Saturday, July 5, 2008

mental fireworks

Asalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuhu,
This is a random reflection on the fourth of july and the issue of fireworks and what not.
The other day, I was sitting on my porch watching fireworks... well maybe not.. but they're kind of hard not to watch, which is precisely the point of this email.
I sat outside, where I was actually watching fireflies, buzzing in and out, flying around like snowflakes, lighting up and dimming out, and I was thinking about how amazing they were. SubhannaAllah, I felt like they were the most serene creatures in the world. I went about thinking that their light will never run out until the moment they die. Sure it fades in and out, but the light is there nevertheless.

All of a sudden, explosions of thunder started to echo into my ears. Then lights broke the calm in the dark sky, and instead of the downpour of rain that I expected (given the i'm in michigan and summer thunderstorms are to be expected) fireworks lighted, to the brightness of day, then went out. It got me thinking, about the contrast of what i had just noticed. Fireflies, they dim in and out, but the light is something that is consistent. They buzz in a low voice, almost silent, but their presence is welcomed, calming, maybe even preferred. A feel of serenity engulfs you and your mind takes on an optimistic turn. Fireworks, well lets just they're bright one moment, and out the next. They're loud as heck. And I think I was at my wit's end when the ominous *BOOM* deafened my ears. Sure fireworks look pretty, but it comes with so much baggage. Loud noise, lighting them up, cleaning up their remains afterwards.

It made me think about people. Some people are like fireflies, seeping in and out, their light remains, and have a gentle calming optimistic, beautiful effect. While others are explosive, exciting, scary, pretty and elusive. I fell in love with fireflies, for the first time in the history of my life, because they reminded me of people who I see with amazing levels of Iman, consistent, and loving. And i felt a revulsion for fireworks for the first time in my life, because it reminded me of people who are short tempered, shallow, and well scary.
I'm not saying that people with firework like personalities are a bad thing, i mean i'm somewhat of an angry/explosive/short-tempered person. Maybe it's not about people at all, but life.
What I'm saying is, don't fall for the temporary. I guess, life is like fireworks.. pops up one moment, scary, exciting, beautiful, loud, but it'll end at the blink of an eye. Iman, i would say, are more like fireflies, around, consistent, dimmed and bright. When the fireworks go off, you lose sight of all the fireflies. blinded in the moment and what not.

i'll stop there for my fireworks/fireflies comparison and move along to another threat of thought

Yesterday, instead of going and watching fireworks (which i've done maybe once in my life) i went to an open mic/slam. The turn out was minimal, but i still loved it. People were there, preforming about the issues that meant the most to them. And again, i felt like i was seeing true beauty, mental fireworks. People's idea's sparking the atmosphere, moving people, exciting them, caressing their psyche. I felt that embracing true freedom, independence, and happiness, had lay within the confines of a small coffee shop. I felt like, everyone wasn't blinded by the pretty works of the world/life, but the movement towards something greater. In that room, I felt like people, rather than sitting around and watching other lights, were harnessing, feeding, and growing their own lights within themselves. So, why go for the superficial, when the real thing lies within reach, all you need to do, is tap into it.

again, you're probably thinking, what the heck is this random girl talking about?? I honestly am not sure myself. All I know is that, contrary to what people believe independence/freedom does not lie within a written scrolled declaration. Nor is it provided by other people. It is God given. After that, only you hold yourself back from being truly free.

While I was sitting in that cafe, on the night of freedom and independence, I felt a widening within my chest. I felt like, even though I was one of 3 muslims who attended the event, everyone in that room was on a path of self-freedom, self-reflection, and self-expression. Everyone outside of that room (well to an extent) who sat and watched fireworks all night long, well i felt like they were being blinded by the temporary prettiness of the fireworks, making them sell out their freedom. Allahu 'alam

I guess i went off for a bit, but khadigah told me to be my little old self when i emailed out on my-net, and i decided to reflect away.
Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed your day of freedom. because their's 364 more days that, i guess, aren't as free... unless you free your self internally.
Jazakum Allahu khairan
asalamu alaikum


abbas hawazin said...

r u iraqi?

whitefawn87 said...

lol. no i am american.. originally syrian