Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Not quite love poem
I started writing a poem... I called it my "not quite love poem"... But I haven't finished it yet. Usually, when I write poetry, it's a one shot game. I write it and that's it... or it gets deserted like nasty leftovers, that make your mouth taste like rotten eggs. But... alas, this is a poem that I want to finish eventually, because it is a perpetual feeling... :x
So, I'll post it, and you can give me feedback.
-----
They say that it is better to have loved and lost
than to have never loved at all
and it makes me wonder
how hard a person must fall
to scramble up their brains
how many butterflies they need to consume
to feel the nervous fluttering in their veins
how many metaphors need to be dropped
in order to feel true love again and again
but...
not everyone follows the rules of the game
when it comes to love
there are no rules
sometimes cupid is a damned tool
and people live in cruel fairy tales
beastly, sleepy, dwarfed, and caged
stuck in this 'i wanna be loved' stage
but...
those of us who aren't
are considered broken
for being one of the girls or one of the guys
and somehow, somehow
I'm supposed to feel hollow inside
fill up this hole, with kodak moments of
regrets and sorrows
fill it up with love
but I can't
I won't
In fact, in this instant, I believe that
ignorance is bliss
I mean, what is love?
An elusive word that can never be defined
except if you are part of the 'in group'
you're crippled if you can't be loved
because, you know, everyone wonders,
why no one else loved you yet?
So, I'm sick of hearing that quote
In fact,
I have no problem with love,
it's people's conceptions that I have problems with.
I love my spinsterhood
I love my career
I love my research
I love being me
I love seclusion and loneliness
I love my friends and family
I love running
I love sports
I love a million other things
so give it up... because
I hate being labeled
insecure,
or being sold off like meat
So, screw it…
I don't believe it at all
Maybe, just maybe
if I am desperate enough
I can be like you...
I'll fall in love with my self
narcissistic personality disorder
chase after a leaf in the wind
fall down the rabbit hole
swim upstream and catch fish with my bare hands
You want me to fall in love
with an idolized dream
with a hyper reality
unraveling strings
tug on the loose end
set me free
because
it is not better to have loved and lost
because your love is as shapeless as gas
as twisted as history
and as addicting as heroine
and my love
well, my love
is to be restriction-less
bias-less
self-sustaining
unconditional
unmonopolized
my love, my love
is free.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Some poetry performances
so... i have a couple of video's on youtube of my feature... but the audio quality sucks a bit... but anyway... I wanted to share...
to see all my video's go to
www.youtube.com/whitefawn87
This is just one... enjoy :)
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
supReem FEATURE!! THIS FRIDAY!!! the 27th!
So.... this friday is my step into the world... both career wise and artistically...
I'm taking my comprehensive exams at 9am... and basically if I pass them... I can graduate... and trust me... It's a HARD exam... students who've been studying harder and longer than me... well were forced to retake it later... :( but hopefully inshaAllah (by the will of God) I'll pass.. :) and then I can write my Masters essay and (well if that goes well) I can REALLY graduate...
Anyway...
I'd really like it if you (yes anyone who reads this!!!) could come to my feature at the echo verse poetry series.
It's at 1515 Broadway, Detroit MI... same place where we had the MY Expressions... This friday night (the 27th) at 9pm.
It's a $10 cover...
It is an amazing poetry open mic series... that has my 100% support.. They do all KINDS of poetry at the echo verse poetry series. I'm gonna say though... sometimes, it's better to leave the little ones at home though. It's all about self-expression!
Also, I have been blessed to be this friday's featured poet... so... be there!
If you can come! bring a friend!!! and even better... BRING SOME POETRY!! for the open mic...
I can't remember if there's a slam this week as well... but if there is... participate! get some experience!!! you just need a 3 minute long piece and some will power and you can do it!!!
I really would love to see you all there, inshaAllah (God willing).
asalamu alaikum \\// PEACE
-reem or... this friday supReem
Thursday, September 25, 2008
gang banging hijabi??
yesterday I had this conversation... literally... and it just cracked me up... only because sometimes people have no clue... but anyway... I tried to throw it into a poem...
