Friday, November 1, 2013


I've been struggling with this pendulum swing of emotion. I think most of us have experienced it at some point or continuously experience it on a daily basis. It is that feeling in which you feel total and utter gratitude and contentment with your lot in life and then on the other side, a complete dissatisfaction with something (or multiple things) in your life...

The feeling is an odd one. At least for me it is, because there is this constant tension, this push and pull, a tug-of-war battling within me. A moment where a rush of appreciation washes over me that is humbling and grounding. And within the same minute or the same hour or the same day or the same week, you feel this frustrated annoyance with something else in your life.

For example: 

An unparalleled appreciation of the fact that your loved ones are surrounding you, even for a short period of time.


A frustrated angst that burns you up until you're dehydrated by it because you feel like no one is listening to you.


Happy you're almost done with school


Anger at the system for not having enough job opportunities.

This back and forth, of random things (not necessarily the example above) is more frustrating, for me at least, than the "frustrated emotion" that was expressed.

How then, do you balance it back out? I don't know if I am romanticizing my past, but I never felt this tug of war before when I was younger, or even about a year or two ago. And I've been mulling it over in my brain trying to figure out, what was different then from now? What did I used to do that kept me so content most of the time? Or stress free?

I haven't figured it out yet. But I'm going to be guess-timating for a few minutes before I hit publish on this blog post.

1) Aggressive Exercise... Daily for multiple hours. 

I guess when you exercise you release endorphins which make you feel happier and more content with everything. It gives you a feeling of success and achievement. It makes you feel like this is your place in the world and everything seems to be in balance.

2) Being busy, busy, busy... all the time. 

I think people function differently and the type of "busy" depends on the person as well. I used to constantly be on the go, constantly involved, constantly around people, constantly working on something. Although I am supposed to be "busy, busy, busy" I don't feel the same level of conscious busy-ness (business?). Now, I am busy but I am always in my own head. From before, I was busy, but I was always conversing with someone, bouncing ideas off of someone, sharing and receiving thoughts and reflections. I don't think I have that kind of busy lifestyle anymore. Yes, I have tons of things to do, but its more solitary and easily prone to procrastination.

3) Procrastination.... used to never happen. 

Actually, I didn't really think about this until I typed it up in #2. But I never ever used to procrastinate. All my work was always done WAYYYYY ahead of time. Maybe procrastination causes stress that doesn't necessarily need to exist. If you just reverse time allocation, you could be doing the same things but stress free. For example, instead of watching a Sabrina the Teenage Witch marathon and then working on your dissertation... you could work on the dissertation first and then go for the TV series marathon.

4) Always having someone to talk to. 

In the morning I had my dad, during the day, my mom/siblings/friends, and in the evenings I kept to my self. Now, I pretty much keep to myself all the time, because the people who I used to have the most meaningful conversations with live across the world. Maybe, my parents spoiled me, in that I always had them to talk to. But once that environment is gone, you have to make up for it somehow... even if its through new friends or at least phone calls.

5) Spoiling yourself without the guilt trips. 

I think I used to never have guilt trips when it came to spoiling myself. When you spoil yourself with something, no matter how small, even if its something like a walk around the block, it feels good and all feels right with the world.

6) Having someone put things in perspective for you. 

When you're having a pity party for yourself, someone is always there to remind you of how great you have it and how not everyone is as fortunate. Again, my mom and dad were always there to remind me to be grateful and appreciative of what you have and to consider what it feels like if it was taken away. I used to blog much more frequently, so sometimes, I would be putting things in perspective for myself.

7) Be grateful for what you have and do something about what you don't. 

I never used to get angry about what I don't have... If I didn't have something that I wanted, I would strive to get it... and for the most part, I would get it. Sometimes, I'd want to have a conversation (like the example I gave above) and I would just seek out someone to talk to... as opposed to dwelling on the fact that I don't have it. I guess this is the most pivotal point. I rarely used to dwell on the "what if" and just went for "what I could". If I couldn't, I'd just assume it wasn't meant to be. Maybe, this is what I need to revive in me.

I basically typed longer than I meant to.

I'll end with this... exercise, keep busy, don't put things off, be grateful (mentally, verbally,  physically), spoil yourself every once in a while, talk to people, make sure the people closest to you keep things in perspective for you (as you should do for them), and do something about "it".

Any other suggestions?

Okay. Bye.