So, my last post I talked about being sick of something...
and I've realized that I am annoyed with something else... (not to be negative).

Will the people who are soooo pre-occupied with marriage just shut up?!
Please!
Do me a favor and just hide in a hole where no one can find you...
(okay that was a joke... insert LOL here)

Anyway, I have always had the mentality (probably developed by my father) that my main occupation/preoccupation should be my self-development and social development. If I was to be anything, it should be something that I choose to be and pursue it to the best of my ability. These goals should be determined by 2 factors: 1) Will it benefit society? 2) Will it bring you closer to God.
Now, I have gone into a career (academia), in which, according to my professors, I'll be married to my research. Now, I know, without a doubt, that I can manage a social life and the life as a researcher/teacher/academic, while being happy and balanced... So, why can't people just let it go. It's like they're a dog with a bone, and just won't let it go.

Apparently, I am un-marriageable (not that I care) because i "am too friendly (and sporty)... and therefore, one of the guys"... I ♥ how honest people can be... :x
that is what triggered this post...

It just annoys me lately that people are so preoccupied with marriage. Sure, people are getting married, finding love, sharing lives and what not and that's great. But that isn't my main goal in life. If you choose your main goal to be married with kids, then so be it. But my main goal is to live a happy life within the boundaries that God ordained for me. To enjoin good and forbid evil, work towards a just/equal/fair society, and to get closer to God. Now, I'm not saying I don't want to get married. But what I am saying is: once it happens, it'll happen. Don't dictate my goals or assume that marriage is my 'end point'.

Anyway, this post is just to say that, marriage/civil unions are beautiful. Don't make it something dreadful. When it happens, it'll happen. Don't rush life. Just let it go on. When I find the right person, I will find them, and God's got my back.

That's it.

Peace.
reem

hijab. yeah. sure. whatever.

Peace and hello.

Well, this is probably something I have posted about in the past... but I guess I will be posting about it again, given that I have had this blog for a couple of years now. ;)

Hijab... (the head scarf and modest clothing a muslim women may wear).

I am not going to explain (other than that one statement) what hijab is. However, I am going to talk about it, to an extent.

Really, I understand that hijab is a public manifestation and symbol of faith that muslim women portray if they wear it. I understand it is a trigger in which people begin to question you about your faith, whether it is positively or negatively. I understand that it is something that does not subscribe to the norm of what an American woman may look like in American society. So, I understand when people ask me about it.

However, I am so sick of it... really sick of it... Why?

---and guys... i'm sorry... but you have never experienced hijab... so you can never fully (maybe partially) understand why I may feel like this, or why another hijabi might (not necessarily all though).---

Well, do you like being questioned about why you wore purple socks instead of green ones? Or why you are wearing shorts instead of pants? Or how about why you're wearing a button up instead of a t-shirt? Sure, maybe once in while, you can deal with it.... but on an almost daily basis (sometimes multiple times a day)... It really does get annoying..

I don't mind people asking me about my faith... but questioning me in a manner that pushes me on the defensive, will really push my buttons. I am sick of it. I want people to understand: HIJABI's ARE NOT AUTOMATED COMPUTER SYSTEMS WITH NO EMOTIONS. At some point, we get sick of people asking us the same questions all the time. I know that something that seems so natural, so common sense to us, may not be the same for others... but I ask:

If you want to know about why we wear hijab, ask... but if you want to argue with us, get over yourself. You will never understand it, never comprehend it, until you practice it, experience it...

Just as people question how I can run around and play sports in long sleeves all summer long, I question how they can prance around in booty shorts with all their cellulite hanging out... (okay, fine not everyone, but you know where i'm getting at).. However, I do not attack your beliefs... I do not question your independence, liberty, or choices. I will respect you, even if you're in "daisy dukes with a bikini on top" (if you're a guy... well, you chose that apparel, what can I do?).

All I can say is:

Let people make their own choices. Let them develop their own experiences. Let them live without being questioned constantly.

The Quran says: "There is no compulsion in religion" meaning, no muslim (or non-muslim) should be forced to do anything, except which they choose to do themselves. There are repercussions for your actions, sure, depending on the legal system in which you are a constituent of. Therefore, do not force anyone to live by your standards...

The point of my post is essentially, that^^
Do not force anyone to live by your standards...

I wear hijab, because I choose to.
You may wear purple socks, because you choose to.
The reasons may be different. But the right to choose is pretty much the same.