I was asked yesterday if
I was part of the bloods or crips
in class cuz i had a bandanna on, i gripped
tightly to my desk, and felt my mind flip
over, mentally preparing myself for the conversation ahead
neither... I pointed at it and said
'it's black.. is that supposed to stand for something?'
the questioner looked at me funny and laughed
and said 'you aren't black'
skeptically my hand moved away from my head
I eyed him with curiosity, strangling the dead cat
he returned that look filled with question, stare off combat
I mean, how do you respond to with 'you aren't black'
'no shit sherlock, it doesn't take a genius to deduce that'
Instead I shook my head, side to side... and just cracked up
I pointed at my head again and said 'it's a hijab'
Thursday, September 11, 2008
September 11th 7 years later
On a side note, did you know if your house gets foreclosed, if your homeless, or get evicted you lose your ability to vote, you're stripped of your citizenship, you lose your American identity in a way.... Hold that thought.
http://www.michiganmesseng
-----
September 11th 7 years later
She sat in the 3rd row, 7th seat in her 10th grade class room
One September morning. She waited as the principal relayed the school news
Instead of hearing about pep rallies, competitions, and student groups
She listened to him talk about crashes, death, towers, deployment of troops
She watched as the TV was rolled in
Cringed at the sight in front of her, goose bumps erupting on her skin
Tears blurred her vision, a dam had broke
She turned to her best friend, who gave her a fearful look
She eyed her English teacher who stood domineering at the front of the class
Who’s eyes stared back at her, cutting, accusing like she caused the crash
From that moment on she knew her future would change
Sighing in surrender, hands extended in front of her, ready to give in, her life would never be the same
Between those 7 years till this very day
She waged verbal war against ignorance, battled psychological demons,
She the knight, ignorance the slay
Her words served on a tray indiscriminately to anyone who would take
Her knowledge and put it to their lips, tasting a drop of wisdom, everything at stake
Her hands were callused from holding wooden signs
Marching through the years, protesting to end the open-ended wars and fights
Her shin-splintered legs carried her through 7 years of time
She spent 7 years in worn out shoes, soles giving out, covered in the grime
She spent 7 years ignoring harassment, ignoring hate crimes
She spent 7 years fighting accusations hurled about her kind
She spent 7 years deconstructing every hurtful lie
She spent 7 years building relationships greater than the infamous twin towers
More complex, more architecturally defined, bringing hope to the hopeless and courage to cowards
Every year she stood carrying a candle into the night
Standing strong in solidarity, unifying under the banner of peace, bringing forth a bit of light
She volunteered to teach those who couldn’t afford to learn
And planted seeds of faith, hope, optimism, in those who thought that life could never turn
Around. And although she was like an energizer bunny, eventually she’d crash and burn
7 years later after all the random checks, searches, keyed cars, slashed tires, she mourned
For the increased warfare, attacks, death, deception, and the futureless youth
She mourned for the insecurity of the masses, the voice of silence, the fear of speaking out the truth
She mourned for the relapse back into the dark ages
Where people blindly attacked, with swords, cannons, guns fueled by hatred
And on this September morning she let her tears fall
For fallen angels, fallen soldiers, falls from grace, fallen women, for it all
Her tears flooded her city, hurricane the world
But no one seem to notice the cries of this hiccupping girl
She stood remembering those who were buried in the earth
Buried with merit, buried forgotten, buried heroes, buried happiness and mirth
Jealous that they didn’t have to witness freedom become a curse,
Witness love become a curse, witness hope become a curse,
Witness hatred and ignorance plague the earth
She wiped away her tears, waiting for her sobs to subside
She walked up to the people gathered, her voice clear, her eyes wide
Reminding her people of these last 7 years, she said:
“I remember a time when water was less abundant that tears.
