Do your parents know

Sometimes it can be fun to look 14.... sometimes it can be fun to look 35.... sometimes, usually, when you are in your mid-twenties, people never get your age right...

I've been offered "drinks" when I was 14.... I've been carded to get into rated R movies, when I was 23.

I don't know if it is good or bad....

-----

I looked up at the shadow over my table... I was sitting alone... but something was blocking the lighting... and I saw a relatively young man... He wore his EMU t-shirt... I wore what I usually wear out, jeans, a knee length t-shirt dress, and a cardigan type of thing. Clearly, he was 19 or 20. Me, I am 24. However, at that moment he asked me... "Do your parents know you are not at school?" and I gave him a look that said... "really, little boy, really?"

I told him... "no, actually they do..."

He said to me... (sorry for the horrible dialogue stuff, I am not good with those transitions)...
"I thought there was still another 2 months till High Schools let out...?"

I responded with "High schools are not out yet, you are right... there is still a couple of months." (Keep in mind how I get when I am annoyed... you may hear the sarcasm and dryness in my voice.)

He said, "are you ditching school?" --> which, I guess, is the only reason I could be at biggby with a pile of papers in front of me... o.O

I said, "No." and he quickly responded with "no lying... you are clearly not sick... and the high schools are not out"

and I gave him a *are you on drugs* look... and said... "ummmm.... yeah.... did you need something?"

I guess this is when college boys think that they can flirt with high school girls, but don't realize they are flirting with someone who might as well be their college professor.... He *smiles mischievously* then continues on to say, "well, I live in nearby, just wanted to let you know..."

and I gave him a look that said *GEE GOLLY WHIZZ (PUMPED UP WITH SARCASM)* stating "listen, boy... (yes, I said boy)... I might as well be your mother... to me... you are a baby... yes, a baby.... I teach boys like you, everyday..." --> *points to the stack of papers that I am grading with rubrics and everything involved* then, I go on to say "clearly, I am not in high school... I am beyond high school, I am even beyond college..." *points at his t-shirt*...

"So, please... let me get back to my grading... because I have to submit my college students' grades before the week ends..."

He gives me a *bewildered* look... I give him *you've already wasted too much of my time, now go run along* look....

that was it...

Sometimes, I throw my hands to the heavens and thank God that I've got my mamma's genes... but sometimes, I shake my fist at the world and curse these creepy college boys for hitting on girls who they think are younger than them...

All I have to say is this...

Please... please... please... if you are a guy reading this, interested in engaging in a little bit of flirtation... please take in the context clues of the environment...

Stack of papers, rubrics, GIANT coffee (not even latte'd or anything), laptop open with "grade sheet", stack of books clearly delineating an age beyond high school... and last, but not least, the headphones that say "don't bother me... I'm in my work groove"

thats it...

bye.

Just unlock the door

People always talk about "where're the muslim women at?"

Really, often times, men within the muslim tradition (or men/women of other faith traditions) are those who ask "where are the muslim women?" Muslim women rarely ask this question, because we know where we are.... we're out doing things...

Whether you notice or not, whether we wear hijab or not, we are out there doing things. Personally, I work... a lot. I may not be on television, but I face a college classroom weekly. I face my co-workers weekly. I see neighbors and people from my town at the voting booth, at the local grocery stores, at the bank and so forth.

So, really... does it matter?

Are muslim women, suddenly the manifestation of Islam, and by thrusting her into the forefront, have we further burdened her with the chains of your expectations? So, if I happen to get interviewed for something.... am I suddenly or magically going to represent Islam? or represent myself? Are they mutually exclusive or not?

Essentially, do I have to represent a community, that may not necessarily align with my views? And when we never stated our position of "representation," of being the model muslim women, we are criticized for falling "short" of the expectations of society. Why does the "muslim world" (I use this loosely) expect us to "represent" them, when we never were given a choice in the matter?

Then... men will ask, "where are the muslim women at?" and just as they speak these words, they don't realize that doors have been locked and chains have been secured. This morning, I went to the mosque at fajr (dawn) prayer... and the women's entrance was locked.... ALL doors that allow me to pray in the women's area.... were locked... about 10 men passed, before I realized that they have not noticed that the door was locked... One man said, under his breath, "why is she just standing there?" with a tone of voice that exuded criticism... No, I am not trying to pick up men, by standing at the mens entrance, but I am waiting for someone to open the door. It wasn't until I asked someone to open the door for me that the door was opened...



I felt like, this experience, physical and real, was a manifestation of an abstract idea... We are heavily criticized by people, who are essentially leaving the doors closed in our faces.

Now, this rarely happens. I go to the mosque almost daily (or at least 4 times a week) at that time and the door has been locked only maybe 4 times in the last 5 years. But, it was frustrating to experience because the man who whispered under his breath, just criticized, without even considering my contextual reality.

So, this post is about unlocking doors... Maybe, physical... but even more so, unlocking mental doors... unhinging assumptions... and being genuinely considerate and empathetic, before you expect someone to live up to your standards... Maybe, just maybe, your standards are a load of BS to someone else... or just plain, outside of their scope of reality...