Peace.
reem

good question

hello.
So, I've come to the realization that I am scared. Which is sad, because no one ever associates me with fear, or at least I don't think people do, they might, I just might not know it. Anyhow, I am scared.

of what?!? good question.

I'm scared of many things, but I think it stems from failure. I have realized that I've gotten way too comfortable in mediocrity. Well, two things actually. I've also come to the realization that my family is made up of eccentrics. So, normalcy and mediocrity is relative. But anyway, my fear of failure has turned me into a static, ineffective, and stalled person. I'm essentially stuck in neutral. I have been so unproductive and that scares me. I was trying to understand why I have been so unproductive lately, when my whole life, I've managed to juggle millions of things simultaneously, while being very efficient and fruitful. And I realized that if I do nothing, nothing bad can happen. And in arabic they say 'nawm bijir nawm' which means, sleep drags more sleep. Basically, the more you sleep (or are inefficient) the more tired and sleepy you get.

Anyhow, I realized even more so, I fear inefficiency more than failure. So, for the last couple of months, I've felt like 'enh, I don't want to do anything' and in the last month or so, SOOO MANY OPPORTUNITIES HAVE BEEN THROWN MY WAY! and the odd thing is, they aren't opportunities that I can reject or ignore. So, like the other day I had a midterm that I barely studied for, and apparently I did really well, and so forth. So, yesterday, I realized that I can ignore and punish myself as much as I want, but God won't abandon me. Actually, He's got my back, even though my back was turned on Him.

And I have decided that screw failure and screw inefficiency, I will be as energetic, fruitful, productive, constructive, vigorous, and teeming as possible. I am going to grab opportunity by the horns, and make my way on this earth.

Many people have told me that I would be a great instigator for change and productivity in the world,that I will revolutionize the way Muslim women will be viewed, and I have always laughed at those statements. Well now, I'm going to make those statements my way of life. I will (inshaAllah/God Willing) instigate change towards the positive. I will revolutionize society. I will show the world what one Muslim woman can do.

So, for all those who don't know me my aims are:
- to be a political theory professor (my favorite subject because it's so comprehensive), so I can help people discover themselves (their thoughts and ideas) and the world around them, and show them that everything is at their fingertips.
- to teach the new coming generations that you must THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! Standards are created by yourself, no one should be able to dictate you in any way, shape or form.
- to share my experiences through my poetry and short stories
- to influence scholarly works in my field, because it's about time muslim political thought gets introduced into the field. Or some feminist interpretations get pushed to the forefront, rather than pushed off to the side, with only a 2 second interpretation.
- to embrace what it means to be a muslim woman, and that means self and community empowerment, by developing and exercising minds.

Essentially, I am making an attempt banish fear to lowest and deepest recesses of hell. We need change. We need to defy norms. We need to be effective.

this is for the mothers/wives

Hello,
So, often we young people criticize our mothers because they are homemakers and that's it. I have come to realize, that running a home is extremely difficult and complex. In the past couple of months, I have made it my mission to help out around the house... cooking, cleaning, some shopping, and so forth. It was not announced within the family, just a personal decision, to help develop me in this area.
I never belittled or condescended women who choose or possibly had to resort to being housewives, in my life, but I always assumed it would be easy. Literally, you cook and then you have the rest of the day to watch soap opera's and host 'tea socials'.
BOY WAS I WRONG!
It is amazing how much work is involved in running a household. I have been only helping out, probably about a total of 5%, and it is so time consuming. I literally stood for 3 hours straight almost daily for the past week, just to make dinner!
The point of this post is that I want to thank and commend all those house wives in the world, who make things look so easy, while they run an efficient household.

I would like to praise those house wives who are also mothers! how you do it is beyond me.

And finally, I'd like to scream from the top of my lungs, in commemoration for those who are house wives, as well as mothers, as well as workers or students. You are forever in my highest regards and respect.

that's about it.
peace
-reem

when you're mad/angry/ticked ect

peace
the top ten things to do when you're angry at someone, but cannot express that anger beyond a grunt or a twitch:




(in no specific order, but i'd probably do #2 first)

