I keep thinking lately about you know, philosophical things, well not quite philosophical, but you know... things that are just not truly thought about quite often enough. The concept of freedom. I don't know, maybe it's because I read Du Bois all the time for my research, or maybe it's because I'm sensitive on the issue of racial equality (as in, who the hell do you think you are if you think you're better than people, we're all from the same source)... And it's been bugging me more and more.... Racism... hurts me... internally. :s and people sometimes think it's odd, given that i am (according to wikipedia) white (because I'm you know, from the mideast), that I notice these things.... or feel them. I don't know, maybe I'm just emotional. But yesterday, the issue of race came up multiple times. And I just kept thinking.... why the hell do we (as a society) focus soooo much on race (as being like a definition of who one is)???? In Islam, we believe that ORIGINAL SIN, wasn't Eve eating the apple (Adam and Eve both made the mistake equally), but that Lucifer refused God's command of respect to Adam by bowing to him, on the basis of Adam being made of the Earth and Lucifer of fire. Essentially, original sin is arrogance, but more specifically a racial arrogance. Because you're made of something different, and more to the point look different.... Therefore, the next time you're being racist, biased, or stereotyping, or someone does this in your presence.... you're committing ORIGINAL SIN.... :s and i mean, if Lucifer was damned from the beginning, what'll happen to us? So, essentially, it's up to you. You decide whether you want to be damned for life (or eternity) or not... Next time someone does something racist in front of you.... just remember, you're just as damned as he/she is, because SILENCE IS CONSENT.... and you choose to be silent...
Anyway, this is a poem i wrote.... comment away, on anything, it's called: I kept thinking
I keep thinking that today will start but it won't end and text messages on my cell just won't send I see the world tipping at a different bend and i just can't help having to fend for everyone... but myself no... yes... maybe I can but whatever, because I'm at the end of my thoughts free will feels like a a road block and well, I can't help but to think that someone else should make decisions for me no... wait... I need to make choices i need to be given choices what happened to equal opportunity can I speak, without being free? am I free? What is freedom anyway? elusive as it is, dressed in a cloud of grey... I think I found the weakest link in my chain... of thoughts because they've been derailed to a place often visited caged mindset, silent birds what can I say to make us feel anchored? infront of me is haze, my view is blurred by biases... socially constructed hazards instructed to become masters in the art of lying no... dying.... rather sighing out of discontent because we've been conditioned to acquiesce to nothing to everything but our souls and I'm trying to figure out how it all unfolds because the choice is there we just need to get a hold of reality of our choices and now... I keep thinking that today will start but it won't end and text messages on my cell just won't send I see the world tipping at a different bend that I was angling for so... I'm gonna jump and scream till the world leans... just a fraction in my direction until then... the world is hovering just an inch beyond our decisions
So, I just came across (or was encouraged to read... however put): http://reinventingsandyb.wordpress.com/the-list/ and http://symphonic-discord.blogspot.com/2009/11/my-list.html which is essentially a list of things a friend wants to do before the time she's 30 years old.... She wrote this 4 years ago... I decided, I'll make a list too... maybe in 8 years at least 1/10th would be completed...iA
1- To memorize the Quran with understanding 2- To finish one of my many novels, and actually get it published 3- To teach 5 people tajweed 4- To teach at Harvard University, Ancient Political Thought as well as Feminist Political Theory 5- To walk from Detroit to Boston 6- To go back packing in Europe 7- To learn french, german, spanish, urdu, persian, hebrew, and japanese. (at least to just speak) 8- To run 15 miles in one day 9- To spend a day without worries 10- To own a drink shop, and make EVERYTHING but in 'virgin' 11- To publish a poetry chap book 12- To get onto DEF Poetry 13- To learn how to 'TRULY' break dance 14- To marry a man who can supply me with a life time support of diet creme soda and twizzlers 15- to accept myself 16- to get an ijaza in memorization and tajweed 17- to run the boston/detroit marathon 18- to ride a horse, camel, and a mustang (the car) 19- to send out anonymous letters to all my loved ones now, in 8 years. 20- to record a spoken word CD 21- to learn how to perfect the art of Good rice 22- to keep in contact with my cousin in syria 23- to become a political analyst for BBC or Aljazeera 24- to translate a book of Nizar Qabani's Poetry into english 25- to go on a REAL cruise 26- to relearn history 27- to learn to FOCUS 28- to live by what I truly believe in 29- to truly believe in something without doubts or worries 30- to build some self esteem.
I know... wow... I wonder how much you learned about me.... :s
Today, I was thinking about how musicians are so oblivious of their fans. Like, the true impact they have on their following. I go into phases where I will listen to the same band over and over again, until I feel like their music is my music. Until their lyrics are my thoughts. Till their emotions become my own. I feel like I have a personal connection with them. It scared me, my realization of this. I kept thinking about how, someone's voice, a voice that I listen to multiple times daily, has no idea I listen to them, unless I choose to become stalker-ish and join a fan club. But honestly, it scared me. Lately, I've been thinking about writing some songs, probably a mix between punk/emo/rock/rap. I know, I know... different genres, but the question is.... Would people even listen to it? Would my words affect someone, as much as Billy Talent, The Offspring, Rise Against, Maroon 5, Nirvana, BareNakedLadies, Garbage, Evanascence, Breaking Benjamin or Hawthorne Heights affects me? Sometimes, I feel like, do they know that their music builds upon my soul, wraps around my heart, and filters through my thoughts? Would I ever be able to accomplish that? Not that I'm a good singer at all (haha, I suck like whoa), but imagine hearing your own voice on the radio, and thinking that your voice, without you knowing is playing in someone elses head.... not your own.... That your thoughts have been publically announced to everyone in the world you can buy you. You've been bought.... Aren't words supposed to be free ? Isn't that another discussion completely? I mean, it's one thing to have someone hear you when you don't want them to, but to have your intimate emotions bought. I mean, as a poet (if i can call myself one, i don't think i've earned that title yet), I like my thoughts getting across to people for free (obviously, unless there is an open mic fee), but then, how do you support your art? Hand out free CD's? Uhhhhh, no. Hi, might I remind you that I'm broke.... How about load music/poems onto your Facebook/myspace page.... but then you remember that no one ever accesses your page... Back to my original point.... I can't imagine a person listening to me whenever they wanted to, without asking me.... Someone subscribing to my most intimate emotions, without my ever being aware.... So I ask this.... Oh Artists of the World.... how does it feel, when someone out there, knows exactly how you felt, but you don't know who it is? How does it feel, to know that someone loves you (your work), but that love is unrequited...? The question burns down to.... How does it feel, knowing that someone knows your deepest emotion, but you've never even met the person, let alone spoke to them, for them to get to know you well enough, to know your deeper emotions?