Muslim women don't want to represent Islam... don't want to be anyone's banner... UNLESS they choose to be. So, do not use them as your bargaining chip without even consulting them. I will never represent certain groups of people, because their ideology does not represent me... just because I may "look" like them... does not mean, I represent them.

That's all I have to say...

By the Token of Time...

I look back at the last ten years of my life and see the immense amount of change. I see the paradigm shifts, the outbursts, the tensions, the transitions, the pushing forward, the falling back, the temporary bouts of insanity, the moments of true clarity, the anger, the happiness, the frustration, the cheerfulness, the all of the above and more. But, when last year I finally had the opportunity to stand in front of a classroom and just share a part of my passion, to students who were unwilling given that American Government is a general requirement no one wants to take, I've felt the aforementioned feelings plus ten-fold. I wonder what influence Time has....

Time is a beautiful, yet disconcerting teacher. She challenges your forbearance, but if you withstand her, you reap the rewards. There are moments when engaging with Time, that you hate her so much, you'd like to cease her existence. You'd like to press that "pause" button for all of eternity. You'd like to rewind her, change her, fast-forward her --> but you can't. Benjamin Franklin says "Lost time is never found again" and to some extent that is true. However, you can never lose time, she is always there, silently with you. Waiting for you to take notice of her, waiting for you to remember her. You may forget Time, but you will never lose her. She is there, with your every breath, every step, every blink, every smile; Time is your life-long companion... Treat her well, and she will treat you well.

One of the biggest epiphanies about time I had, was when reading St. Augustine's Confessions during undergrad in my Ancient and Medieval Political Thought class... St. Augustine asserted that time, like human beings, are a creation of God. That God exists despite time, outside of time, beyond time. Upon reading that notion, I realized that Time, as a creation, as a 'being' needed to be treated as well as I would treat myself, my family, my friends, even my things... Time needed to be treated with the accordance and love; with justice and patience; with hope and with fear; with tranquility and with tension. Time needed me as much as I needed her. We exist together on parallel planes, in different forms, within the same universe.

I learned that over the last 24 years of my life, Time has been good to me. She helps me in tough situations, she gives me a piece of her whenever I need an extra moment to breath. She condenses and expands when I'm in tight situations. In fact, when Time is short, she gives me more; when Time is long, she reminds me how much of her I could forget, misplace, or neglect. When I remember her, I could swear I can hear her as she calls up to the Lord and says: "Reem remembered me... so, please Lord, remember her."

Maybe, I am in a mystical fantasy... Maybe, I am just one of those crazies who see things in material form despite their abstractness... Maybe, I fell in love with Time when I realized that our Lord made her specifically tailored to me. To be my best companion and friend. When I neglect her, I neglect a piece of myself. When I forget her, I forget myself...

Time is alluring, strong, patient, willful, nurturing, challenging, and thought-provoking. She is the epitome of beauty... there is no wonder that God swears by her in the Quran "By the Token of Time...."

<3

I hear you

I hear you, from the tranquil thrumming of a damascene 'Oud
to the patient plucking of a Korean Gayageum
in the whispers of the wind
through the chants of a Buddhist monk...
I hear you, through the vibrant and enchanting flames of a candle lit menorah
in the twinkling star, situated at the zenith of a christmas tree...
through the unruly curls at a young child's brow
in the spiral twirls of incense smoke ascending to the sky.
I hear you, in the rising steam of a hot cup of tea
through the purring of a contented cat
in the beguiling, trance-like dance of a dervish
through the murmurs and sighs of an unspoken secret
I hear you, in the romanticized memories of the past
and the hopeful enthusiasm of the future
in the restless pacing of a worried parent
through the excitement and passion of a new love.
I hear you, through the dense and impenetrable fog
in the flooding nourishment of the rain
through the blistering heat of the sun
and the dizzying whirl of snowflakes, as they coat the earth.
I hear you, in the storytelling of a native american elder
through the spirit of animals
in the history of souls
in the logic of time...
I hear you...
I hope you can hear me too...

restless

In the wind,
multi-directional,
continuity...
faith, apples, yesterday
restless memories
of beehives... honey
combing away
the knots in your hair...
dancer,
flowing like a plastic bag
caught in the wind...

Point of Comparison...

I am somewhat exasperated with people (well with the upcoming listed qualities) lately. I don't know why, but being in their presence is just head-ache inducing. To the extent, that I've outright avoided them, or walked away from them, or started having a totally different conversation in my brain, or even just continued to nod in their presence while trying to steer the conversation in another direction. It is like, over the last week, I keep running into people exhibiting these qualities. The reason I say it like that, is because they are not people who are typically like this.... in all facets of their lives. Maybe I've never noticed it before, but more accurately, I don't think they were every like this, unless when under extreme duress. Which begs the question (at least in my brain) -- should I ask them what is wrong? (what if nothing is wrong) Or should I just let it go? (despite the fact that they induce migraines)....