1- blog it (normally i don't do this.... but yeah)
2- run anywhere between 3-6 miles (or rigorously work out for about an hour or 2), depending on the amount of pressure you're trying to burn
3- sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
4- go on a book reading fest....
5- sniff sharpies.... (trust me, it works to get rid of headaches!!)
6- go walking in nice weather (like today) with someone, and let that person unload their problems on you, because it helps you put things into perspective.
7- ignore the issue, by closing the metaphorical door on them. (which i don't recommend, unless it is a real door, and you don't slam it, it's all good.
8- do something really nice for the person.... like buy them chocolate, do the dishes, clean the house, i don't know, help with their homework (i wonder if you can guess who i'm currently angry at?)
9- avoid the person all day, don't cross paths, and if you do, don't make eye contact.... it lets both parties really think about the situation
10- try to think of a list of things that you could do to calm down :s

oh okay... i got one extra... LOL because i just realized i did it!!!! stare at that aforementioned door that is closed and make faces at it!!!!!!!!!!!!

----

peace
-reem

highlights from boston

Well, so you might know, that I was originally born and raised in Boston moved away from my hometown some 3 years ago. So, I went back for my cousin AS's wedding.
(I'll be using initials, just in case people don't like their names being thrown about on the internet).

So, my highlights were! (these are in no ranking order)

1- okay, okay, this might sound wrong... but playing with SG's snake.... and then scaring the crap out of KL & SR by waving it around their faces!
2- hanging out with MG, RAS, and AE in the MSA office :s
3- playing bball at boston bowl with SG, and getting half the amount of tickets... and just in spite of MG and RAS, I bought candy they didn't like with my tickets. :)
4- setting up the hall with AS and A(shoot I don't know his last name initial), for their wedding 4 hours later... and cracking stupid jokes, while eating tons of candy the entire time.
5- seeing AS in her BRIDAL GLORY! DAMN! SHE WAS HOT! MashaAllah!
6- meeting new people in Boston, who I couldn't believe I didn't know, because, I swear I thought I knew EVERYONE THERE!!!!
7- sleeping on MG's floor...
8- trash talking trash talkers from two feet away, just to piss them off. Sometimes people are so ridiculous
9- THOSE EFFING BALLOONS!!!!
10- awkwardly meeting A's in-laws at their hotel rooms, and feel so oddly placed!!!!!
11- meeting FS's maaaaaaan! (well and AS's man too)
12- (okay, this is my #1, sorry guys!!!) SEEING FAB at FREAKING UMASS BOSTON AND SLOW MOTION RUNNING TO HER, like some movie scene, when lovers reunite!!!
13- seeing AE almost the whole weekend! when I NEVER SEE HER!!!!
14- checking out MI's hottness at AS's wedding ;)
15- telling a million and one people to go green!!! what is wrong with bostonians??? is it a michigan thing to be environmental???
16- copping 2 cups of wedding candy after all the guests left, muahahhahaha!!! (and I'm eating it right now :D )
17- meeting up with MM at the ISBCC's cafe... I MISS YOU GIRL!
18- going to SN and SK's apartment, and being loud annoying people there!
19- eating a million times a day on monday! Umass (breakfast), umass (lunch), prudential (lunch again and dinner), MG's place. & seeing HS!
20- having a <3 2 <3 with my pops during our one hour ride on his way home after AS's nikkah/katb al-kitab :)

Anyway, there is much more.... but those were the one's that make me crack up, smile, tear, and jump for joy...

Take care guys,
with much love.
salam

flat tires and vindication

PEACE!

I haven't posted a blog in almost 2 weeks... and it feels like months, but anyway something interesting happened to me today...
Before I post the story, let me share this verse from the Quran:

"It may be that you hate something when it is good for you, and it may be that you love something when it is bad for you. Allah knows, and you do not know" (Surat al-Baqara, 216).

So, what happened?

I was at the post office waiting in line for almost an hour and a half just to return a package to amazon. I had accidentally ordered a duplicate book, and called the seller, and they said I could, thank God, return it with a full refund! So, I'm standing in line, getting frustrated and more frustrated, as every tick on the second hand clock tocks by. (get it tick-tock, yes, that was my attempt to be witty). Anyway, the guy behind me is talking to his girlfriend on the phone about how much she should be grateful for having him, and he's making all the kissing noises to her, and calling her 'baby' every other word, and I was twitching.
I just wanted to turn around and be like "DUDE! GET OVER YOURSELF!" but I withheld my comments.

Anyhow, I'm waiting in line, and there's only 2 people working there, and the couple in front of me is (or would you say are?) talking in rapid japanese. I know this is japanese (not some other asian language) because the words were familiar, and given that I watched too much anime growing up, I caught bits and pieces of their words. But it was frustrating me, cuz they were going on and on so fast, that I just wanted be like "STOP TALKING!!!!!!!!!!!!!".

