Whispers and Jugular Vein

"And We have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him, and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein" (Qaf; 16)

Salam,
So, usually when people reference this verse they talk about the aspect of God being closer to us than the Jugular vein... and yesterday when I was reading this surah on my way to work... The first part struck me... And we have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him which is different than that aspect of just closeness... I don't know what I was thinking before reading the verse, but a lot of the time our thoughts over power us... now... you might be thinking... umm... reem that makes no sense... but for me it really struck a cord...

A day before, I told a friend of mine "my own thoughts suffocate me"... sometimes I feel under attack by my own thoughts... Not in the sense that I'm depressed... but I think too much... If you know me well, you know that I'm a motor mouth... I say anything and everything... But if you know me even better... you know that my brain talks to me... yes two sided conversations... back and forth... somewhat schitzophrenic, because it's not me who I'm talking to... but at the same time it's me... It's like my thoughts have a mind and will of their own... I can sit there with a 'look' on my face, and well underneath it all their's like verbal (well mental... but not psychological perse) warfare going on...

I told my dad once that I have this thing that I named, parallel thought processing... so you know how computers do parallel processing... my brain does that... so it's like I have two or more people in my brain thinking at the same time... and sometimes it's sooo loud that I have to take SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much tylenol just to get the pounding to stop... but anyway... back to the verse...

So, the verse says And we have already created man and know what his soul whispers to him and it made me think about how well God knows us... and the fact that God said "whispers" reminded me so much of my own mind. Not one whisper.... but grammatically in a format in arabic that it's like repeated whispers (yuwaswas... rather than waswasa).. I don't know it just made me think about the fact that although I have all these thoughts and whispers going on in my head... God knows about it.

Knowing that God knows about it, makes me feel much more sane... and that more comfortable... and in a sense... confident. After you know, exposing my psychological fears... God then says the second part... which is often quoted "and We are closer to him than [his] jugular vein" and it makes me think of God as somewhat of a Psychiatrist/Psychologist... On call... just a prayer away... oh so close to us, we just need to grasp that concept.

A lot of the time, when I hear that verse, people interpret it so that is God like being you know... in your head... in a "Big Brother", I'm watching you, type of way... But yesterday, when I was reading the verse... It felt like... God knows what I'm thinking, because He's going to be there for me... Like how one of your friends that you grew up with can read your thoughts out of knowing you so well and loving you... and then if it's just hard, she'll (or he'll) assure you a spot on their shoulder to lean on. You know what I mean?

So, as I was reading that verse, I realized that regardless of the paralell thought processing and the thought suffocation that I felt often plagues me (and possibly others)... that God knew my thoughts, understood them and is going to be there for me.

I guess that's it.. Maybe you'll feel/reflect on the verse another way...

salam \\// peace
-reem