A time when songs of hope filled the air, rather than battle cry cheers
I remember a time when people were on the rise
Empowering themselves, rather than setting up their demise
And although I stand before, a sister of this era and time
Who stood with you frozen, motionless, seeing the surplus of crime
I also stand before you as a voice to remind
That there is still more pain in the world, it has not died
Under the collapse of the two towers, not buried, it still rampant and alive
There’s still homelessness, bigotry, racism, and lies
There’s still oppression, underpay and healthcare denial
There’s still hate, manipulation, stereotyping and racial profiles
So, I stand before as a witness of these crimes
That happened not only 7 years ago, but before then and till this day, this moment of time
And I ask you to remember all those you have denied
Because injustice is not just a past moment in our time
It is recurrent, current, happening in front of our eyes
So hold that thought closely, tightly to your mind
Because the only battle that should be fought is the one with your soul
By pretending injustice doesn’t happen, remaining aloof, untouched, cold
I ask of you to remember the stories of those left untold
Because injustice is everyday when you don’t hold
Yourself accountable”
She walked away from the stage, away from the crowd gathered
Prayed that change was near, that faith and hope wasn’t shattered
She closed her eyes one last time thinking this was it
Another anniversary of that infamous day, and maybe today would be the day that reality will hit.
----
Saturday, August 23, 2008
heart beat
The amazing thing about faith is that, regardless of a person's faith, spirituality always seeps onto you, even for the moment. And i realized, even though for LaTerry, in her poetry, her faith seemed like a safe-haven, somewhere she can easily retreat to, for me, to find my faith it's always a battle. (see my older peice, called a love letter), it always happens that I write my 'spiritual poetry' when i'm feeling down. but as I was sitting there reflecting at the different expressions of faith (like J.Y.'s masterpiece), that's exactly how it'll be, different, accomodating to each different individual.
For me, I am in constant angst, you hear it alot in my poetry, things like 'i am frustration'... and well, me and my faith, well i know i love God, I know i love Islam, because it just seems so intune with everyone, regardless of the stereotypes put out by the media, for me, my faith will always be an internal struggle, a fight, and that's just who i am... and i guess this is a piece on what that struggle might look like.
---
I don't know how to wrap my mind around this, let alone my words
I'm running head on into battle, without a shield, and a blunted sword
Hearing banshee shrieks erupt from my throat
as I face off my demons, in my imaginary world
internal warfare, mind versus soul
skipping over a tight rope walk between reality and the unseen
anonymously wanted, convicted by angels in my dreams
someone holds me in the palm of their hand
and places me on the life-sized rubber band
sling shotted, out of the realm, out of where i pretended to be
thinking that i am everything that i appear to be
but I realize that I'm restless, pained, and in fear
because everything i was taught in Sunday school, is starting to come clear
I walk like a kid, face painted at a carnival
holding cotton candy, as my sugary arsenal
stuck in a cookie monster complex,
that i'll always have easy access to the jar
by putting out a fierce image, scruffy, blue, scarred
scared, to hand over my heart's 4 chambers
for something beyond, what my eyes can see,
what my fingers can feel,
beyond taste and smell, and what my ears hear
and far beyond what my imagination is worth
because i took a silent oath before my birth
which implanted itself in my unbeating heart
made it's way through my nerve endings
pumped away through my arteries and veins, more beautiful that Mozart
i attempt to resist this, what i see as an invasion on my soul
something that is beyond my comprehension, far beyond my control
and although i started off militarily, fighting for control
I relinquish it, step aside, and take on the measly role of
patrolling my innermost thoughts, but never understanding their words
because speaking to myself, is like speaking English in Creole
I feel like a gypsy walking on hot coal
giving off the air of fascination, when my feet are burning at their soles
feeling like a doppelganger, fighting for the fleshy body, to inhabit. this soul
makes its way, past the fighting and screams of my mind
past the rivers and pastures of this life