Then, I finally make it to the register, and the girl who calls me forward, was like "put the package on the scale, and I'll be right back". So, I put it down, and wait for her.... and wait for her.... and wait some more for her... until about 5 people behind me were helped by the other worker.... It made me twitch, but I didn't want to be rude and be like, "LADY, TAKE ME NEXT". So, I continued to wait. Until some other worker, came up to the service area, and asked if she could help me....

FINALLY, I get out of the post office, and walk to my car, and see a little pink sticky note on my car... The first thought in my head was "Oh damn! someone better of not hit my car!!!!! and left a sad excuse of a note!", but I went to examine it anyway.

It was a note, notifying me, that my car had a flat tire. And it made me really HAPPY! I know, you're thinking, 'dude, you have a flat tire, in the middle of the winter, in MICHIGAN!!!', but actually I was happy. Because someone actually took the time to write that note, and stick it on my car.

I'm the type who would have never noticed the flat tire, until it caused me bodily harm, one way or another. And had I not got stuck in the post-office for like an hour, this person may not have noticed this about my car. Had I left, just 5 minutes earlier, I would be driving around with a flat.

So, it is with great pleasure, that the aforementioned verse dawned on me. Sometimes, a situation could seem sooooo sucky, but it protects you from something else. It is actually bring about benefit, even if you dislike it. I wasted an hour or so, in that post-office, thinking about the million and five other things I had to do. But, when I got to my car, that note vindicated my wait and did away with my frustration. I don't know who this person is, but I really appreciate their effort, because of their note, I went and paid 25 cents to fill my tire with air, and get home safely.

Anyway, I thought I wanted to share that.

Peace
-reem

Seriously though, what are sisters for???

Okay, before I write my post, I'd just like to leave a link on the earthquake in haiti. http://www.cnn.com/2010/WORLD/americas/01/15/haiti.earthquake/index.html?hpt=T1

---




Anyway, I've noticed, after moving to Michigan, that not many siblings hangout together. I mean, maybe they do at home. But out publicly, with friends, it's like sisters don't know each other. I don't understand this dynamic. But similarly, people don't understand the dynamic between me and my sister (or even my brother have, here in Michigan).


I grew up in a society or a culture, where siblings hung out together with their friends. So, my friends and my sister and her friends would hangout, some of which would bring their siblings (or cousins) along with them. So, you have a group of people hanging out, anywhere between the ages of 12 and 30.

I noticed that in the metro Detroit area, no siblings (or very few) actually know each others friends, let alone hang out with them. And I'll be honest, I have nooooo idea who my brother's friends are after moving here... They'll come over, go straight into his room (which is like 2 feet from mine) and never even tell me their names. I DON'T KNOW THERE NAMES!!! and I find this phenomenon very SCARY!

I mean, think of it from my perspective, my brother's friends were close enough to be my friends, same with my sister's friends, same with my friends to their friends and so on. We were essentially one big "happy" family. Okay, not quite, of course every group of friends has their drama, but we actually hung out.

Now, people keep remarking on how weird/interesting (great how those are interchangeable, huh?) my sister and I are. That we have an interesting sibling dynamic. I'll be honest, I love my sister. I love her as a best friend, as a sibling, as a role model, and as an artist. I am not embarrassed to hang out with her, or my (really embarrassing) brother.

Anyway, it just bugs me how people don't treat their family as worthy to have fun, outside of those 'family activities'. So, the following is a list of why siblings and friends should mix:

1- The mix of ages. This will cause a natural peer mentoring system, where youngsters will be influenced by the elders. This may have negative effects, but in my experience, it's been more positive. So, my friend's cousins who are like 12 have been really influenced by us. Similarly, it taught us (college-aged folk) to truly respect and value the younger ones.

2- The mix of genders. Honestly, not many muslims know how to interact with the 'opposite' gender because they come from a cultural norm where we should be 'separate' but 'equitable'. I feel like, when you have that mix of friends, with your siblings involved, you learn how to interact comfortably, without any stigma (or "God forbid" reputation lashing from the community).

3- Group dynamic skills. Okay, don't laugh at me, but seriously, all you 'single sibling-ed' people, will learn how to be around more people. But, most importantly, you develop a group that you feel you may belong to, that hopefully, isn't discriminatory against age, race, or gender. As well as, you learn to interact with people beyond the mere 'tit-for-tat' experience.