So, what has been happening?

First, I have been interacting with people, who constantly use themselves as a point of comparison. Almost, to steer the conversation away from the issue/topic at hand, and bring it back to themselves. Now, there is nothing wrong with comparing situations for purely epistemic (deeper understanding) purposes. But to constantly belittle another's experiences with reference to your own just isn't appropriate. For example, (TOTALLY FAKE RANDOM EXAMPLE!) - me talking to Emily about my difficulties with grad school, and Emily saying something like "your life is not as hard as you think it is, you are a kid with no responsibilities, just college". Now, if Emily was to say something like "oh I totally get what you mean, it's been challenging for me to balance my motherly duties with my academic duties", I see no fault with that. It's creating a point of reference in your own life. But by using it as a point of difference "your like is not as hard", that's just obnoxious.

----- God doesn't burden a soul more than one can handle ---- so you're difficulties are relative, your periods/experiences of ease are relative as well... Please, please, please just let people feel what they want, don't belittle their experiences.

Second, people who are just harsh. Now, this my overlap with the first point, but it's different. Sometimes I just wish that people will turn their critical eye towards themselves. To judge themselves 100 times more harshly than they judge others. Something as simple as "that girl is so fat" or "has a horrible sense of style" -- seriously, you have no right. Because don't dish out what you can't take in. Trust me, you aren't infallible. I am sure you are equally as flawed. How would you like it to constantly be pointed out to other people in public settings. Please, just remember, God hides our sins and protects our privacy, until we reveal our indiscretions to the world. Who are you to point out someone's past, present, or future misgivings? If you farted in the privacy of your car? Or picked your nose while in the bathroom? Is that something you want to be pointed out in public? Just let inconsistencies/mistakes/flaws of others go, unless you are one-on-one and need to advise them... then at least be tactful.

Third, even when you joke, be nice. Don't make someone feel subhuman, or at least less than you, even while joking. This ties #1 and #2 together. I was in conversation with someone, and they basically pointed out (while supposedly joking), that a certain quality of mine. This quality does not need to be positive or negative. But when joked about in a specific tone of voice, it makes a person feel deficient, incomplete, less than normal. For example, I have no qualms saying that I am very much emotional. Sometimes it is AWESOME because I feel strong levels of empathy and sympathy for people. Sometimes it SUCKS because I'll start crying in the middle of a conversation with someone in a very public setting. But to tell me that "oh reem, you'll never be able to teach, because you have no control of your emotions" then laugh it off like it was some sort of joke.... well, that's B.S. and people will eventually avoid you for your B.S.. Most people don't like to be bullied, and that what those kinds of jokes are, a form of bullying. Oh snap, now you realize that you may have been a bully without realizing... doesn't that suck.... o.O

Finally, I ask that you tap into your human center and constantly embody positive behaviors. I know this all sounds idealistic, and that we aren't at all as perfect as we'd like to be, but we need something to strive towards. If people tick me off, I have different reactions depending on the individual involved and the extent of anger. I could: smile, laugh (most of the time this is what happens with me), flip out, walk away, give them the "look", get confused, change the course of the conversation, or just talk out the issue. How I will react changes all the time. But, If someone is being negative towards you, then find a way to turn it into a positive experience. Whether it is during, before, or after the experience.

I guess that's it. I know this was long and tiresome, but I had to get it out of me. This is my post ex facto blog post to turn my negative experiences into a lesson learned. Because, honestly, no one really reads this.... So, it's more like an organizing of my personal thoughts. o.O

PEACE.

Audit to learn... learn to audit!

So, I have this thing... about not taking classes officially because either 1) I can't afford it; or 2) it is not necessary for my degree, so there's no point in paying for it. So, I tend to Audit a class per year or even per semester. This fall, I am taking 3 classes, teaching, taking 2 comprehensive exams, working on a couple of research projects, reviewing some papers for potential publication, running some campus activities, and now I am thinking of auditing a class...

The thing is... I have too many good choices this semester!!! Let me show you what my options are:

Black Social and Political Thought
Introduction to Peace and Security Studies
Democracy
Race and Racism in America

See the thing is, I want to take 2 of them.... I can't just let it go... But I am way too busy this fall to take on extra (albeit voluntary) course work. I REALLY want to take the Black social and political thought class... but I really want to take the peace and security studies class too... and the Democracy one... and the race one... UGHHHHH!!! How can you narrow it down!!!!! o.O They all sound so interesting....

If you were me, what class would you add on????

I think I'm going to go with the first choice... why? Because I <3 WEB DuBois, and maybe this will expose me to some other authors during his era.... and maybe some more modern (of this time period) theorists..... hmmmmmm.....

I wish I didn't have to choose... In fact... I wish I could take all of them... o.O

This is the dilemma of the college student who loves the classroom and to learn.... I hope the professors let me sit in the class!!! Usually I audit Near Eastern Studies courses or political science, but this time the courses are from anthropology, sociology, peace and conflict studies and africana studies. So, different departments.... Don't know how the profs will react....

Pray for me!!! <3