past the crosses and nooses and the strife
past the doctors, nurses, and midwives
who attempt to salvage what is left of me
because my EKG reads, not one beep
my heart beat stilled waiting for the skin deep
exorcism of my doubts and creeps
and the resurrection of my faith from sleep
the water is thrown in my face,
an epiphany is at hand, about to take place
and my faith makes way to it's rightful place
back to my heart, which is connected to my nerves and veins
which wrap around my organs and brain
and I realize that my limbs no longer resist me
no longer fight me,
cuz the battle was fought clumsily
the flag of surrender was raised quickly
and I inhale everything much more sweetly
because my heart is beating involuntarily, voluntarily
with a purpose beyond me
my heart is beating
la i- llaha-illah-Allah
in unison with everything
because this is a test of alchemy
since my soul is merging with everything
my heart beats in unison
with the winds caress on the trees
the suns evaporation of tears
the clouds shading of fears
the birth, death and rebirth of nature's green
my heart beats
la i-llaha-illah-Allah
and i just gave up what i thought was everything
for what is truly everything
abandoned my pride,
laid my shield to the side
yielded, even though i fought it my whole life
my heart beats
la i-llaha-illah-Allah
----
for those who don't know what 'la illaha illah Allah' means, it means "there is no God but God"
Sunday, June 15, 2008
Suspended
Suspended
in time, in air, in fear
of everything for everyone, everywhere
Like i just backed up into a traffic jam
road blocked state of mind
stuck in a perpetual purgatory of hurt
Skidding, spiraling, sliding, slumping into an self-created inferno
Only to be burnt by lighting both sides of the candle
Lack of control, with no real handle on life
Bungee jumping into a symphony of self pity
Every smack against the dried ground like the beating of drums
Or is it my heart beating, thumping, pumping
Or did I rip out my mind
only to feel my vertebrae echo like the crack of a whip
As I continue to slip out of reality
And dip into a delusional fantasy
So that I don't have to deal with life
Because every morning is like a bolus shot
Of numbness crawling up my left arm
And my vicodin to ease the pain is the ninth stop at the coffee shop
Tuned back into being a machinated piece of the system
No thoughts, no words, no actions
Silence, the companion of static on this radio station
Of control.
Our emotions as fickle as channel surfing
We hear:
Suicide bomber click
Shop lifting click
Alligator bites click
Health care kills click
Play station upgrade click
Drive by click
Hunger strike click
Union fights click
Mother dies click
Guns sold click
Teenage rape click
Heroine addict click
Terrorist rampage click
Plastic surgery click
Child molested click
Prada the new click
Summer snow click
Cure to aids click
Britney fakes click
Obama's race click
Till the only constant to stick is the mind on autopilot
Because everyone is ADHD, and OD'd on Ritalin
While society creates a tunnel vision
Of what to follow, and anyone out on the periphery
Is blasphemously a threat to the very nature of humanity
The focus hones into only one clarity
Homogeneity is the source of all good
And defying the norm, means you're misunderstood
Knowing the truth, makes you a crook
And history is only one more fairytale book to be told
So that along with our minds, our bodies can be sold
Into a slavery of forgotten self-worth
And as the process continues we become processed goods
Sold over the counter, till all you could do
Is wait on the shelf for someone to acknowledge you
Maybe pat you on the head, give you a gold star
Because you forgot about how messed up the world is so far
You deleted memories of racism and pride
You were debooted, misplacing all the truths you had to hide
Downloaded a virus that made you forget
How Palestinians were stripped of their identity
Just as blacks were robbed of their identity
Just like Arabs are stereotyped by their identity
Just like natives were raped of their identity
Just like Hispanics were pillaged of their identity
Just like the Irish were forced to water down their identity
Just like Muslims are coerced to compromise their identity
Just like youth are told to give up their identity
So, even though I'm spiraling down into oblivion
I leech out the poison their IV-ing into my skin
I break my knees so I can get down and pray
For me not to succumb to their mainstream ways
Yeah, my problems chuck me down into self-hate at times
But at least I'm not one more figure stuck in the regulated lines
Of control.
Because my motto is "speak your mind"
(Feel free to leave comments you wild people you...)