4- Memories. I'm sorry Michiganders who have not yet adopted this pro-sibling lifestyle, but you will have the greatest memories with your friends. Because, your relationship cannot be superficial due to so many familial connections. And due to that, you have so much fun doing absolutely nothing, except pulling out like 2 decks of cards and playing SPOONS with 15 people.

5- Family becomes fun. So, if you're stuck with those boring parents, or boring siblings, you have a model of what kind of fun you can have with your families. You also, learn how to interact better with your own family. Watching my friends interact with their families, made me understand my own familial relationships so much better. Anyway, if you wanna get away at 2 o'clock in the morning, all you need to tell your parents is "ROUBA IS COMING WITH ME" and "WE'RE GOING TO FATIMA'S HOUSE TILL FAJR, ALL HER COUSINS ARE THERE"... so, you have an easy get away, with a family member in tow.



Well, those were only 5, but this post is now getting lengthy.
So, my recommendation is... Stop hating on me and my buddy buddy family, and start hanging out with yours (publicly, with friends). So, if you're going bowling with your friends, invite your mom's (or if you're still reserved about that, your sisters) along. At first, it maybe awkward, but later on, you really look back and think, wow, I did things right.

Troops should stay at home

I'm sitting on campus, and have been here since about 7am.... doing pretty much nothing... well, other than literary research on Dubois. Anyhow, I keep thinking about how Obama stated he'll be sending 30,000 troops to Afghanistan. I just can't grasp why we are going to endager the lives of 30,000 individuals, and essentially respective families... in the name of democracy and ensuring stability. I feel like we are enhancing instability within the United States of America, by letting our troops go to fight a war overseas. Our troops are children, college students, fathers, mothers, elders, youngsters, the people who make up the fabric of American society. We are threatening the stability of their lives.
According to the Washington Post, we have had 804 soldiers die in Afghanistan, (not to mention the 4,326 who died in Iraq, totaling to 5,130 just in those two countries alone):
http://projects.washingtonpost.com/fallen/afghanistan/

I mean, think of it, 804 troops out of 3000, that's like what 26%, more than 1/4th of our troops may die. Consider the very basic math that I did. But really, I mean do we want to lose another 804 troops.... Do we really want to lose ONE? I mean, do value human life so lowly nowaday? Is the stability of the household maintain, when the father/mother/daughter/son is lost? I think factors of psychological, economic, social, political, and physical instability arise from the death of one person.

I really really urge President Obama to reconsider the sending of our troops to Afghanistan. Where seeking out Al-Qaeda is like fencing in the dark... It's a game of Hide-N-Seek, where we're blindfolded and earplugged.

Our troops should be protecting our people at home. I mean, The CDC estimated a total of 52,447 deiberan gunshot injuries and 23,237 in the year 2000 alone.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun_violence_in_the_United_States
MADD states that 11,773 people have died in illegal BAC drunk driving crashes in 2008.
http://www.madd.org/about-us/about-us/statistics.aspx

The CDCP states that moer than 22,000 lives were lost due to OD-ing in 2005.
http://www.cdc.gov/media/subtopic/sme/paulozzi.htm

So, we're just going to be sending our troops to fight a shadowy cause, yet our issues at home are left undiscussed, undiscovered, and unsolved.

I don't know what to say... No, actually I do.... Keep our troops safe. Keep stability within the United States. Fight the injustice that plagues us at home, needless deaths, crime, poverty, homelessness and the like. Let's value the sanctity of human life. Don't send out troops to fight for a borderless and timeless war.

That's all I have to say really.

Feel free to comment.
sincerely,
reem

when i'm 30, iA

So, I just came across (or was encouraged to read... however put):
http://reinventingsandyb.wordpress.com/the-list/
and
http://symphonic-discord.blogspot.com/2009/11/my-list.html
which is essentially a list of things a friend wants to do before the time she's 30 years old.... She wrote this 4 years ago...
I decided, I'll make a list too... maybe in 8 years at least 1/10th would be completed...iA

