Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Chivalry is dead?


Okay, so they say 'chivalry is dead'. That men, the carriers and inheritors of this chivalry, lost it at some point in time. I am not sure if I agree, or if chivalry is limited to manhood... but anyway...

This morning, I opened the door for a couple of people behind me. After 2-3 people passed through, one man... REFUSED to let me hold the door open for him. He absolutelyrefused. I was trying to figure out what he meant by it...
So, my hypotheses are:
1) He was so chauvinistic that a woman could not open the door for him
2) He was so embarrassed that he had not opened it for me.
3) That it was wrong for his individualism to have someone (regardless of gender) do something like opening a door for him.
4) Women are not supposed to be openning doors, because of cultural norms.
5) He was ashamed of not thinking of opening it first.
6) He just felt like, because I opened it for people, someone should have reciprocated and opened it for me.
7) He was having a bad day and just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
8) I challenged his independence
9) He wanted to remind me of my dependence
10) Muslim women should not be interacting with men (okay this one is a STRETCH!)

Okay... well those are my different theories. You can thow in a couple of your own! I just don't get why he wouldn't just let me hold the door open.

But on another note. The other day, there was this guy in a wheelchair. And he had pressed the button for the door to open, but I just felt like it was so unaccomodatingly slow, so I just held it open for him. We started talking after. He told me that he really appreciated that I held open the door, because often people just assume that 'we don't want to be seen in an inferior light, and so people don't do the courteous things, like holding open the door' It made me realize, that being courteous had nothing to do with independence or dependency. It had to do with the fact that you generally respect and love people. He kept on thanking me, and encouraged me to continue to be courteous, because now-a-day, there are few nice people left.

So, the question is.... Is chivalry dead? Is it limited to men (i.e. knights in the medieval periods)?

Much love,

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

smile effect

What have we come to???????!

I'm a smiley person, I just walk around with a grin on my face. But lately, people have been coming up to me and asking me the reasons behind the smile. Like I am committing something wrong, or not acting normal, by smiling.

Some of the statements/reactions I've gotten are:
"you look like you're harboring a secret"
"mischievous smile"
"you look like you're planning something"
"you shouldn't be so happy"
"you're always smiling, and it always confuses me"
"one day that smile is going to disappear"
"f*ck you, you're not happy"
"get over yourself"
*returns grin with a shake of the head*
*avoids eye contact*
*cocks an eyebrow up questioningly*

I don't know why smiling has become such a "wrong" in today's society. I sometimes unintentionally smile. Or I just like sharing the happiness. There are times when I need to convince myself to smile, just to keep a cool. I smile out of relief. Out of private conversations I have in my head. Through the recollection of memories. At another smiling face. To follow the advice of the prophet of Islam, in that "a smile in the face of your brother/sister is a charity". To release discontent. To mock myself. To love myself. To discover my inner thoughts. To brighten someone's day. To brighten my own day. To stay 'together'. To keep things positive. To follow my heart. To change my heart. To love myself. To destroy personal biases. To unconditionally love.

Anyway, these are just a few examples of why I may smile. So, if you see me on campus with a giant smile on my face, it isn't out of some 'sketchy' purpose. It is out of all of the above, or despite them all.

Just a quote from Shakespeare's Othello "The robbed that smiles, steals something from the thief." The 'thing' that is reclaimed through my smile, is my unconditional love for people.
<3 *GRIN* <3

Sunday, October 3, 2010

No one is perfect.

Take in a deep breath... hold it for about ten seconds... let it go... Repeat 15 times.

I am attempting to remain calm. I am attempting to keep myself together. I am attempting to stifle my 'reactionary' anger.

I was with my sister and she told me "No one is perfect, nor do you have to be" (I don't think she said it that way, but that's what I understood)... after she said that... I just wanted to curl up in a ball, somewhere, and hide.

My dad (who I love beyond reason, but in this instance I was ready to flip out on) walked in... took a look at me... and basically, told me to leave and find somewhere to calm down. To do whatever it took, for me to relax. I don't think he realized how he said it to me, because in my (twisted and somewhat irrational at that moment) head, it came off as accusatory... Like, you have no right to be frustrated and expressing that frustration right now. I know he did not mean it in that way, but that's how I perceived it. So, I told him to calm down. I projected onto him. I was on the brink of flipping out.

I need some excedrin, because I have this pounding headache, that won't go away. I don't think my parents realize how stressed out I am. I try to keep things positive. I try my hardest to refrain from complaining. I try my hardest to imagine what it may have been like for them in college/grad school or anything. I pretend to be them, and wonder how they may have acted.

I am jealous. I am jealous of my sister and my brother. Sometimes, I'm jealous of my mom and dad too. But specifically, my siblings, because they are so good at letting things go. They are so good at just embracing what is, and going with the flow. One word from my sister, and I feel like my heart is pumping, my lungs are unconstricting, and the flow of oxygen makes it to my brain. She is my reminder to "breathe".

I always wish I had more patience, but in this instance, I wish I could be patient. There's a difference between having and being. But, there's a thin line for me. A thin line between euphoric elation and extreme anger. One psychological word play... and that's it.

I scare myself.

I think, though, I need to remember...
"No one is perfect, nor do you have to be"...
Repeat it like a mantra...
Take in a deep breath...
hold it for about ten seconds...
let it go...
Repeat 15 times.
"No one is perfect, nor do I have to be"...