hello. So, I've come to the realization that I am scared. Which is sad, because no one ever associates me with fear, or at least I don't think people do, they might, I just might not know it. Anyhow, I am scared.
of what?!? good question.
I'm scared of many things, but I think it stems from failure. I have realized that I've gotten way too comfortable in mediocrity. Well, two things actually. I've also come to the realization that my family is made up of eccentrics. So, normalcy and mediocrity is relative. But anyway, my fear of failure has turned me into a static, ineffective, and stalled person. I'm essentially stuck in neutral. I have been so unproductive and that scares me. I was trying to understand why I have been so unproductive lately, when my whole life, I've managed to juggle millions of things simultaneously, while being very efficient and fruitful. And I realized that if I do nothing, nothing bad can happen. And in arabic they say 'nawm bijir nawm' which means, sleep drags more sleep. Basically, the more you sleep (or are inefficient) the more tired and sleepy you get.
Anyhow, I realized even more so, I fear inefficiency more than failure. So, for the last couple of months, I've felt like 'enh, I don't want to do anything' and in the last month or so, SOOO MANY OPPORTUNITIES HAVE BEEN THROWN MY WAY! and the odd thing is, they aren't opportunities that I can reject or ignore. So, like the other day I had a midterm that I barely studied for, and apparently I did really well, and so forth. So, yesterday, I realized that I can ignore and punish myself as much as I want, but God won't abandon me. Actually, He's got my back, even though my back was turned on Him.
And I have decided that screw failure and screw inefficiency, I will be as energetic, fruitful, productive, constructive, vigorous, and teeming as possible. I am going to grab opportunity by the horns, and make my way on this earth.
Many people have told me that I would be a great instigator for change and productivity in the world,that I will revolutionize the way Muslim women will be viewed, and I have always laughed at those statements. Well now, I'm going to make those statements my way of life. I will (inshaAllah/God Willing) instigate change towards the positive. I will revolutionize society. I will show the world what one Muslim woman can do.
So, for all those who don't know me my aims are: - to be a political theory professor (my favorite subject because it's so comprehensive), so I can help people discover themselves (their thoughts and ideas) and the world around them, and show them that everything is at their fingertips. - to teach the new coming generations that you must THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX! Standards are created by yourself, no one should be able to dictate you in any way, shape or form. - to share my experiences through my poetry and short stories - to influence scholarly works in my field, because it's about time muslim political thought gets introduced into the field. Or some feminist interpretations get pushed to the forefront, rather than pushed off to the side, with only a 2 second interpretation. - to embrace what it means to be a muslim woman, and that means self and community empowerment, by developing and exercising minds.
Essentially, I am making an attempt banish fear to lowest and deepest recesses of hell. We need change. We need to defy norms. We need to be effective.
Hello, So, often we young people criticize our mothers because they are homemakers and that's it. I have come to realize, that running a home is extremely difficult and complex. In the past couple of months, I have made it my mission to help out around the house... cooking, cleaning, some shopping, and so forth. It was not announced within the family, just a personal decision, to help develop me in this area. I never belittled or condescended women who choose or possibly had to resort to being housewives, in my life, but I always assumed it would be easy. Literally, you cook and then you have the rest of the day to watch soap opera's and host 'tea socials'. BOY WAS I WRONG! It is amazing how much work is involved in running a household. I have been only helping out, probably about a total of 5%, and it is so time consuming. I literally stood for 3 hours straight almost daily for the past week, just to make dinner! The point of this post is that I want to thank and commend all those house wives in the world, who make things look so easy, while they run an efficient household.
I would like to praise those house wives who are also mothers! how you do it is beyond me.
And finally, I'd like to scream from the top of my lungs, in commemoration for those who are house wives, as well as mothers, as well as workers or students. You are forever in my highest regards and respect.
peace the top ten things to do when you're angry at someone, but cannot express that anger beyond a grunt or a twitch:
(in no specific order, but i'd probably do #2 first)
1- blog it (normally i don't do this.... but yeah) 2- run anywhere between 3-6 miles (or rigorously work out for about an hour or 2), depending on the amount of pressure you're trying to burn 3- sleep!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4- go on a book reading fest.... 5- sniff sharpies.... (trust me, it works to get rid of headaches!!) 6- go walking in nice weather (like today) with someone, and let that person unload their problems on you, because it helps you put things into perspective. 7- ignore the issue, by closing the metaphorical door on them. (which i don't recommend, unless it is a real door, and you don't slam it, it's all good. 8- do something really nice for the person.... like buy them chocolate, do the dishes, clean the house, i don't know, help with their homework (i wonder if you can guess who i'm currently angry at?) 9- avoid the person all day, don't cross paths, and if you do, don't make eye contact.... it lets both parties really think about the situation 10- try to think of a list of things that you could do to calm down :s
oh okay... i got one extra... LOL because i just realized i did it!!!! stare at that aforementioned door that is closed and make faces at it!!!!!!!!!!!!