1- To memorize the Quran with understanding
2- To finish one of my many novels, and actually get it published
3- To teach 5 people tajweed
4- To teach at Harvard University, Ancient Political Thought as well as Feminist Political Theory
5- To walk from Detroit to Boston
6- To go back packing in Europe
7- To learn french, german, spanish, urdu, persian, hebrew, and japanese. (at least to just speak)
8- To run 15 miles in one day
9- To spend a day without worries
10- To own a drink shop, and make EVERYTHING but in 'virgin'
11- To publish a poetry chap book
12- To get onto DEF Poetry
13- To learn how to 'TRULY' break dance
14- To marry a man who can supply me with a life time support of diet creme soda and twizzlers
15- to accept myself
16- to get an ijaza in memorization and tajweed
17- to run the boston/detroit marathon
18- to ride a horse, camel, and a mustang (the car)
19- to send out anonymous letters to all my loved ones now, in 8 years.
20- to record a spoken word CD
21- to learn how to perfect the art of Good rice
22- to keep in contact with my cousin in syria
23- to become a political analyst for BBC or Aljazeera
24- to translate a book of Nizar Qabani's Poetry into english
25- to go on a REAL cruise
26- to relearn history
27- to learn to FOCUS
28- to live by what I truly believe in
29- to truly believe in something without doubts or worries
30- to build some self esteem.

I know... wow... I wonder how much you learned about me.... :s

Anyway, that's about it...
salam
-reem

how would you feel?

Today, I was thinking about how musicians are so oblivious of their fans. Like, the true impact they have on their following. I go into phases where I will listen to the same band over and over again, until I feel like their music is my music. Until their lyrics are my thoughts. Till their emotions become my own. I feel like I have a personal connection with them. It scared me, my realization of this. I kept thinking about how, someone's voice, a voice that I listen to multiple times daily, has no idea I listen to them, unless I choose to become stalker-ish and join a fan club. But honestly, it scared me. Lately, I've been thinking about writing some songs, probably a mix between punk/emo/rock/rap.
I know, I know... different genres, but the question is.... Would people even listen to it? Would my words affect someone, as much as Billy Talent, The Offspring, Rise Against, Maroon 5, Nirvana, BareNakedLadies, Garbage, Evanascence, Breaking Benjamin or Hawthorne Heights affects me? Sometimes, I feel like, do they know that their music builds upon my soul, wraps around my heart, and filters through my thoughts? Would I ever be able to accomplish that? Not that I'm a good singer at all (haha, I suck like whoa), but imagine hearing your own voice on the radio, and thinking that your voice, without you knowing is playing in someone elses head.... not your own.... That your thoughts have been publically announced to everyone in the world you can buy you. You've been bought.... Aren't words supposed to be free ?
Isn't that another discussion completely? I mean, it's one thing to have someone hear you when you don't want them to, but to have your intimate emotions bought. I mean, as a poet (if i can call myself one, i don't think i've earned that title yet), I like my thoughts getting across to people for free (obviously, unless there is an open mic fee), but then, how do you support your art? Hand out free CD's? Uhhhhh, no. Hi, might I remind you that I'm broke.... How about load music/poems onto your Facebook/myspace page.... but then you remember that no one ever accesses your page...
Back to my original point.... I can't imagine a person listening to me whenever they wanted to, without asking me.... Someone subscribing to my most intimate emotions, without my ever being aware....
So I ask this.... Oh Artists of the World.... how does it feel, when someone out there, knows exactly how you felt, but you don't know who it is? How does it feel, to know that someone loves you (your work), but that love is unrequited...?
The question burns down to.... How does it feel, knowing that someone knows your deepest emotion, but you've never even met the person, let alone spoke to them, for them to get to know you well enough, to know your deeper emotions?

sleepover + extra stories

Okay.... this was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo embarrassing for me... but I had to post it....

So, my sister and I slept over my maternal grandparents house last night. My grandparents.... well are... you know... wicked old.... yet, mashaAllah, so youthful and independent. So... this morning... we're supposed to wake up at like 4 am to have breakfast, before fasting the whole day. And I forgot to tell my grandmother that, you know, we have cell phones that can wake us up. (we slept in a 1 room apartment over their home). So, all of a sudden, there's this knocking at our door.... and sure as butterflies, i see my 90something year old grandfather standing at the door with his walking stick, waking us up. I was SHOCKED!!!!!!!!!!! My grandparents have like 12 grandchildren living in the same building... yet, he himself came up 2 flights of stairs.... to wake me and my sister up (who are both... in our 20's). It made me feel soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo embarrassed. But not only that. I felt awe. I'm sooo proud of my grandparents. They're so independent and healthy for people who are like 90... and when i say 90... i mean literally... 90...
My grandfather, goes to work daily... and he doesn't even complain... it makes me feel sooo proud. But anyway, that was it... I couldn't get over it this morning.... that my grandfather, who I should be at his beck and call, you know doing all that I can to in a way serve him, you know make him comfortable, went out of his way to help my sister and I.

