Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Not quite love poem

It's been over a month... and I'm surprised I haven't posted in such a while. It is as though the urge has disappeared and I am just standing in front of a mirror, waiting for my reflection to say something. I don't know.

I started writing a poem... I called it my "not quite love poem"... But I haven't finished it yet. Usually, when I write poetry, it's a one shot game. I write it and that's it... or it gets deserted like nasty leftovers, that make your mouth taste like rotten eggs. But... alas, this is a poem that I want to finish eventually, because it is a perpetual feeling... :x

So, I'll post it, and you can give me feedback.


They say that it is better to have loved and lost
than to have never loved at all
and it makes me wonder
how hard a person must fall
to scramble up their brains
how many butterflies they need to consume
to feel the nervous fluttering in their veins
how many metaphors need to be dropped
in order to feel true love again and again
not everyone follows the rules of the game
when it comes to love
there are no rules
sometimes cupid is a damned tool
and people live in cruel fairy tales
beastly, sleepy, dwarfed, and caged
stuck in this 'i wanna be loved' stage
those of us who aren't
are considered broken
for being one of the girls or one of the guys
and somehow, somehow
I'm supposed to feel hollow inside
fill up this hole, with kodak moments of
regrets and sorrows
fill it up with love
but I can't
I won't
In fact, in this instant, I believe that
ignorance is bliss
I mean, what is love?
An elusive word that can never be defined
except if you are part of the 'in group'
you're crippled if you can't be loved
because, you know, everyone wonders,
why no one else loved you yet?
So, I'm sick of hearing that quote
In fact,
I have no problem with love,
it's people's conceptions that I have problems with.
I love my spinsterhood
I love my career
I love my research
I love being me
I love seclusion and loneliness
I love my friends and family
I love running
I love sports
I love a million other things
so give it up... because
I hate being labeled
or being sold off like meat
So, screw it…
I don't believe it at all
Maybe, just maybe
if I am desperate enough
I can be like you...
I'll fall in love with my self
narcissistic personality disorder
chase after a leaf in the wind
fall down the rabbit hole
swim upstream and catch fish with my bare hands
You want me to fall in love
with an idolized dream
with a hyper reality
unraveling strings
tug on the loose end
set me free
it is not better to have loved and lost
because your love is as shapeless as gas
as twisted as history
and as addicting as heroine
and my love
well, my love
is to be restriction-less
my love, my love
is free.