Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Chivalry is dead?


Okay, so they say 'chivalry is dead'. That men, the carriers and inheritors of this chivalry, lost it at some point in time. I am not sure if I agree, or if chivalry is limited to manhood... but anyway...

This morning, I opened the door for a couple of people behind me. After 2-3 people passed through, one man... REFUSED to let me hold the door open for him. He absolutelyrefused. I was trying to figure out what he meant by it...
So, my hypotheses are:
1) He was so chauvinistic that a woman could not open the door for him
2) He was so embarrassed that he had not opened it for me.
3) That it was wrong for his individualism to have someone (regardless of gender) do something like opening a door for him.
4) Women are not supposed to be openning doors, because of cultural norms.
5) He was ashamed of not thinking of opening it first.
6) He just felt like, because I opened it for people, someone should have reciprocated and opened it for me.
7) He was having a bad day and just woke up on the wrong side of the bed.
8) I challenged his independence
9) He wanted to remind me of my dependence
10) Muslim women should not be interacting with men (okay this one is a STRETCH!)

Okay... well those are my different theories. You can thow in a couple of your own! I just don't get why he wouldn't just let me hold the door open.

But on another note. The other day, there was this guy in a wheelchair. And he had pressed the button for the door to open, but I just felt like it was so unaccomodatingly slow, so I just held it open for him. We started talking after. He told me that he really appreciated that I held open the door, because often people just assume that 'we don't want to be seen in an inferior light, and so people don't do the courteous things, like holding open the door' It made me realize, that being courteous had nothing to do with independence or dependency. It had to do with the fact that you generally respect and love people. He kept on thanking me, and encouraged me to continue to be courteous, because now-a-day, there are few nice people left.

So, the question is.... Is chivalry dead? Is it limited to men (i.e. knights in the medieval periods)?

Much love,


Youthful Wisdom said...

It's not dead and I think its just being courtesy and considerate of others. Perhaps the man didn't want you to open the door for him because in him paradigm he was the one that should have opened the door. I personally would take advantage of it.. but hey, that's just me.

Confused Teacher said...

I always hold open doors, and sometimes I think people are shocked that the hijabi opened the door for them.

Anonymous said...

Maybe he just not emotionally stable that he feels bad when someone actually takes the time to do something for him, when he could have done it for himself. Or he just wanting to prove that he can do stuff on his own without the helps of others.

For example, one time I going towards the stairs to go down and some guys in front of me just all sudden stops when he reaches the stairs. He then moves to the side to let me go first and I know its nice, but i don't see it often, so I just felt bad that he actually went out of the way to do that for me. Instead of saying thanks after, the words "sorry" kinda split out without.

I guess maybe it might of been in someway the same for that man, like emotionally unexpected thing that he end up doing something they didn't mean to do.