Thoughts?

---

#2....

footsie....some random guy sitting behind us on the bus... started playing footsie with rouba.... she got sooo pissed, that she like was ready to stomp on his foot. So, I did what I do best, started talking really loud about how people should try and keep their distance. You know, I was subtle.....
Anyway, rouba was like.... 'pssstt... reem... he's still doing it!' so I was like 'oh my God!' all valley girl like.... anyway... fast forward 10 minutes later... creeper, is waiting to get off the bus and is grinning like an idiot at us... so I'm like 'rouba... is that the guy who was sitting behind you?' and she's like 'yeah... why is he staring/grinning at us' and the bus stops... and really loud, while walking by our window, all high pitched he goes 'OH MY GOD!'

----

#3

We were in a cab.... and they guy kept on trying to get rouba to talk... he knew there was something wrong with her.... so, in order to fish out if we were foreigners or not... He started quizzing us on you know 'area's' so... thank God, we were near my grandparents house, part of old Aleppo, and I knew a lot of the main area's because my dad told me about them recently (like 3 months ago)... and so I'm like... oh that's baab al-jnaan (a veggie/fruit vending market), and that's sab3 bahrat (like this fountain, that has 7 springs)... and I keep going... in the end he asked me if my friend next to me was mute.... and rouba heard 'if my retarded friend is mute'... she was sooo offended it was hilarious.... but he said... next to me... not retarded (in Arabic, they have similar beginning and ending letters)... in the end i was like 'sir, we don't talk to strange men' and he was like 'you guys are my trust, i need to ensure your safety, that's why you got in my cab'... he also told me he wasn't a sleaze... and that he had a wife and kids so that we don't have to worry about him.... it was... an overall interesting experience....

that's about it....

peace
-reem

PRAYER ON SPEED

Salam,

So... I had a major culture shock recently.
My whole life I prayed tarawih (which is an optional prayer Muslims pray during the month of Ramadan in the evening), at Sharon mosque in Sharon, MA. Where each rakah (i don't know how to translate that work, but each repetition i guess) took about 15 minutes, and they prayed 8, reciting about 2.5-3 pages of quran per rakah. You prayed so slowly, and calmly, it was soothing to the soul. It was tiring, but soothing. Then I moved to michigan, where our mosque prays 20 rakah's, reciting about 1 page per rakah. It too was soothing, calming, and what not. They recite at a steady, slow pace. You feel relaxed, not tired or overwhelmed. If you get tired, you can stop half way through (around 8 rakah's), and you fulfilled the optional suggested amount.

Recently, I prayed my first tarawih prayer in Syria. And I think I had a heart attack. I swear I didn't expect it. We were praying Isha, and it was all calm and serene. About half a page recited in the rakah. And I was like, hmmm... I can handle this. Then... all of a sudden we're praying tarawih... and it's like PRAYER ON SPEED!
I turned to my sister, who is also having this culture shock, after our first prayer (we pray in reps of 2, break, then start another rep), and we started cracking up. We were sooooo confused! The dude recited the quran SUPER fast... and we were like WHAT JUST HAPPENED???? Then, he recited ONLY 1 verse.... per rakah. Which means, each prayer took about 2 minutes at average. Yes... what just happened we don't even know. People were getting ready to go into the motions, before the Imam (the leader). I could not believe it. It was such a major culture shock.

and it PISSED ME OFF!

I mean, prayer is supposed to be calming, like meditation. You're supposed to reflect upon the verses read. You're supposed to open up your mind, and converse with God. You're supposed to breath. I think... our prayer was none of that. It was frustrating. Fast paced. And heart attack inducing. :s

Anyhow. I got so annoyed, that I had to leave after 8 rakah's. I decided, I'm gonna check out other mosques, but I was told most mosques here pray like that, except a handful :(.

So, I had a major culture shock. I felt prayer, in a country where the majority is muslim, was extremely mechanical. It was a quantity, not quality mind frame. Now, I understand why my brother prays at home. At least, he can benefit by praying tarawih on his own.

Well, anyway... I had to write a blog about it... because I was in legit shock.

I hope people will not pray like they're on speed.

Have a good day... :s

peace.
-reem